Brand New Episode

Episode 27: Push-Ups in a bar

Starring:

Liz Tailor

Ethical Closet (Click the links below):

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IMG_3836Who does push-ups in a bar??”

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Color Me Confused

First up is Smiley. I met Smiley at our favorite karaoke haunt, Gabby O’Hara’s one Tuesday night. He wore a suit, bought me a drink and played a mean bongo drum. We started talking and eventually exchanged numbers. A story as old as time. Or as old as bars.

He even came out with me and all my friends that very Friday night. He was so nice and really took the time to talk to them and made himself the pseudo protector of our merry little band. Excited at the prospect of a new flirt, I went home thinking ‘He’s a good one.’ And all my friends went home thinking, ‘The girl finally found someone to date.’

WRONG!!!

I’m gonna go ahead and bullet point this portion cause it gets weird:

– I invite him to church

– He accepts and comes that Sunday

– We exit church together

– No dinner invitation is extended

– Instead he says “I’m gonna go grab a drink and head back to work”

– I scratch my head in confusion and go home to eat alone

–  While on the train (not 20 mins later) I receive a text that says “What are you doing?”

– My inner monologue: “What do you think I’m doing, dumb ass? I’m going home to eat alone because you couldn’t muster the balls to ask me out in person”

– Actual reply: “Going home to wash dishes and eat dinner”

– Smiley: “I love washing dishes, I’ll come over”

– My inner monologue: “Oh you will, will you? We just met less that a week ago, home slice. So… no, I don’t think you will be coming over to ‘wash my dishes!'”

– Actual reply: “I live far away and have no air conditioning so it’s really hot here. Rain check?”

– Smiley: “I don’t care how far away you live and I can fan myself with the clothes I take off. Hahaha. LOL.”

-Inner monologue and actual reply collide into: “Huh? @%&((!**??????”

AND SCENE!!

I told him he should’ve asked me out when he was standing not 2 feet from me and that maybe I’d see him at karaoke sometime.    He hasn’t been to karaoke since and I promptly deleted his phone number. Color Me Confused!!!