Dear Mrs. Abrams (aka the lovely Katie McGrath),
I wish to apologize in advance. Because if I ever meet your husband on the street or in a restaurant or at an interview or…anywhere, I will be forced to kiss his mouth.
Please know that this is not an effort to tempt him from the sacred bonds of marriage! (As if anyone could tempt him from you!!!) I promise you, my intentions bear no ill will.
This reaction to seeing your husband in real life will merely stem from my deep love of the work he’s done to restore balance to the galaxy. I don’t know how else to accurately express my happiness. A handshake?…too small a gesture. A hug?…still not enough. So a mouth kiss it is. And I’m not gonna lie…I know thst you deserve a big ole mouth kiss yourself! So watch your back.
I could try to excuse my behavior…but truthfully…I’m not even sorry! Did you see The Force Awakens yet? Of course you did! Look who I’m talking to. Then you probably did a lot more than open mouth kiss him afterwards!
Before this gets any more inappropriate. I’ll just say thank you! I’m very sure you had everything to do with the health and happiness of our new fearless leader! He probably could not have done it without you and therefore we, the fans, could not do this without you! Believe that!
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