I Promise, I’ll Keep Trying

Well, there goes all that hard work and those healthy initiatives from a few months back. Remember that? Remember when I thought I’d figured out the “secrets” to staying healthy and spoke like I knew something…anything about it.

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Look at me up there, all pompous and motivated and successful at losing weight. And sure, it doesn’t mean that the things I said weren’t true. The evidence is there. I really did lose that weight. I really was the healthiest I’d ever been. But as with most things…it was temporary. And as with other things… it takes daily maintenance and expended energy.

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Enter moving. And stress. And boys. And family. And humidity. And travel. And Chick-fil-A. Darn you, Chick-fil-A. There weren’t any of you in New York when I was there, so there was no temptation to have you for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And I had blissfully forgotten how good you are! And ps…why is your lemonade so delicious? Is there crack in it? I sorta think there might be crack in it!! Don’t even get me started on you, waffle fries!!

I wish we didn’t need food for survival. Or better still, I wish all food tasted like a health supplement. You don’t want to take it, but you know it will be good for you. Sort of like how I imagine the food in the Matrix tastes. You know, once someone gets unplugged…that goopy, oatmeal looking stuff…the “bowls of snot?”  Yeah. That’s the stuff. Necessary for survival, but you don’t see anyone getting gluttonous with it.

God bless my parents. They did the best they could. And we didn’t have a lot of money growing up, so we lived on a tasty array of fast foods and starches like macaroni and cheese, spaghetti (my mom makes the very best spaghetti!!) Taco Bell, McDonalds, Wendy’s, etc, etc, carbs, etc, etc, sugars, etc, etc fats! It’s not their fault. And I’d don’t blame them. That junk is delicious. Plus, it’s how you did things back then especially if you didn’t have a lot of money.

Whole Foods was a blip in someone’s mind space and high fructose corn syrup is what made the world go around. Especially in small towns in the south. It was just the way of the world.

All that to say that I still have a problem with food. I don’t know when to say no sometimes. And dear Lord, help me! I cannot resist Publix chocolate chip cookies. Mainly because they too must be laced with crack!!

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I hate to keep talking about the battles of my life. Because I have a lot of harvest moments in there. The fact that I can eat at all and have a home and a job and a family and a life. There are so many times of peace and prosperity in my own little corner, in my own little world. But it’s the battles that really make me feel a part of the human race.

So, I guess it’s time to reinvent my health… again. For the thousandth time. Being in California for the next 2 months is sure gonna be a good kick start!! And I can’t promise that I won’t be here again in 6 months lamenting the weight that I wish would permanently go away. In fact, I should probably go ahead and warn you that I’ll be here again, maybe tomorrow, maybe in a year. But my hope is that if I tell you lovely people about it, maybe one of these days it will stick. Up there in the cockles of my dusty brain. And I’ll be free from the chains that keep me running to food for comforts instead of to what I should be running to. I promise you, I will keep trying!!

Signed,

a nerd in progress…

3 thoughts on “I Promise, I’ll Keep Trying

  1. “Press on. Nothing in the world can take the place of perseverance. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. Press on!” – Calvin Coolidge

    Liked by 1 person

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