Starry Night

Starry Nights Web Series So...This Happened Nerd in the City blog post

Starry Nights Web Series So...This Happened Nerd in the City blog post

When I think of starry nights, I think of one in particular. There was a girl and a boy and a perfect date.

A date so memorable that I made an episode about it in my web series a few years ago. Take a look…

You know what’s funny? Well, maybe funny is the wrong word. Tragic may be more appropriate! Back then I used to blame everything that happened on dates on myself. How I acted, what I wore, what I said, if I was nice enough, if I smiled enough. Maybe we ended up “just friends” because I didn’t let him kiss me that night.

Or hey…maybe it wasn’t me at all. Maybe the circumstance of his life left him unable to move onto someone new and I came around at exactly the wrong moment. Or maybe it was bad timing all around. Maybe I did nothing wrong at all and it was exactly what it was!

The older I get the more I find myself exonerating…myself from past “sins.” I think that’s called getting wiser.

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PS, this is the first gif that comes up when you Google “wiser.”

No matter what I did in my past, I learned from it. I grew and became a better person. Hell, I love who I am today and I had to get here by going through ALL THAT SH*T!!! By doing stupid things like sharing starry nights with boys who just wanted to be friends with me. Starry nights are something very special. Don’t waste them!

Moral of the story is…don’t stop dreaming because of one “perfect” night under the stars. I did. I changed when that weird, non-lationship ended the way it was always going to end. I put romance and dating and boyfriends and falling in love in a little box marked “DO NOT OPEN.” And why? Because one boy wasn’t someone I had a future with. Silly, Lizzie!

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I don’t blame him. It wasn’t his fault. And now I finally know, in my heart, that it wasn’t mine either. Maybe now I can stop putting that night on a damned pedestal and move the hell on! It’s time!!

From now on, I’m saving my starry nights for someone who deserves them!

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Platonic Friendlationships

Downton Abbey Season 6 Spoilers Ahead…

 

 

 

I confess. As I’ve watched Downton Abbey the last 2 seasons, I’ve come to wish that Branson and Mary would try and make a go of it. After all, they get along famously and make each other genuinely better people (especially in Mary’s case.) Plus little Sybbie and Master George are growing up together anyways. Why not just go ahead already?

Tom Branson and Mary Crawley Downton Abbey platonic friendlationship blog post
Photo from dailymail.co.uk

But, after Sunday’s episode, I have finally accepted that it isn’t meant to be. Mainly because Mary married another dude. So all my dreams of the perfect ship have drowned.

In the aftermath of disappointment, a new feeling and deeper understanding of Mary and Branson has taken shape. Theirs is the perfect example of a platonic friendlationship done splendidly right. Possibly the only one on TV that I have ever witnessed. (Arguments could be made for Jerry and Elaine from Seinfeld or Phoebe and Joey from Friends.) See, what happens most of the time (and especially on soap operas) is that man meets woman, man loves woman, man loses woman, man finds new woman, man loves new woman. And the same is true on the women’s side as well. Anyone with television watching history knows that the best couples start out either on opposite ends of the spectrum (hating each other) or as the very best of friends (and not realizing they love each other.) Enter Mary Crawley and Tom Branson. Not only did they start out at opposite ends of the spectrum (he a chauffeur, she a rich aristocrat and them hating each other) but after the deaths of not one, but both of their spouses, they became the most unlikely pair of best friends. Hence the thought that they might end up together.

Instead, they remain dear and devoted friends. (In fact, Tom was the best man at both of Mary’s weddings. Chew on that one!) They are friends who love one another deeply, but who didn’t so much as look sideways at one another in a romantical way (despite my fervent prayers for it to happen.) Perhaps it was because he was married to her sister. It could be that the class lines just couldn’t be crossed. But I think it’s because sometimes, every once in a while, men and women can truly just be friends and nothing more.

I have to say, this has not been my experience. If I haven’t had feelings (unwanted or otherwise) for a guy, a guy has had feelings (unwanted or otherwise) for me. In fact, the best friend I have, who is of the male species, is my brother.

Platonic Friendlationships are very hard to come by. And harder to keep. Which is why Mary and Branson not getting together (and fulfilling my hopes and dreams) is a really, really good thing. I often desperately need to be reminded that men and women can be friends without the mushy stuff getting in the way. That it isn’t all about roses and rainbows and kisses in the rain. Sometimes it’s about honesty and kindness and a person you can rely on to always be there, even when it’s hard.

TOm Branson and Mary Crawley platonic friendlationship PBS blog post
Photo from gpb.org

(Deep breath and shoulder shrug) I wish it was as easy as having a team of writers craft the perfect scenario and just being directed to follow a script. If that were the case, then maybe I could have written it so that the men who’ve come into my life could have just been my friends. There would be no suspicion of ulterior motives. There would be no longing for something more. Just friendship at it’s finest. Honestly, I don’t even know what that would look like. Girl friends, I get. But boys? I’m 33 and I still can’t figure them out!

I will take a lesson from Tom Branson and Mary Crawley (I suppose I need to get used to calling her Mary Talbot now?) I will keep hope alive that men aren’t always trying to get into my pants. That maybe there’s a Branson out there who just wants to be in my life and see me happy, even if it isn’t with him. Perhaps especially if it isn’t with him. Hey, a girl can dream, can’t she?

39 Times Rom Coms Pissed Me Off

You know what really burns my butt? Romantic Comedies!! Because here I am over here…liberated female, free from the ties that bind me and then a movie like When Harry Met Sally comes on and all that level-headed nonsense goes right out the window because…reasons! It just burns. It stings actually.

Pissed Off Yoda

And the worst part is that Romantic Comedies and Dramedies and Sitcomedies and all manner of romance, to be honest, make me weak at the knees. One shot of a semi shirtless Mr. Darcy emerging from the pond at Pemberley and I know what I’ll be dreaming about that night. One little romantic speech from Tom Hanks and farewell normal, everyday human male specimen…don’t even bother, cause you’re no Hanks! Again I say, it burns! Because I don’t want to have that vision in my head. That romantic ideal and yet there it sits. Waiting for the moment to strike. The moment when a guy chooses to take me to a Starbucks for a first date instead of guerilla paintball a la 10 Things I Hate About You. Or at the airport while boarding my plane and no one comes to stop me from getting on…how rude! Or how about when I’m at a holiday party with no date and then…no one bursts through the door to save me.

The beautiful truth is that I can save myself, thank you very much. Always have, always will. The crappy side effect of my frail humanity is that I still want to be saved sometimes. In moments of weakness and ice cream… I want it.

And I’ve decided that Rom Coms are to blame. It doesn’t mean for a second that I’ll stop watching them, because I’m a weak human girlie specimen. And also…reasons! Regardless, here are the 39 romantic moments that just piss me off!!! Who’s with me??

(**This is not the order in which I love hate these movies.)

39.The Switch

The Switch Jason bateman gif Rom Com Movie Moments

38. Love and Basketball

Love and Basketball Gif Rom Com Movie Moments

37. No Strings Attached

No Strings Attached Rom Com Movie Moments

36. Leap Year

Leap Year Rom Com Movie Moment

35. Never Been Kissed

Never Been Kissed Rom Com Movie Moment

34. My Big Fat Greek Wedding

My Big Fat Greek WEdding Rom Com Movie Moment

33. Someone Like You

Someone Like You Rom Com Movie Moments

32. She’s All That

Freddie Prince Jr. She's All That Rom Com Movie Moments

31. Jerry McGuire

Jerry MaGuire Movie Moments

30. The Bodyguard

The Bodyguard Movie Moment

29.  Grease

John Travolta Grease Rom Com Movie Moment

28. The Wedding Planner

The Wedding Planner

27. Ella Enchanted

Ella Enchanted Rom Com Movie Moments

26.Say Anything

Say Anything Boom Box Movie Moment

25. Lady and the Tramp

Lady and the Tramp spaghetti gif Movie Moments

24. Clueless

Clueless Paul Rudd Rom Com Movie Moments

23. The Nanny Diaries

The Nanny Diaries Rom Com Movie Moments

22. Friends with Benefits

Friends with Benefits Justin Timberlake Rom Com Movie Moments

21. Jane Austen Book Club

The Jane Austen Book Club Rom Com Movie Moment

20. Because I Said So

Because I Said So Gabriel Macht Rom Com Movie Moments

19. Hitch

Hitch Rom com movie moments

18. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

17. Dirty Dancing

Dirty Dancing Patrick Swayze Movie Moments

16. Emma

Emma Movie Moments Mr. Knightley

15. Moulin Rouge

Ewan McGregor Moulin Rouge Movie Moments

14. Sleepless in Seattle

Sleepless in Seattle Rom Com Movie Moment

13. 27 Dresses

27 Dresses Rom Com Movie Moments

12. Pretty Woman

Pretty Woman Rom Com Movie Moment

11. The Mirror Has Two Faces

The Mirror Has Two Faces Rom Com Movie Moments

10. 13 Going on 30

13 Going on 30 Rom Com Movie Moments

9. 10 Things I Hate About You

10 Things I Hate About You Rom Com Movie Moments

8. While You Were Sleeping

While You Were Sleeping ROm COm Movie Moments

7. The Proposal

The Proposal Rom Com Movie Moments

6. Love Actually

Love Actually Rom Com Movie Moments

5. The Princess Bride

The Princess Bride As you Wish Movie Moment

4. You’ve Got Mail

You've Got Mail Tom Hanks Rom Com Movie Moments

3. Bridget Jones’ Diary

Bridget Jones' Diary Rom Com Movie Moments

2. Pride and Prejudice (mini series)

Pride and Prejudice Mr. Darcy Movie Moments

1. When Harry Met Sally (My favorite of all time!)

When Harry Met Sally Rom Com Movie Moments

 

OK, so some of them aren’t Rom Coms. There are Rom Drams and Rom Musical Coms up there, but you get my drift. Romance is stupid and yucky and I love it hate it!!! Hate with a capital H and that stands for Hate and that rhymes with Hate!

Which Rom Coms are your favorite least favorite!!

7 bonus movies that I was reminded of after hitting publish:

Fools Rush In

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The Holiday 

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The Decoy Bride

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My Best Friend’s Wedding

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Return to Me

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Sweet Home Alabama

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Runaway Bride

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I Pitch My Tent in the Valley

I had a revelation about dating. It’s not ground breaking information or anything. Just a thought about me. The person I know the most and spend the most time with. And maybe you’ve felt or feel like this and that is why we share. To find connection. To say, “Hey, you’re there right now? Me too.”
So…I don’t like dating. It’s no secret. And I recently went on a date with a really nice guy. He was socially well adjusted and he liked nerdy things and he loved Jesus. He was quite possibly a unicorn. But I wasn’t having any of it. I didn’t wanna go. And when he asked me out for a second date (something I’ve never been on with anyone) I dragged my feet about it. And turned into a whiner. I whined about it. “Do I have to go?” I asked my friends and family. The same friends and family who have heard me complain time and again that I don’t get asked out by decent guys and have heard me complain that I’ve never even been on a second date with anyone…ever.
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What was wrong with me? What have I been saying??? “Unicorn!” “Where are all the unicorns?” “If only I could find a unicorn then maybe my relationship stuff would be over.” But here was a unicorn sitting in front of me and I couldn’t be bothered.
It wasn’t adding up.

There’s an element that I have not shared with you beautiful nerds. I’ve kept it close. It was too private to share. But…here goes everything.
I accidentally fell in love somewhere in the 8 years I was living in New York. And yes…accidentally falling in love is as stupid as it sounds. And it doesn’t produce the happy outcome that you readers and viewers and family and friends so graciously hope for my life.

I’m only giving the highlights because of anonymity and because if he ever reads this (highly unlikely), he knows all he needs to about it and doesn’t need to know any more than what I’ve chosen to share. And because there is way more to it than this, but this is the important stuff.

The bullet points are as follows:
-He’s a boy
-I’m a girl
-We were friends
-Then we were roommates
-I moved out
-I missed him
-I started to feel more
-But knew it was not a possibility
-So I tried to get over it
-And failed miserably
-I told him I was in love with him
-But nothing happened
-Then I moved to Florida (not because of!! Important note.)

Now as I mentioned, this unicorn guy came along after the bullet points. And the bullet points, of course, have a lot to do with a lack of enthusiasm about the unicorn.

Here’s what it boils down to. I’m 32 now. I’m not getting any younger. But hey!! I am getting way…way better!!
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I’m about to be an aunt. And almost all my friends and family are married. It’s natural. It’s what happens. But maybe that’s not what “happens” to me.

See…dating comes with a price tag. The price is that there are a set of expectations in a dating situation that for a hurricane like me, are unavoidable and undesirable. Expectations like…do I like him? Would I kiss him? Do I want to have sex one day with him? Would I marry him? (I’m drastically over simplifying but you get it.) All the while society and well-meaning church folks ask the dreaded questions…”When will you be getting married?” “Should I set you up on a blind date since you’re still single?” “Don’t you want to be happy?”

So instead of turning to a unicorn who I know there is potential with, I turn to and fixate on the bullet points. Cause there is no future there. There is no expectation of more. And that is ok with me right now.

But “NO!” you say. You’re shaking your head that it isn’t better. I know what you mean and I know why you shake, but I currently disagree… because I’m not looking for ‘The One’ I’m looking for a friend. Friendship is what you hope to end up with at the end of a long married day. A friend. Who gets you and loves you and sure…wants to have some sexy time with ya. But who is ultimately…your FRIEND.

If the only expectation on a date was getting a friend out of it, maybe then it wouldn’t fill me with the crippling fear that it does now. I don’t let fear get in the way for me usually. But with this dating stuff, for some reason, I listen. I don’t want to worry about whether or not some guy is gonna hold my hand or try to kiss me and will I be too polite to tell him I’m not really feeling anything but friendship for him. And why has it become such a crime or an emotional wrecking ball to have that conversation.

I want amazing. I want exciting and I want it with some one who knows me the way the bullet points knew me. But who also loves me back.
And it’s a Catch 22 that won’t happen if I avoid dating. I know that, mom! (She’s pretty smart!) This blog has no answer. It has no solution.

But then again, this blog has never been about having it figured out. Or about teaching how life works. It’s always been about the journey and the figuring and the valley moments. Cause that’s where I find my tent pitched 89% of the time. I’ll let someone else write about the mountain top.
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Cross Country Nerds

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A dear friend, who knows my propensity for nerdities emailed me, over a year ago, about a friend of hers that had just written a science fiction book and was looking for bloggers to read it and possibly blog about it. I always love discovering new books and authors and I really love to use my blog to highlight the great artistry and work that other people are accomplishing. So I eagerly started to read “A Time to Reap: The Legend of Carter Gabel” by Jonas Lee.  (check out my interview with Jonas and review of the book and then go forth and read!!) And I loved it! So I wrote a blog and connected with the author, Jonas.

Come to find out, we had much more than a love of science fiction in common. And we became instant social media friends! Tweeting the latest rumors about Star Wars and discussing shows like The Flash and Arrow.

It’s funny how these days you can become friends with someone and never see them in person. It’s a standard of our time period. I have countless friends on Twitter and Instagram and Facebook that I feel like I know well, but have never met and may never get the chance to meet. Or chat with face to face.

This is not the case with Jonas Lee. Tonight at 8pm est, we will be chatting live on Google Hangouts. Exploring topics like Star Wars, Marvel, DC, what it means to be a nerd in the 21st century, what it was like ‘growing up nerd,’ and anything else nerdy, geeky, dorky or otherwise! If you have something you want us to talk about, by all means tweet it to us at #CrossCountryNerds

He lives in South Dakota. I live in Florida. If not for the wonderful world of the world wide web, we might never have met. Watch what happens next and…

We hope to virtually see you lovely nerds there tonight!! Here’s the link: Cross Country Nerds

Brand New Episode

Previously on So…This Happened…

And now…

Episode 35: Boys vs. Girls

Starring:

Liz Tailor, Sheila Williams, Brianne Blessitt, Eriana Burdan & Patrick Cann

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Photo by Cristina Fowler
Photo by Cristina Fowler
Photo by Cristina Fowler
Photo by Cristina Fowler

Check back every Tuesday for brand new episodes!!