Don’t Even Bother

A couple weeks ago, Grace Kelle and I were out as usual. And we met these 2 guys. The one I ended up talking to was funny and nice and cute so I gave him my number.

At the end of the night he (of course) invited me home with him. Promising all kinds of “fun.” I immediately regretted giving him my #, but what’s done was done. When we parted, he said he wasn’t sure he was gonna call.
Which is a weird thing to say to a girl whose pants you want to get into. When I got home, this is the text that awaited…
“I’m still deciding…”

Yuk!!! After receiving that I wrote back,
“If you have to think about it then you can go ahead and forget my number.”

And my question is… why even bother? Don’t take my number. If all you want is sex and I clearly am not giving into that, then why show any interest beyond that?
Just move on to the next pair of breats and save me the trouble of deleting you… you idiot!!

Color Me Confused

First up is Smiley. I met Smiley at our favorite karaoke haunt, Gabby O’Hara’s one Tuesday night. He wore a suit, bought me a drink and played a mean bongo drum. We started talking and eventually exchanged numbers. A story as old as time. Or as old as bars.

He even came out with me and all my friends that very Friday night. He was so nice and really took the time to talk to them and made himself the pseudo protector of our merry little band. Excited at the prospect of a new flirt, I went home thinking ‘He’s a good one.’ And all my friends went home thinking, ‘The girl finally found someone to date.’

WRONG!!!

I’m gonna go ahead and bullet point this portion cause it gets weird:

– I invite him to church

– He accepts and comes that Sunday

– We exit church together

– No dinner invitation is extended

– Instead he says “I’m gonna go grab a drink and head back to work”

– I scratch my head in confusion and go home to eat alone

–  While on the train (not 20 mins later) I receive a text that says “What are you doing?”

– My inner monologue: “What do you think I’m doing, dumb ass? I’m going home to eat alone because you couldn’t muster the balls to ask me out in person”

– Actual reply: “Going home to wash dishes and eat dinner”

– Smiley: “I love washing dishes, I’ll come over”

– My inner monologue: “Oh you will, will you? We just met less that a week ago, home slice. So… no, I don’t think you will be coming over to ‘wash my dishes!'”

– Actual reply: “I live far away and have no air conditioning so it’s really hot here. Rain check?”

– Smiley: “I don’t care how far away you live and I can fan myself with the clothes I take off. Hahaha. LOL.”

-Inner monologue and actual reply collide into: “Huh? @%&((!**??????”

AND SCENE!!

I told him he should’ve asked me out when he was standing not 2 feet from me and that maybe I’d see him at karaoke sometime.    He hasn’t been to karaoke since and I promptly deleted his phone number. Color Me Confused!!!