Nerd in the City

a poetical excerpt from my journal

On the edges of my consciousness, somewhere deep in the recesses of my mind, just behind my eyes and over my shoulder is a darkness. A sense of doom that I can’t quite put a name on.

I sense it there, every day. My petit roommate. My constant companion.

A lingering sadness. A slow burning anger. 3 lumps of depression sickly sweetening my morning cuppa.

If I could just name it, I’m sure it would dissipate. If I could hold it’s hand and draw it into the sunlight, it would shatter and burst like a well-staked vampire. For surely light is the enemy of the dark.

Or are they faithful companions? Two sides of a coin, standing unjudged in each other’s presense. For one cannot exist without the other.

So, is banishment the order of the day, or acceptance, instead?

Oppressing inner darkness only bolsters it. Denying it’s existence makes it stronger within us.

Hugging it close and calling it “dear friend,” making peeace and shaking hands… I suspect that is where true redemption lies. To understand that we are light and dark at once. The simple (read: complex) duality of human nature is that we are both.

The darkness is my friend as much as the light is. It’s never left me. It’s always there for me. It stands on my left shoulder as the light stands on my right. It holds my hand and calls me “dear friend.” And when we three walk hand in hand, I am whole.