When I think of starry nights, I think of one in particular. There was a girl and a boy and a perfect date.
A date so memorable that I made an episode about it in my web series a few years ago. Take a look…
You know what’s funny? Well, maybe funny is the wrong word. Tragic may be more appropriate! Back then I used to blame everything that happened on dates on myself. How I acted, what I wore, what I said, if I was nice enough, if I smiled enough. Maybe we ended up “just friends” because I didn’t let him kiss me that night.
Or hey…maybe it wasn’t me at all. Maybe the circumstance of his life left him unable to move onto someone new and I came around at exactly the wrong moment. Or maybe it was bad timing all around. Maybe I did nothing wrong at all and it was exactly what it was!
The older I get the more I find myself exonerating…myself from past “sins.” I think that’s called getting wiser.
No matter what I did in my past, I learned from it. I grew and became a better person. Hell, I love who I am today and I had to get here by going through ALL THAT SH*T!!! By doing stupid things like sharing starry nights with boys who just wanted to be friends with me. Starry nights are something very special. Don’t waste them!
Moral of the story is…don’t stop dreaming because of one “perfect” night under the stars. I did. I changed when that weird, non-lationship ended the way it was always going to end. I put romance and dating and boyfriends and falling in love in a little box marked “DO NOT OPEN.” And why? Because one boy wasn’t someone I had a future with. Silly, Lizzie!
I don’t blame him. It wasn’t his fault. And now I finally know, in my heart, that it wasn’t mine either. Maybe now I can stop putting that night on a damned pedestal and move the hell on! It’s time!!
From now on, I’m saving my starry nights for someone who deserves them!
You know what’s hard to do? Write a book about boys and dating when you currently have no interest in boys or dating. I know, I know…I wrote an entire 40 episode web series on boys and dating. So…there’s that.
And I can’t really describe to you what’s changed. The fundamental paradigm shift that’s happened in my brain and body that led me from wanting love and marriage to wanting nothing to do with them. We’re definitely in uncharted territory over here.
It’s a particularly difficult realization to come to. Finding out that a book consisting of all my funniest stories revolve around the men that I’m not with. The guys that I’ve kissed. The boys that I do not miss. Every time I sit down to write, I think to myself “Is my life all about boys? Is the sum of my life’s work, the roster of dudes that I’ve been involved with one way or another?????” When I think about it, I make this face…
And then this mentally happens….
And before you know it I’m on a full-on shame spiral where I am left examining all past mistakes through a very judgmental microscope. It’s not pretty. No one wants to be around that level of Debbie Down. I don’t even want to be around me sometimes.
Here’s what I know…I left New York for a reason. It wasn’t where I needed to be anymore. And I’m the kind of person that has no problem changing my circumstance. When things go bad or are no longer healthy for me, I change them. I move or get a new job or join a gym or stop drinking soda. It’s often as simple as that. I moved because I wanted to be able to find someone and fall in love…that was the reason. That’s what I said in the last episode of my web series. Remember…
That was not the truth. I think I thought it was the truth at the time. Is truth a relative thing? It was true then, but it’s not true anymore. Does that make it a lie? Was I lying to myself when I said I just wanted to fall in love? Cause right now…I know that I don’t. It’s the last thing I want for my life. This messy existence I’m currently living, love would only make it messier, if that’s even possible. And I have plenty of tangible, understandable love from my family and my friends. But romantic love? No thanks.
No wonder I have writer’s block, since what I’ve given myself to write about are stories about something I no longer want. I still want to share my experiences with you, world. I want you to benefit from my experiences. To learn from my mistakes. To understand me better by understanding where I’ve been. But I’m having a hell of a time doing it. I’ll be lucky if I have any hair left for my picture in the book jacket…
In the meantime, while I figure it all out, I’m going to attempt to return to the blog I love. The blog I have neglected lately. The blog I started long ago and often take for granted. This is my brain on blog so, read at your discretion. And if you choose to, thanks for coming along for the ride!!
As Valentine’s Day approaches, I wanted to take a look at one of the most romantic figures in all of literature…Mr. Darcy himself. I’m hard pressed to find anyone that matches up to this paragon of moral fiber. So instead of pitting people against him. I’ll pit him against himself and share some of my favorite Darcy’s with you.
I admit, it was hard to rank them, if only because everyone who I’ve seen take on the role has brought something delightful and fully their own to the great visage of Mr. Darcy. And has only managed to cement my love of Darcy with each and every scene. From movies to television mini series to the You Tube phenomenon. Here are the Darcy’s I know and love. Let me introduce…
#1: Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy
No one more embodies the qualities that I look for in a Darcy, than Mr. Colin Firth from the BBC mini series version of Pride and Prejudice. These days when I read the book over and over again, it is Firth’s face that I picture offering Elizabeth his hand in marriage. It’s Firth that saves poor Lydia’s reputation from the evil clutches of George Wickham and it is Firth that comes to Elizabeth again and asks if her heart has changed towards him. He is THE Darcy for me. So he deserves his place at the top! I dare you to defy this!
#2: Colin Firth as Mark Darcy
Is it any wonder that when Helen Fielding wrote Bridget Jones’ Diary she was inspired by Colin Firth’s Mr. Darcy as the hero of her story. BJD is a modern adaptation of Pride and Prejudice (for those of you who didn’t know.) And in casting Fielding’s homage to the original Mr. Darcy, who better than the original Mr. Darcy. Enter Colin Firth…again! For all the reasons that he makes a truly great Darcy, not only in a period drama, but in modern times, I refer you back to point #1!
#3: Sir Lawrence Olivier as Mr. Darcy
Next up is the classic, the incomparable (I know, I am in fact comparing him) Sir Lawrence Olivier. This 1940 version of Pride and Prejudice was actually my first introduction to the Jane Austen story. (I admit I never read the book when I was supposed to in high school.) One night this treasure came on TCM (my favorite channel in college) and I was enchanted. Starring Lawrence Olivier as Mr. Darcy and Greer Garson as Elizabeth Bennet, it was the first time I gave Pride and Prejudice a real chance. And yes, you read that right, it wasn’t until college that I truly fell in love. And it was Sir Lawrence who did the wooing. This adaptation actually strays from the book in many places. Lady Catherine comes to like Elizabeth and even recommends her to Darcy. We never even see Georgiana Darcy. And the costumes are not representative of the correct time period. But it just goes to show that sometimes accuracy does not always entreat the deepest of loves. This film sparked my love of all things Austen, which is probably why Olivier holds so high a placement on this list. I won’t apologize for it. He belongs here. And I still have a copy of this movie on VHS to prove my love!
#4: Daniel Vincent Gordh as William Darcy
As each adaptation is released and spun in a new direction, I find brand new ways to love this age old story. Enter The Lizzie Bennet Diaries. A You Tube web series that in fact inspired me to try my hand at telling my own stories through the use of a web series. Lizzie Bennet is a grad student in mass communication and starts a vlog. Charlotte Lu, her best friend, helps her shoot and edit the videos. William Darcy is the haughty owner of Pemberley Digital, a media company that Lizzie eventually visits as part of her study. Darcy doesn’t even get screen time till Episode 59. The viewer relies on Lizzie’s retelling and reenacting of events and is the better for it, because Ashley Clements’ Lizzie Bennet is definitely one of my all time favorites. Will Darcy is significantly more hipster than his predecessors, but the result is simply delightful.
#5: Matthew Macfadyen as Mr. Darcy
While Macfadyen makes a very good Darcy, I have so many issues with this version of Pride and Prejudice. The line “Well then, your hands are cold” said by Elizabeth Bennet after Darcy confesses his love a second time, irks me to no end! And his declaration of “I love-I love-I love you”… BLECK! Even Mr. Bingley telling Jane Bennet that he’s “been an unmitigated and comprehensive ass” rubs me the wrong way. But Macfadyen makes so high an entry on my list, not based on the merit of the entire film, but on his performance as Darcy alone. There is a moment when he and Elizabeth are flirting about Lizzie’s proficiency at piano and he smiles at her…that smile alone earns him a high ranking! But the rest of his performance is sufficiently Darcy-esque. And it should be noted that I also really enjoy Kiera Knightley as Elizabeth Bennet, it’s just the other liberties that grate.
#6: Martin Henderson as Will Darcy
I have such a soft spot for this Bollywood adaptation, Bride and Prejudice. The flourishing musical numbers alone sold me on it. But the way they weaved the story into the culture of India’s Bollywood is effortless and maintains the integrity of the original work. Martin Henderson’s Will Darcy is appropriately charming at times, but can also play a snobbish prig as well. His chemistry with Aishwayra Rai’s Lalita Bakshi is straight out of an Austen novel and it just works!
#7: Matthew Rhys as Mr. Darcy
This Darcy is a newer entry for me. I never read the P.D. James novel, Death Comes to Pemberley (mystery novels are more my mother’s speed.) But I can never seem to pass on an adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. So when Netflix suggested that I watch it, I did! And boy am I glad that my Netflix knows me so well (scarily well!) Matthew Rhys has everything one could want in a classic Darcy. This PBS Masterpiece mini series is a continuation of the story of P+P. Elizabeth and Fitzwilliam have a son and are living in marital bliss, until there’s a murder at Pemberley and the infamous George Wickham is a suspect. Darcy starts to question everything, including his devotion to his beloved Elizabeth. I have to tell you, this is a sexier Pemberley than Austen lovers are used to. There’s even some Darcy and Elizabeth make-up sexy times. Didn’t see that one coming! If you haven’t seen this movie…head to your nearest Netflix and do it!
#8: Sam Riley as Mr. Darcy
I already shared all my thoughts about Pride and Prejudice and Zombies earlier this week. (Click Here) But I’ll reiterate the merits of Sam Riley’s hardened, zombie-killing Darcy. He is prejudiced. He is prideful. He is a charming bad ass!! Look at that gif…oh the brooding!! He has what it takes to earn the Darcy title. He is only so far down on the list because all of his Darcy predecessors stole my heart first. Else, I’d say he definitely deserves higher placement. There just isn’t any room. Sorry, Sam!
#9: Elliot Cowan as Mr. Darcy
Enter Elliot Cowan’s Mr. Darcy in the mini series, Lost in Austen. Cowan is also an excellent Darcy, but again…he suffers the number 9 spot because everyone else beat him to it. But excuse me…there is an homage to Colin Firth’s Darcy that cannot go unmentioned. When Amanda Price trades places with Elizabeth Bennet and finds herself smack in the middle of a story she has grown up knowing, watching and loving, she takes it upon herself to try and keep the characters true to their story lines. And even interjects some deliciousness here and there. Including this moment where Mr. Darcy emerges from the water (after Price told him he had to jump in and do this to appease her.) YUM!
#10: David Rintoul as Mr. Darcy
Ah! Poor David Rintoul. Here he is rounding out the end of my list. David is an excellent Darcy, as Darcy’s go. What he suffers from is a very slow paced, 1980’s version of Pride and Prejudice that I find much harder to watch then every other adaptation on this list. Rintoul has all the appropriate airs and looks darn good in a top hat and ascot, if I do say so myself. But this is not a version that I pop in on sick days. In fact, rewatching it for this list was mildly painful and I didn’t make it through the whole thing…just skipped to the good parts. If you don’t know what the good parts are, then you have homework to do and better get to it!
There you have it. My comprehensive list of Darcy’s. I’ve got a crush on all of them, but how about you?
Ladies, which Darcy floats your Valentine’s boat?
Men, is there a Miss Bennet that you prefer above all others? One of these days I’ll get around to ranking the Elizabeth Bennets of the small and silver screens.
In the meantime, don’t miss Friday’s #NerdySlumberParty. We are talking all about crushes! Which means Darcy will definitely have to be mentioned! 😉
Welcome to this week’s edition of Follow Friday. A place where I share the cool things that I’ve discovered on social media and such. I love them and I want you to love them too. So I hope you enjoy today’s list!!
I have to tell you that I’m a more than a little obsessed with Hamilton the Broadway Musical. It’s all I can listen to right now. I know, I know. I’m late to the bandwagon. The world nation world is obsessed with it. I don’t know if you know this about me, but along with my myriad other nerdy pursuits, I am also a history nerd (thanks to my dad.) So before I talk about anything else, I want to encourage you to get obsessed with this musical first and foremost, because it deserves your ears and your adoration and your love. Head to Spotify and check it out or just go on ahead and buy it on iTunes… you will not regret it. And while you’re at it, go follow Lin Manuel-Miranda, who wrote it (and also wrote In the Heights) and is a creative mind that you should be following (more on him in a later edition of Follow Friday, because he deserves his own shoutout!) Be inspired by how Lin sees the history of this nation!! It’s completely beautiful!
I don’t know how to explain exactly what Zach does on his Instagram and Vine channels. The best way I can tell you is to say that he creates insane movie magic and you will be left wondering how the hell he does what he does! Please go check him out right now.
I know I talk about this one all the time, so I’m hoping the chances are high that everyone who reads my blog has already gone ahead and watched the LBD, rendering this suggestion completely unnecessary! But on the off chance that there is someone reading this that hasn’t seen the Lizzie Bennet Diaries yet, then here we go. This modern You Tube adaptation of Pride and Prejudice is lovely, wonderful and all the best of adjectives I can possibly conjure up!! If you are a fan of Jane Austen’s work, this is for you. If you are a fan of compelling story telling, this is for you. If you are a fan of creativity and ingenuity, this is for you. If you have eyes…THIS IS FOR YOU!! Get me?
This man puts objects in his beard to test the strength and fortitude of his facial hair. It’s as simple as that! Pierce Thiot discovered this unique talent one night with his family. “Over Christmas break, my mom had her grandkids do a talent show for her (she’s an adorable grandma). I tried to put as many pencils as possible in it for my “talent”. I got over 20. Needless to say, my mother was very proud.” If you are still trying to navigate life and figure out what your talent might be, chose to take inspiration from Pierce! You never know where your talent lies. It could be in your very beard!
Yep, this one is a little self promotional. But if you follow me on social media and haven’t yet joined in one of my #NerdySlumberParty Twitter parties, then now is the time. Or rather, next Friday is the time. We’re talking crushes for Valentine’s Day weekend. There will be virtual catering, giveaways and I even have a cohost this time. @HiddlestonedEducator and I will be chatting and nerding out and probably talking about a whole lot of Tom Hiddleston! Can you even blame us! 😉 Come on over to the party on Twitter at 9pm est on Friday, February 12th with the hashtag: #NerdySlumberParty. Fun is guaranteed!
And, of course, if you aren’t yet following me everywhere else yet, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, You Tube, Pinterest, Podcast coming soon, Periscope (@nerdinthecity), Vine, Snapchat (@nerdinthesand) and on the very Blog you are currently reading, then now’s the time to pick your favorite platform, cause I have a little something for everyone!
Thanks for reading. Go forth and discover something or someone new!
Exactly 1 year ago, I debuted the first episode of my web series, So…This Happened on You Tube. I can’t believe it’s been a year since I started that little adventure.
The other day I was asked what I’m most proud of in my life and I’d have to say that my series is one of the coolest things I ever did. (With lots of wonderful help from lots of wonderful people, of course.)
To tell you the truth, I’m a bit of a quitter. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it’s true. As I’ve gotten older it’s become less true, but it’s still there. Creeping up on me in weaker moments. Catching me unawares when I know better!!
In high school, I was in the marching band and I played the oboe and the flute. Summer after my junior year a couple of my closest friends moved away and so I quit the marching band…right before my senior year. It made no sense. Why quit something I had given years of my life to. And that I really enjoyed. But the prospect of finishing without those friends just didn’t seem appealing, so I skated through my senior year. A little like a ghost.
The same is true of my studies at the piano. I had been taking lessons since I was 5 years old. When I was 15 I had this teacher that was really hard on me. She was often belligerent and she would cut my nails down to the nub. Rather than tell my parents that I was unhappy, I just quit after my teacher threatened to cut my acrylic french manicure. The manicure I had spent $40 on for the homecoming dance. Some people might not consider dedicating 10 years of my life to something as quitting, but I loved and love playing piano. I could have switched teachers, I could have told my parents. But I just quit.
Quitter! That’s me. If I don’t want to do it…I won’t. I dream big and then get bored. So to not only start a project, but to see it all the way through to completion… that is a major accomplishment for me.
The series is something that should never have happened and almost didn’t. But then came along a friend who believed in my vision and some strange amount of determination to continue on.
When I think about the new projects that I want to do, I remember that feeling of accomplishment and pride and I know that if adversity comes between me and my goal…it has no chance. I am a fortress, an albatross. A Patronus flying towards fears and saying “Bring it on!” I will see my goals through!! I may take the long road and I still have to fight to put in that extra elbow grease and also fight the desire to watch Netflix instead sometimes. But that’s because I’m human!! Maybe you can relate!
If you missed out on my little web series…don’t worry, it’s all available on You Tube and I hope you like it! Here’s the trailer:
And don’t miss out on my newest series, Cross Country Nerds with author, Jonas Lee:
Get ready, cause it’s the last episode of the series. The shelves have been cleared. The flowers have come down and my cab is on it’s way. A new chapter in my life is about to begin. New chapter, same Liz!!