Nerd in the City

I have to admit that I thought this movie would remain more favorable in my opinion than it has. I found myself rolling my eyes far more often than ever before. Needless to say, Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones doesn’t exactly stand the test of time.

Regardless of that, it’s still a Star Wars movie. And that’s all I ever need to know. If you missed my notes from re-watching Episode I you can CLICK HERE.

If you are doing a big re-watch before Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens comes out (in just 10 days, by the way) make sure to comment below. I’d love to know!

-Naboo starships! So sleek. Very different from the trusty ole Millennium Falcon.

-Poor Corde. One of the Natalie Portman look a likes who didn’t go on to have great careers.

-Luminara Unduly and Barriss Offee! Love them. Wish we could have had a lot more of them. Let’s give those lady Jedi some real parts!

-Enter CGI Yoda. He’s way cuter than Ep. I’s puppet Yoda. I think it’s in the nose. But still. Why not be consistent?

-Natalie is an excellent actress, so it’s a bit disappointing to see the rigid way she handles some of the scenes.

-Anyone sort of ship Padme with Obi-Wan?

-I don’t care what anyone says… Hayden Christensen=Hubba Hubba!

-Enter the mullet. Sexiest mullet in the galaxy!

-Here’s where George appeases rabid fans and relegates Jar-Jar to the sidelines!

-“You’ll always be that little boy I knew on Tatooine.” BURN!!
Major friend-zone.

-“And you will learn your place, young one.” Burn again. Ani is getting burned left and right. No wonder he turns to the Dark Side.

-Hey it’s Zam! I always like her.

-Corsuscant is a crazy planet. And visually stunning.

-Forced celibacy on 19 year olds? Bad idea, Jedi.

-This is definitely my least favorite of the franchise, but back in ’02…I loved this movie.

-Easter Egg – the Millennium Falcon just flew by in the air traffic.

-Obi-Wan gets the dumbest one liners in this movie. Making the best character in the prequels harder to take in.

-Unrequited shipper: Zam Wessel and Jango Fett. She coulda raised Boba with him and they could have been a happy little bounty hunting family.

-Anakin losing his lightsaber over and over again either makes him really stupid or is just a whole mess of foreshadowing to him losing his arm. Either way…it’s dumb.

-Jedi  can’t have sex, but they can drink?

-The Jedi Temple is hella cool looking!

-Mace Windu is the most disappointing one. Did George jam a stick up Sam Jackson’s ass? I imagine Mace being so much cooler when i read him in the expanded universe. And with Sam Jackson is so cool. So it should have worked. Not sure what happened there!

-Warning Anakin! Stop listening to Palpatine right now! Listen to Obi!

-Why is Yoda in that floating chair? Why don’t they all get floating chairs?

-I like Padme’s Minnie Mouse looking buns when she’s packing for Naboo.

-Unrequited shipper: Dorme and Captain Panaka.

-Padme flirts with him right after asking him not to look at her that way. Sending some mixed signals there, Padme!

-Anakin gets the pauper poncho and Padme is dressed in regal refugee robes. This doesn’t look suspicious at all!

-I really like Dex. Plumber’s crack and all.

-“I should think you Jedi have more respect for the difference between knowledge and wisdom.”

-Does lace make her seem less conspicuous?

-Younglings!!! I love younglings.

-“Lost a plane, Master Obi-Wan has.”

-Must go to Spain and stand on Naboo!

-Queen Jamilla’s costumes are far less impressive than Amidala’s were. What gives?

-“The day we stop believing democracy can work is the day we lose it.”       Well….

-Kamino is a planet I would never want to live on.

-Kaminoans look like giant walking Q-tips. They feel way too sleek for the Star Wars Universe.

-I love Padme’s Naboo sunset dress. This scene is stupid, but the dress is pretty. And her seashell hair is cool.

-Oh yeah…she really seems to be fighting Anakin off!

-The Clone Wars series really does such an amazing job at giving the clones their individuality. Adds another layer to the whole thing.

-I also like her yellow field dress with the croquet Leia buns. Another stupid love scene. But gorgeous costuming.

-I lived for these costumes! Somewhere is a notebook full of my own ideas for Padme’s wardrobe.

-“How would you have it work?” -Padme                                                        “Evil dictatorship…that’s what I’m into!” -Anakin

-As stupid as this field scene is, Portman actually has personality in it, which is saying something.

-Coulda done without the large tick cows. (as my dad calls them.)

-Padme’s all… hey let’s roll around in the grass together. All sexy like. Cause that will definitely discourage your crush on me.

-Padme’s S+M dress on Naboo was designed by none other than George Lucas himself. Another example of Padme really trying to discourage Anakin!

-How long were they awkwardly staring at each other on that couch before the scene began?

-THIS SCENE IS THE WORST!!!! THE ABSOLUTE WORST THING EVER!

 

-You think they’d have covered ship docks on Kamino. Given that it’s a planet of oceans and it probably rains constantly. Think it through people.

-No on uses contractions in the prequels. Is that supposed to make them seem more serious? It’s dumb.

-Yep. Naboo is gorgeous!!

-Padme is sending some seriously mixed signals. First she’s dressing like a dominatrix, now she’s in her silky nightgown and robe. Come on now!

-Natalie Portman looks like she was slapped in the face before even scene in this movie.

-Back to Tatooine. For a planet that is furthest from the center of the universe, a whole lot goes on there!

-I love Padme’s blue Tatooine outfit.

-Seizmic charges make the dumbest noise.

-“Fiyah!” – Boba Fett

-John Williams’ score to the rescue.

-Owen and Beru!

-Ah, the old homestead where all the blue milk is served.

-Welcome back to my ears, Duel of the Fates.

-Don’t do it, Anakin. Don’t lose your patience. Don’t give in to your hate!!

-Stupid Nute Gunray. Someone kill him already.

-Techno Union Army is lame and glitchy.

-Fiercest Sith Lord of all time’s nickname is Ani. Still can’t get over that one.

-Shmi lasted all that time only to give up once she’s been saved by her son.

-You could’ve prevented this, Shmi. You could have lived.

-Geonosians are creepy, oversized termites. Add Geonosis to the “never gonna live there” list.

-I like Padme’s white battle outfit. But she didn’t really know she was gonna be going to battle.

-I like when Padme gets sassy with Anakin and is all “If you plan to protect me, you’ll just have to come along.”

-Why does Anthony Daniels do a higher pitched voice for C3PO in this

-And now George makes more reparations to the fans by having Jar-Jar be responsible for giving Palpatine the emergency power.

-Christopher Lee is amazing, but he really gets underused in this.

-I could never imagine Qui-Gonn on the Jedi Counsel. He’s way too rogue for that.

-Hey! George Lucas is on the Senate. That sounds about right.

-Too much politics.

-The assembly line scene – after seeing behind the scene into the green room, it takes the magic out of this scene. Scratch that. This scene itself takes the magic out.

-This is a gross misuse of C3Po!!

-And R2 can fly? Why? Seems a little convenient. Seeing as after Ep III he never does it again.

-The 3PO battle droid gag is unforgivable!

-There goes Anakin, losing another lightsaber and further foreshadowing the loss of his arm later.

-“Pst…boyfriend…I love you!” -Padme                                                             “You love me?” -Anakin (I know! It is a shock after all her belly aching about not going through with feelings and junk!)

-Here comes another love scene. And guess what it’s stupid too!

-Now we get to a good part. Battle. I like Battle. Someone start the Battle already!

-Oh yep…this is a stupid battle. With stupid mashed up creatures.      Rhinoceratops vs Anakin                                                                                   Praying Mantis Crabraptor vs Obi-Wan                                                        Ratcatupine vs Padme

-I love how Padme is all “Forget this, boy. I’m gonna climb this poll and handle this on my own!” Get it girl!!

-“Hey boyfriend! Wanna give me a ride on your Rhinoceratops!!”

-Roll out the Droidekas!

-The battle droid head on 3PO’s body is funnier than 3Po’s head on a battle droid’s body!

-George allowed NSYNC to film a scene for this movie for his daughter. So…there’s that!

-Aayala Secura and Kit Fisto are two of my favorite B-roll Jedi.

-Kit just looks so happy to be alive after he force pushes that droid.

-Enter the Clones.

-Here starts Boba’s track down a dark path. I guess watching your father beheaded by a Jedi will do it.

-Geonosis is like Tatooine if Tatooine was infested with giant termite things.

-“Around the Jedi, a perimeter create.” Wow! They are really trying to push Yoda’s backwards speech in this thing.

-Yoda,  you big faker with that cane!

-Hey…that looks like the Death Star! Hey…does anyone see that Count Dooku has a Death Star? Where’s a Bothan when you need one?

-I do have to admit. The music is really the only thing that grounds this movie into the Star Wars Universe and makes it feel like part of the galaxy we know and love. Otherwise…not much else does.

-I think the older I get, the less I can blindly accept the glaringly obvious faults of Attack of the Clones. I remember loving it so much. But again, it just does’t stand the test of time.

-Dooku’s lightsaber is cool.

-Padme has an A-game Baywatch run!

-Force lightning is so cool and is a big draw that the Dark Side has over the light.

-I remember every single person in the theater completely losing their shit when Yoda starts to fight Dooku like a crazy, spinning top.

-Yoda’s battle with Dooku is arguably the best part of this movie. Though Christopher Lee’s stunt double is way too spry to be believable!

-Yoda is a BEAST!!

-“Try not. Do or do not.” Indeed!

-Are the sails really necessary in space? All that space wind.

-Yoda just picks up his cane like a BAMF!

-“Where is your apprentice?” -Mace                                                                              “On his way to Naboo with Senator Amidala….to like…get married!” -Obi       “What? And no invitation? Rude!” -Mace                                                             (or at least I’m sure that’s what he was thinking!)

-“Begun the Clone War has.”

-Imperial Star Destroyers make it real!!

-I really love the decision to cast Jimmy Smits as Bail Organa.

-Across the Universe is a beautiful suite, but flanked by Duel of the Fates and Battle of Heroes, it really isn’t as good. Just like this movie itself.

-All in all. This is my least favorite movie in the entire franchise. And time just makes it worse.

-But it’s Star Wars and I love Star Wars. So there!