Starry Night

Starry Nights Web Series So...This Happened Nerd in the City blog post

Starry Nights Web Series So...This Happened Nerd in the City blog post

When I think of starry nights, I think of one in particular. There was a girl and a boy and a perfect date.

A date so memorable that I made an episode about it in my web series a few years ago. Take a look…

You know what’s funny? Well, maybe funny is the wrong word. Tragic may be more appropriate! Back then I used to blame everything that happened on dates on myself. How I acted, what I wore, what I said, if I was nice enough, if I smiled enough. Maybe we ended up “just friends” because I didn’t let him kiss me that night.

Or hey…maybe it wasn’t me at all. Maybe the circumstance of his life left him unable to move onto someone new and I came around at exactly the wrong moment. Or maybe it was bad timing all around. Maybe I did nothing wrong at all and it was exactly what it was!

The older I get the more I find myself exonerating…myself from past “sins.” I think that’s called getting wiser.

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PS, this is the first gif that comes up when you Google “wiser.”

No matter what I did in my past, I learned from it. I grew and became a better person. Hell, I love who I am today and I had to get here by going through ALL THAT SH*T!!! By doing stupid things like sharing starry nights with boys who just wanted to be friends with me. Starry nights are something very special. Don’t waste them!

Moral of the story is…don’t stop dreaming because of one “perfect” night under the stars. I did. I changed when that weird, non-lationship ended the way it was always going to end. I put romance and dating and boyfriends and falling in love in a little box marked “DO NOT OPEN.” And why? Because one boy wasn’t someone I had a future with. Silly, Lizzie!

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I don’t blame him. It wasn’t his fault. And now I finally know, in my heart, that it wasn’t mine either. Maybe now I can stop putting that night on a damned pedestal and move the hell on! It’s time!!

From now on, I’m saving my starry nights for someone who deserves them!

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Return to Blogland

You know what’s hard to do? Write a book about boys and dating when you currently have no interest in boys or dating. I know, I know…I wrote an entire 40 episode web series on boys and dating. So…there’s that.

And I can’t really describe to you what’s changed. The fundamental paradigm shift that’s happened in my brain and body that led me from wanting love and marriage to wanting nothing to do with them. We’re definitely in uncharted territory over here.

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It’s a particularly difficult realization to come to. Finding out that a book consisting of all my funniest stories revolve around the men that I’m not with. The guys that I’ve kissed. The boys that I do not miss. Every time I sit down to write, I think to myself “Is my life all about boys? Is the sum of my life’s work, the roster of  dudes that I’ve been involved with one way or another?????” When I think about it, I make this face…

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And then this mentally happens….

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And before you know it I’m on a full-on shame spiral where I am left examining all past mistakes through a very judgmental microscope. It’s not pretty. No one wants to be around that level of Debbie Down. I don’t even want to be around me sometimes.

Here’s what I know…I left New York for a reason. It wasn’t where I needed to be anymore. And I’m the kind of person that has no problem changing my circumstance. When things go bad or are no longer healthy for me, I change them. I move or get a new job or join a gym or stop drinking soda. It’s often as simple as that. I moved because I wanted to be able to find someone and fall in love…that was the reason. That’s what I said in the last episode of my web series. Remember…

That was not the truth. I think I thought it was the truth at the time. Is truth a relative thing? It was true then, but it’s not true anymore. Does that make it a lie? Was I lying to myself when I said I just wanted to fall in love? Cause right now…I know that I don’t. It’s the last thing I want for my life. This messy existence I’m currently living, love would only make it messier, if that’s even possible. And I have plenty of tangible, understandable love from my family and my friends. But romantic love? No thanks.

No wonder I have writer’s block, since what I’ve given myself to write about are stories about something I no longer want. I still want to share my experiences with you, world. I want you to benefit from my experiences. To learn from my mistakes. To understand me better by understanding where I’ve been. But I’m having a hell of a time doing it. I’ll be lucky if I have any hair left for my picture in the book jacket…

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In the meantime, while I figure it all out, I’m going to attempt to return to the blog I love. The blog I have neglected lately. The blog I started long ago and often take for granted. This is my brain on blog so, read at your discretion. And if you choose to, thanks for coming along for the ride!!

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Platonic Friendlationships

Downton Abbey Season 6 Spoilers Ahead…

 

 

 

I confess. As I’ve watched Downton Abbey the last 2 seasons, I’ve come to wish that Branson and Mary would try and make a go of it. After all, they get along famously and make each other genuinely better people (especially in Mary’s case.) Plus little Sybbie and Master George are growing up together anyways. Why not just go ahead already?

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Photo from dailymail.co.uk

But, after Sunday’s episode, I have finally accepted that it isn’t meant to be. Mainly because Mary married another dude. So all my dreams of the perfect ship have drowned.

In the aftermath of disappointment, a new feeling and deeper understanding of Mary and Branson has taken shape. Theirs is the perfect example of a platonic friendlationship done splendidly right. Possibly the only one on TV that I have ever witnessed. (Arguments could be made for Jerry and Elaine from Seinfeld or Phoebe and Joey from Friends.) See, what happens most of the time (and especially on soap operas) is that man meets woman, man loves woman, man loses woman, man finds new woman, man loves new woman. And the same is true on the women’s side as well. Anyone with television watching history knows that the best couples start out either on opposite ends of the spectrum (hating each other) or as the very best of friends (and not realizing they love each other.) Enter Mary Crawley and Tom Branson. Not only did they start out at opposite ends of the spectrum (he a chauffeur, she a rich aristocrat and them hating each other) but after the deaths of not one, but both of their spouses, they became the most unlikely pair of best friends. Hence the thought that they might end up together.

Instead, they remain dear and devoted friends. (In fact, Tom was the best man at both of Mary’s weddings. Chew on that one!) They are friends who love one another deeply, but who didn’t so much as look sideways at one another in a romantical way (despite my fervent prayers for it to happen.) Perhaps it was because he was married to her sister. It could be that the class lines just couldn’t be crossed. But I think it’s because sometimes, every once in a while, men and women can truly just be friends and nothing more.

I have to say, this has not been my experience. If I haven’t had feelings (unwanted or otherwise) for a guy, a guy has had feelings (unwanted or otherwise) for me. In fact, the best friend I have, who is of the male species, is my brother.

Platonic Friendlationships are very hard to come by. And harder to keep. Which is why Mary and Branson not getting together (and fulfilling my hopes and dreams) is a really, really good thing. I often desperately need to be reminded that men and women can be friends without the mushy stuff getting in the way. That it isn’t all about roses and rainbows and kisses in the rain. Sometimes it’s about honesty and kindness and a person you can rely on to always be there, even when it’s hard.

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Photo from gpb.org

(Deep breath and shoulder shrug) I wish it was as easy as having a team of writers craft the perfect scenario and just being directed to follow a script. If that were the case, then maybe I could have written it so that the men who’ve come into my life could have just been my friends. There would be no suspicion of ulterior motives. There would be no longing for something more. Just friendship at it’s finest. Honestly, I don’t even know what that would look like. Girl friends, I get. But boys? I’m 33 and I still can’t figure them out!

I will take a lesson from Tom Branson and Mary Crawley (I suppose I need to get used to calling her Mary Talbot now?) I will keep hope alive that men aren’t always trying to get into my pants. That maybe there’s a Branson out there who just wants to be in my life and see me happy, even if it isn’t with him. Perhaps especially if it isn’t with him. Hey, a girl can dream, can’t she?

Star Wars Re-Watch (Ep V + VI)

Long have I considered Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back to be my favorite Star Wars movie. But this time around, I have to be  honest…Return of the Jedi really pulled out in front. That’s not to say that I don’t consider TESB to be the best of the Star Wars films, because I absolutely do. There’s no denying it’s merit. But there’s something about Jedi that I respond to more and more as I get older.

The hope of redemption for Anakin Skywalker. The path that Luke is set on after the death of his Father and the defeat of the Empire. It’s filled with victory. Empire sets it all up, but has a twinge of sadness and un-fulfillment. Jedi wraps it up with a giant Rebel colored bow on top.

No matter which Star Wars film is your favorite…if you love Star Wars, then you made the right choice! Without further ado here are my reactions to Episodes V + VI, respectively! Enjoy…

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

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-I don’t like snow. But if I had to be in the snow, I’d want to ride a Tauntaun!

-Leia is so not impressed, Han!

-See…they’re fighting again! That’s what it means to be meant to be, right?

 

-“I’d just as soon kiss a Wookie” …or my brother.

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-Awww Han…you old softie!

-Wampa attack to explain Hamill’s facial scarring after his accident between 4 and 5.

-The full length shot of the Wampa in the special edition is a great addition.

-Is this Luke’s first time hearing from Ben after he heard his voice in the X-Wing??

-Learn to read the room, goldenrod!

-What exactly does the inside of a Tauntaun smell like? Do they make a scratch and sniff for that?

-Are Bacta tanks available for civilian use yet? They seem super handy!

-Laser brain…nerf herder…Leia has all the best zingers.

-Also…scruffy looking? Not an insult!

-DON’T KISS YOUR BROTHER, LEIA!! This isn’t Game of Thrones!

-Scruffy looking = HOT!

-These sweeping shots of the Star Destroyers in space are to die for.

-Piet is either super lucky or a major schemer.

-I bet Chewie gives the best hugs!

-Yep, Admiral Ouzel is gonna get it!

-Leia…BOSS since 1977!

-She just never stops being BOSS at everything in life!! Not in a garbage chute…not on an ice planet…not ever in a gold slave bikini! ALWAYS BOSS!

-“Right now I feel like I could take on the whole Empire myself…” – Dak Oh, Dak 😦

-AT-AT’s are mad cool,  but also really slow. I feel like they should be much easier to defeat. And also…I want one for a pet.

-I love Wedge! More Wedge please!

-Snow, Storm, Sand, Clone…Which is the trooper of your choosing?

-Han looooves her….he wants to date her….hug her and marry her!

-Han is quite possibly the perfect man. I feel very confident in saying that!

-Han hitting the Falcon and pulling a total Fonz!

-R2 and Luke together again! Together 4ever!

-Off to Dagobah!

-Dagobah’s not a system…he’s a man. No, wait! That’s not right.

-Han is so good, he knows the difference between a laser blast and as asteroid hitting his ship.

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-Someone turn 3PO off already!

-You don’t know that it’s perfectly safe for droids, Luke.

-R2 is just so presh!

-R2 is by far the funniest one and we don’t even speak the same language. Probing that humor goes far beyond the spoken word.

-Never walk in on Vader while he’s in the middle of a soothing scalp massage.

-Captain Obvious = 3PO!

-Being held by Han would be quite enough to get me excited! (*smiley face emoji with sunglasses!)

-Come on now, Leia! Don’t tell me you didn’t feel a twinge!

-YODA!!!!

-Yoda is very mischievous in Empire. Maybe being a hermit has made him a little batty!

 

-“Wars not make one great!”

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-Here comes the smooching!!!

-Scoundrels are hot…. #WhyImSingle

-C3PO is the biggest cock blocker in the galaxy!

-Wait…Vader mentions the name Skywalker long before this conversation with the Emperor. Isn’t that the big SON flag??

-Yoda is the MAN!! Er…the Muppet!

-If 9 years old was too old, then 20 is definitely too old to start the training and look how it went down for little Ani!

-Leia just sitting there contemplating Han smoochies. We know what she’s thinking about!!

-“I have a bad feeling about this.” -Leia

-Yep…verbal sparring is definitely a trait I look for in a man. Thanks for that Han and Leia. #WhyImSingle

-Ok…definitely gonna work on a #JediinTraining program complete with weighted Yoda backpack and swamp runs.

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-Come on, Luke! You’re the one who came to Dagobah to learn from Yoda and then you don’t listen to his wisdom? You have too much of your father in you.

-I dream of Vader…

-I wonder what would have happened if Luke had taken nothing in there?

-Wah-wah-wah…. No hyperdrive for  you.

-Buh-Bye Admiral. I’m gonna quit learning their names cause…what’s the point. They’re just gonna end up strangled.

-“No!! Try not. Do or do not. There is no try!” BAM mic dropped!

-“Size matters not!”

-“Luminous beings are we. Not this crude matter.” I think we should all remember that one!

-Yoda is one Bad A Mother F!!

-Now…if Yoda hadn’t taken Luke’s ship out of the swamp then he wouldn’t have been able to leave Dagobah!

-“I don’t believe it.” “That is why you fail.” Major truth bombs being dropped on Dagobah!

-Now why wouldn’t Han be checking the scanner to make sure he wasn’t being followed by…oh, I don’t know…a bounty hunter?

-I like that Luke has a Force sensitivity to premonitions like his father before him. Unfortunately he’s also impulsive like his father.

-Think before reacting Luke!

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-Lando is so dashing!

-That silver protocol droid is a bit of a B word! 3PO may be a lot of things, but he’s never rude!

-Luke!!! Listen to Yoda and Obi-Wan! This is why you came here to train.

-Luke and Anakin’s problems are that they won’t make the sacrifices that are sometimes needed for the greater good.

-Han tries to give Leia the puppy dog eyes, but she isn’t having it. They would definitely work on me. I’m highly susceptible to scoundrelly puppy dog eyes!!

-I love how Chewie tries to take such good care of 3PO!

-And yet 3PO is so ungrateful, it hurts!

-LOBOT! I love Lobot!

-BOBA!!!

-See what happens when you get in bed with the Empire, Lando. Shoulda really seen that one coming!

-When exactly did Leia fall for Han? What is the exact moment when she realized it?

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-Nowadays if a man ever responded with “I know” he would get slapped in the face. But Han makes it look hot. Is there anything he can’t do?

-Luke, be careful Luke! It’s really a trap Luke!!!

-Lando’s redemption!

-Leia is having none of it. She’s all “Naw!! You aren’t getting away with that shit, Lando. Chewie! Go ahead and strangle!”

-Seriously,,, 3Po comes with an off switch. They need to use that far more often!

-Father/Son smack talk!

-Anakin!! Come back to the light side. Help your son become a man!!

-Luke getting pummeled in the Cloud City supply closet.

-Stop being belligerent to Chewie, 3PO! You thoughtless droid!

-Here it comes….the BOMBSHELL!

-This first battle between Luke and Vader is bangarang.

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-“If only you knew the power of the Dark Side…”

-“No…I am your father!” “Dat’s not twue…Dat’s impossible!”

-“Come with me, it is the only way!” Or…or I’ll just fall down this giant chute and take my chances!

-As many limbs as Vader’s lost, you’d think he’d be a little more sensitive to sitting off his kid’s arm.

-Ok, on the bright side to falling down that chute and landing on flimsy weather vanes…there’s a beautiful sunset to watch. Front row seat!

-The things Leia has to put up with! MEN!

-R2 to the rescue…as usual!

-“Son, come with me.” “Sure dad! Definitely gonna do that after the whole you-cut-off-my-hand thing. Let’s do this!”

-Everyone is always having those delusions of grandeur.

-Back to Tatooine…the sand trap of the entire galaxy!!

-Look…Lando’s not only driving Han’s ship, he’s also wearing Han’s clothes. Must come with the pilot seat.

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-Leia, girl! Don’t fall for that old stare-out-at-the-galaxy-with-my-arm-around-you move. He’s still your brother!!

 

Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

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-The Death Star looks much more menacing and scary when
it’s half done like that. It’s like the zombie version of that Death Star.

-Oh snap! You do not want to cross Vader. Don’t make him find new ways to motivate you!

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-And we know just how forgiving YOU are, Vader!

-And…we’re back to Tatooine. Seriously! THIS PLANET!

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-As many languages as 3PO speaks…body language is not one of them.

-Neither is sarcasm.

-Neither is context!

-Bib Fortuna. I know all of his lines. He delivers them so well! “Tay wanna wanga.”

-3PO has a bad feeling!

-Luke has grown up so much. And is a straight up hottie now!

-Poor Han!

-“Yes or no will do!” This droid don’t play!

-I love how feisty R2 is!

-Oh no…the remastered version!! YUCK

-At least 6 Boobs is still there. I know…I know. She has a name and a backstory and everything. But I’ve always affectionately known her as 6 Boobs!

-Aren’t you a little short for a bounty hunter?

-Definitely think I could speak Huttese if I really needed to!

-Can you pull your mask down any more conspicuously, Lando?

-Love will not be stopped by bounty hunters or death marks or carbonate.

-“Someone who loves you!”

-Pudu is definitely not always used only in the context of saying “Fodder.” Very subtle way of adding in some space cursing!

-Han and Chewie reunited!

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-GOLD BIKINI.

-Funny that in A New Hope there were no bras in space, but in Return of the Jedi all she gets is a bra.

-See 3PO, if you weren’t so annoying all the time then people would listen when you had something important to say!

-TV Jedi! TV Jedi!!!

-Luke has become completely BOSS! Like his sister before him.

-Poor little Rancor. He thought he was getting his 5 o’clock dinner. He didn’t know that dinner would fight back!

-And the poor Rancor’s owner. His poor little pet who he’d raised from a Rancorling.

-“How we doing? ” “Same as always.” “That bad, huh?”

-“I hate long waits.” Ummm….Han???

-“I used to live here, you know.”  Yeah…so did everyone else in the galaxy!

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-Eewwwww…. Jabba tongue. 😦

-The Sarlaac looks so stupid in the remastered version. Leave perfection alone, George!

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-Luke is a complete bad ass now!! When he catches the lightsaber in mid air…it is on like Donkey Kong!

-Wilhelm scream!!

-Boba Fett…Boba Fett!!

-Get it Leia…kill that Hutt!!!

-Lando’s screen when the Sarlaac grabs his leg!!

-And 3PO has to be put together…again.

-That rope is tied to the exact perfect spot so that Luke and Leia can easily swing to safety.

-Back to Dagobah. And R2 says…not there again!

-Oh snap! The Emperor is here.

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-Emperor Palpatine has that maniacal laughter thing down!

-“Master Yoda…you can’t die!”

-“Strong am I with the Force, but not that strong.”

-If Luke always had to confront Vader, then Obi and Yoda handled the whole thing rather poorly.

-You know, I never thought for a second that Vader could have been lying to Luke. Did anyone ever think that was a possibility?

-Also…Vader never seems super surprised that his kid is alive. Or that he actually has two alive kids. He wouldn’t have been very good on Maury.

-“Pass on what you have learned.”

-“There is another Skywalker!”

-Well Ben, maybe if you’d been preparing Luke for this eventuality!

-“Leia…Leia’s my sister.” And incidentally the only girl you’ve ever met. So…yep!

-Those poor Bothans. Can we hear more about the Bothans? “Many Bothans died” Is the heaviest line!

-And what exactly were the Bothans to Mon Mothma?? Boyfriend? Husband? Girlfriend? Kid?

-“Ask me again sometime”

-The gang’s back together!!

-Looks like Lando finally gave Han his clothes back.

-Fly casual!

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-“Hey…it’s me!”

-How does Luke know how to work that speeder bike that he’s never been on before?

-3PO is actually wearing a gold bikini himself. Go back and look again!

-Wicket Warrick!! Raise your hand if you like Ewoks. I like Ewoks!! Don’t care what anyone says about it!

-I HATE how much Vader has become Palpatine’s bitch. Palpatine scolds him and just tells him what to do all the time.

-2 seconds ago he hadn’t felt it, now he’s foreseen it all?? That hardly seems plausible, Emperor.

-No one ever listens to 3PO! “Very long drop…”

-Of all the people in that forest to worship and they pick 3PO.

-I’d live up in the Ewok village! Or at least vacation up there. Looks like a fun ropes course experience.

-Leia finally gets to let her hair down. Imagine the braid headache she must have from 3 whole movies.

-R2 and Wicket are the cutest of friends.

-Now 3PO is a good story teller. I love his character arc there.

-“We are now part of the tribe!”

-When that Ewok hugs Han!!!

-“Short help is better than no help at all, Chewie.”

“Do you remember your mother? Your real mother?”

-“Very beautiful, kind, but sad…” Sure, that whole dying thing was super upsetting to her!

-“Your father” (she says with utter disdain) Just wait before you say that Leia!

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-That’s quite a bomb to drop on her, Luke.

-Dude, Han! She just found out an evil Lord of the Sith is her father and that she kissed her own brother. Maybe she needs a minute…

-“Hold me…” Like you did by the lake on Naboo. Oh wait…no. But like mother like daughter apparently.

-I love this exchange between Luke and Vader in the corridor. I think it’s my favorite scene.

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-“It is the name of your true self, you’ve only forgotten.” FEELS!!

-“I feel the conflict within you, let go of your hate.” MORE FEELS!!

-“Then my father is truly dead.” I’m not crying…you’re crying!!!

-“Abu? Nagu tak tak?”

-See how useful the Ewoks can be!

-“Not bad for a little fur ball!”

-The Throne Room scene is EVERYTHING!

-“By now you must know that your father can never be turned from the Dark Side…so will it be with you”

-“Your faith in your friends is yours…” Faith is never a weakness, Palpatine!

-“Oh, I’m quite afraid the deflector shield will be quite operational when your friends arrive…”

-Lock S-foils in attack position.

-“IT’S A TRAP!!!!”

-Palpatine keep talking about destiny, but he doesn’t know everything now does he?

-Ewoks kicking serious Imperial butt!!

-Technology has nothing on those fur balls!!

-Way to get promoted, Wedge!

 

-Luke’s struggle is so real!

-Of course you could hot wire that thing, Han! It’s what you do!

-Dead Ewok. 😦

-His little friend is so sad.

-“I can feel your anger…” Ewww stop feeling his anger, Palpatine!

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-Don’t do it, Luke. Don’t give in!!

-That rope across the road gag shouldn’t have worked. But proves that sometimes keeping it simple really does work best.

-Nope, you don’t got it! You made the door stronger, Han.

-NO!!! DON’T LET THE HATE FLOW THROUGH YOU, LUKE!!! DON’T DO IT!

-And stop trying to kill your kid, Ani! Remember that happiest day of your life thing? Come back to that!

-You keep saying you won’t fight him, Luke. And then you go ahead and fight him anyways. Maybe what you mean is that you don’t want to fight him.

-Stop being mean, Anakin Skywalker!! And don’t threaten your daughter. What would Padme say if you hadn’t of strangled her to death??

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-Luke is so fierce in this scene. His fighting stance is so strong!!

-And now he’s repaid his father for that whole amputated hand thing.

-But the joke’s on  you, Luke. He lost that hand a long time ago.

-“You failed your highness. I am a Jedi! Like my father before me!!” The most epic of lines!!! Still not crying….

-Ya think Yoda could have passed on the knowledge of how to catch Force lightning. Seems like a better use of training. More useful that swamp running at this point in time.

-Vader’s finally hip to the Emperor’s game!

-Finish him Ani!

-Restore balance.

-Fulfill the prophecy!!!

-I’m not the one crying….it’s still you!!!!

-That beauty of the arc of Vader’s journey sacrificing himself for the son he thought he’d lost long ago…

-“Let me look on you with my own eyes.” (Or rather the CGI’s eyes of Hayden Christensen in the remastered version…yuck)

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-The flap of white on Luke’s clothing. Symbolizing the light inside the darkness. The hope!

-Luke looks so confident and grown up and very attractive when he gets in the shuttle and flies off the Death Star. He’s seen some shit. He’s had to grow up and he is so much better for it.

-VICTORY!!!

-“He wasn’t… I can feel it!”

-“He’s my brother.” Oh…your brother! Umm…Leia…YOU KISSED YOUR BROTHER???? Go wash that brother kissing mouth out with some soap!

-Vader’s funeral scene is gorgeous and haunting.

-Luke looks extra hot!

-Remastered version ending is the most disappointing thing in life. Though I do like how they show you the different planets celebrating the fall of the Empire.

-But the rest is the worst. So sad to see it changed from what I grew up with.

-No more Yub Yub!

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-And there’s Hayden… WHY???? Cause why wouldn’t you put a young Obi-Wan in there too… if you were gonna alter it.

-And if you were gonna alter it to create continuity between the prequels and the original trilogy, why wouldn’t you add in Qui-Gonn, the guy who taught them to commune with the Force in the after life?

-And also why would you need to create continuity between Star Wars and Star Wars????

-In short…no young Anakin, please!!!!

-And that’s how they end it. Disappointment. Now I need to original release to cleanse the palette!!

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In other news…TODAY IS THE DAY I SEE STAR WARS EPISODE VII: THE FORCE AWAKENS!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKK!!!

May the Force be with you, Nerds. Thanks for reading!!

 

Marvel’s Shipyard

Today I’m examining relationships in the MCU. Watching Agents of Shield last week led me to the realization that there are very few functioning or healthy relationships over at Marvel.
Maybe it’s the superhero business…there’s hardly time for love much less relationship counseling. Has to be hard to find time for romance when you’re trying to save lives and save the world.
Let’s see who stands a chance of making their ship sail… (and see how many ship analogies I can possibly come up with!!)

1. Tony Stark and Pepper Potts (aka #Pepperony)
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This is currently the strongest ship in the fleet. Tony and Pepper flirted in Iron Man, were together by the time Whiplash tried to take Tony out in IM2 and have survived not one but 3 other Marvel movies (Avengers, Iron Man 3 and Avengers: Age of Ultron.) It’s funny to think that the most narcissistic Avenger is the one in the healthiest relationship. Shows real growth! Good for you Tony (but we really mean Good for you, Pepper, cause we know who’s the Captain of this ship!)

2. Bobbi Morse and Lance Hunter (aka #Huntingbird)
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These two were on again/ off again all last season, but currently things seem to be on the rise for these two. Bobbi is back in the field and Hunter has let his vengeance against Ward for almost killing his ex-wife cool off a bit. It’s tough to find a happy ending in the line of duty, but these two are really making a go of it. Their chemistry is great and I can’t wait to see where this ship sails off to.

3. Hope Van Dyne and Scott Lang (aka #Scope)
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Coming in third place would have to be the newcomers to the Marvel Universe. From Marvel’s Ant Man, I present Scott Lang and Hope Van Dyne. This is a budding romance. So new that it hasn’t even made it through one full film yet. We’ll keep an eye on these two. But seeing as Hope already has title billing in the second Ant Man film aptly titled, Ant Man and the Wasp, chances are that come 2017, this ship will still be floating.

4. Daisy Johnson and Lincoln Campbell (aka #StaticQuake)
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This ship is still on it’s maiden voyage. Having just met last season and surviving some pretty heavy stuff, Lincoln went on the lamb. But he’s back and already making out with our girl, Quake. Definitely a ship to keep an eye on. (Although, am I alone in dreaming of Grant Ward secretly being on the side of good and eventually getting back together with Daisy/Quake/Skye? I’m willing to eventually give up on the dream…but not just yet. Come on #SkyeWard)

5. Thor Odinson and Jane Foster (aka #Fosterson)
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Talk about long distance relationships. These two don’t just have the pitfalls of a ‘normal’ couple, they have entire realms between them. They said goodbye at the end of the first Thor after a couple steamy kisses. Thor was far too busy fighting his brother in Avengers to visit his lady love. In Thor 2, the couple is reunited temporarily because of that pesky ether. But after returning Jane to Earth and heading back up to Aasgard, where he belongs (and returning for a quick, steamy kiss) they are parted again. While Thor does take time to brag on his girl in Avengers: Age of Ultron, I don’t see this ship surviving the long voyage. But hey, you never know. Long distance works for some people. Maybe Thor and Jane can make it.

6. Steve Rogers and Peggy Carter (aka #Steggy)
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Get out your tissues. We all know how this one ends. This ship never had the chance to get out of the dock. Luckily Peggy goes on to have a kick ass career as a spy and Rogers…well, we know that Marvel is pushing Peggy’s granddaughter, as a potential future ship. But for now, Steve has new Avengers to train and old Avengers to war against.

7. Bruce Banner and Natasha Romanoff (aka #Brutasha)
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This is one ship that has split the fanbase. In the comics both of these Avengers have very different love lives that don’t involve each other. Bruce was always destined for fellow scientist, Betty Ross (played by Liz Tyler in the Edward Norton film, The Incredible Hulk…but we won’t mention that one.) And Natasha had a couple ships in the comics including but not limited to Hawkeye, Daredevil and Captain America. So imagine everyone’s surprise when the MCU turns it all around and has Black Widow turning up the heat with Bruce in Avengers: Age of Ultron. A little flirting and a passionate kiss does not a solid ship build. But it gives us something to look out for in the future.

8. Jemma Simmons and Leo Fitz (aka #FitzSimmons)
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Grab those tissues again, cause so far this is a ship that could rival the Titanic. At the end of season 2, Fitz and Simmons were on the verge of exploring their feelings for each other. Then along came the Kree Monolith that held a portal to another realm where a dark, handsome stranger and his arms were waiting for Simmons to cling to. (Not cool, Marvel. Not cool!) Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is currently in season 3. So the jury is still out on this ship. But given the givens, a happy ending is a long way off for these two.

9. Melinda May and Andrew Garner (aka #Meldrew)
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Tissues…you may as well hang on to them. (Are you sensing a trend here?) After the events of season 2, the future looked bright for Andrew and May as they rode off into the sunset. But come season 3 and this couple is not living happily ever after either. Agent May is busy fighting bad guys and Andrew…well, he’s a little busy being a bad guy. I’m still keeping hope alive for these two.

10. Agent Colson and Rosalind Price (aka #Coulsalind)
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I don’t know if anyone was really on board with this one. But I never was. Coulson is very special to the Marvel Universe and he deserves a lady love who is equally special. Rosalind does not fit the bill. Plus…after last week’s episode it seems like she may not be on the side of good after all. It’s only a matter of time before this ship runs a ground. (Thank goodness.)

Which ships are you hoping will get a little work done in the MCU? Let me know in the comments below or connect with me on Twitter: @nerdinthecity

A Well Built Ship

I was watching an episode of Gilmore Girls (ok I watched 7) and I’ll admit, I had a momentary lapse. It was an episode from season 7, near the end of the show and Lorelai was married to Christopher.
I sent a hasty tweet that said:
“Ok, I l-l-love Luke and Lorelai,
but I coulda been very happy
with her and Christopher too.”

He’s always been a charming man, albeit a bit of a flake. And while I truly think he loved Lorelai and Rory, he just wasn’t good at that whole being a steady, stable family man thing. He was a hurricane. Plain and simple. And so is Lorelai, so in essence (and according to my theory) they could never have successfully and happily belonged together. Fast forward to season 7 and he is finally attempting the seeming impossible. Going house shopping, wooing the good townspeople of Star’s Hollow, playing dad to Rory and Gigi, but it never feels quite right…this domesticated version of Charming Christopher. And Lorelai isn’t happy…we know she isn’t.

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In stark contrast, you have Luke Danes. Steadfast townie. If there is a man in Star’s Hollow who understands commitment, it is Luke. He owns his own diner (in the building his father owned.) He kept his father’s boat. He commits to help Jess, his sister’s son. He even committed hard core to that blue baseball cap that Lorelai gave him in season 1. He never leaves. Never abandons his post. He’s there at the diner every morning to get the Gilmore Girls their beloved cups of coffee till the very last episode.
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*Print from LetsAllMakeBelieve Etsy shop

Is there trouble in paradise when Luke and Lorelai finally get together? You bet. It’s a good ship. And good ships are built to withstand the harsh conditions.
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*Photo from Nautical Wheeler
Luke is thrown when he discovers that he has a daughter who he knew nothing about. Sure, that’s gonna shock a guy. Like I said, Luke’s problem isn’t commitment. But a case could be made for his shortcomings in the area of communication. Years of unrequited feelings…yeah, communicating wasn’t his strong suit.

Yes, Luke and Lorelai could have had a healthy, happy, ride-into-the-sunset ship. We all would have been very ok with that. But Luke lies about April and cuts Lorelai out of decisions and Lorelai sleeps with Christopher and then marries him. They both makes huge, hurtful mistakes.
In the end, they are a stronger ship for the mistakes they make, for the struggles they face.

Now as I’ve said before (click here) I’ve watched a lot of TV. I should go ahead and capitalize that because I truly means A LOT. And I think I’m gonna go on record and say that Luke and Lorelai’s relationship is one of the very best in television history.
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They start as friends. Great friends. They are there for one another as relationship after relationship falls apart. And they get things wrong sometimes. It’s one of the most realistic television relationships of all time.

Don’t be fooled into thinking that the lesson here is “love conquers all.” It doesn’t always. Sometimes it can’t. But love reminds you of the good. Love forgives the wrongs and love fights like hell to survive no matter how much we try to kill it. (Just look at the divorce rate. And even the divorces of both Luke and Lorelai.)

I only hope that they are still experiencing those highs and lows together when the Gilmore Girls revival hits Netflix next year.
And I also hope that Rory finds or found someone who can live up to the father figure she had in Luke Danes.

What I Feel vs. What I Know

I’ve been reading Jamie Tworkowski’s, founder of To Write Love on Her Arms, book called If You Feel Too Much. And I’ve been taking my time with it. Every page I read, I feel like I need to savor it because there are gorgeous profound truths in the pages of this book. Things that Jamie went through that speak to my heart, especially as I go through this transition. And so it’s taking me months to read a book that would normally take days. But I don’t want to rush the words.
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And in one of the chapters Jamie pits What He Feels against What He Knows. So the title of this blog post is pilfered from his book. Borrowed, really. So, thank you Jamie! Thank you for your words. For the difficult things you experienced so God would give you the words that you are now giving to me.

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Here’s What I Feel versus What I Know at any given moment in any given day…

I feel sad. I know that it’s temporary.

I feel happy. I know that’s temporary too.

I feel like I’m bad at everything. I know that I’m not.

I feel like I don’t have a whole lot to offer this world. I know that I do.

I feel fat. I know that I’m not and that there are people who actually struggle with obesity or eating disorders and I am not one of those people. So I know that my insecurities stem from a place that is not worth validating.

I feel like I’m not enough. I know that I am just enough or else there would be a whole lot more of me to go around and there isn’t. So I must be enough.

I feel like I’ll never fall in love. Or worse…no one will ever be able to fall in love with me. I know that I am the only thing standing in the way of that happening.

I feel like God made a mistake when he mixed the ingredients that make up my brain and the very essence of who I am. I know that He didn’t, because God doesn’t make mistakes and for some beautiful, unknown reason He chose to make me.

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What we feel and what we know are constantly at war. We are not meant to move with the emotions that come and go. Ebbing and flowing like the tides on the shore. They are as inconstant as the wind. And in Florida, the only thing you can count on is that the wind is there, but never which way it will be blowing,

We are meant to move with the knowledge and discernment that only Christ can offer. Even when we don’t feel Him there…He is. Even when we don’t feel strong…we are. Even if we think we can’t carry on…we will.

If we allow what we feel to dictate our actions we will always be ruled by the flaky, unpredictable self. And God asks…no He demands more from us.

So I feel like I don’t know what’s coming next. But I know that if I’m listening, I won’t need to.
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I Pitch My Tent in the Valley

I had a revelation about dating. It’s not ground breaking information or anything. Just a thought about me. The person I know the most and spend the most time with. And maybe you’ve felt or feel like this and that is why we share. To find connection. To say, “Hey, you’re there right now? Me too.”
So…I don’t like dating. It’s no secret. And I recently went on a date with a really nice guy. He was socially well adjusted and he liked nerdy things and he loved Jesus. He was quite possibly a unicorn. But I wasn’t having any of it. I didn’t wanna go. And when he asked me out for a second date (something I’ve never been on with anyone) I dragged my feet about it. And turned into a whiner. I whined about it. “Do I have to go?” I asked my friends and family. The same friends and family who have heard me complain time and again that I don’t get asked out by decent guys and have heard me complain that I’ve never even been on a second date with anyone…ever.
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What was wrong with me? What have I been saying??? “Unicorn!” “Where are all the unicorns?” “If only I could find a unicorn then maybe my relationship stuff would be over.” But here was a unicorn sitting in front of me and I couldn’t be bothered.
It wasn’t adding up.

There’s an element that I have not shared with you beautiful nerds. I’ve kept it close. It was too private to share. But…here goes everything.
I accidentally fell in love somewhere in the 8 years I was living in New York. And yes…accidentally falling in love is as stupid as it sounds. And it doesn’t produce the happy outcome that you readers and viewers and family and friends so graciously hope for my life.

I’m only giving the highlights because of anonymity and because if he ever reads this (highly unlikely), he knows all he needs to about it and doesn’t need to know any more than what I’ve chosen to share. And because there is way more to it than this, but this is the important stuff.

The bullet points are as follows:
-He’s a boy
-I’m a girl
-We were friends
-Then we were roommates
-I moved out
-I missed him
-I started to feel more
-But knew it was not a possibility
-So I tried to get over it
-And failed miserably
-I told him I was in love with him
-But nothing happened
-Then I moved to Florida (not because of!! Important note.)

Now as I mentioned, this unicorn guy came along after the bullet points. And the bullet points, of course, have a lot to do with a lack of enthusiasm about the unicorn.

Here’s what it boils down to. I’m 32 now. I’m not getting any younger. But hey!! I am getting way…way better!!
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I’m about to be an aunt. And almost all my friends and family are married. It’s natural. It’s what happens. But maybe that’s not what “happens” to me.

See…dating comes with a price tag. The price is that there are a set of expectations in a dating situation that for a hurricane like me, are unavoidable and undesirable. Expectations like…do I like him? Would I kiss him? Do I want to have sex one day with him? Would I marry him? (I’m drastically over simplifying but you get it.) All the while society and well-meaning church folks ask the dreaded questions…”When will you be getting married?” “Should I set you up on a blind date since you’re still single?” “Don’t you want to be happy?”

So instead of turning to a unicorn who I know there is potential with, I turn to and fixate on the bullet points. Cause there is no future there. There is no expectation of more. And that is ok with me right now.

But “NO!” you say. You’re shaking your head that it isn’t better. I know what you mean and I know why you shake, but I currently disagree… because I’m not looking for ‘The One’ I’m looking for a friend. Friendship is what you hope to end up with at the end of a long married day. A friend. Who gets you and loves you and sure…wants to have some sexy time with ya. But who is ultimately…your FRIEND.

If the only expectation on a date was getting a friend out of it, maybe then it wouldn’t fill me with the crippling fear that it does now. I don’t let fear get in the way for me usually. But with this dating stuff, for some reason, I listen. I don’t want to worry about whether or not some guy is gonna hold my hand or try to kiss me and will I be too polite to tell him I’m not really feeling anything but friendship for him. And why has it become such a crime or an emotional wrecking ball to have that conversation.

I want amazing. I want exciting and I want it with some one who knows me the way the bullet points knew me. But who also loves me back.
And it’s a Catch 22 that won’t happen if I avoid dating. I know that, mom! (She’s pretty smart!) This blog has no answer. It has no solution.

But then again, this blog has never been about having it figured out. Or about teaching how life works. It’s always been about the journey and the figuring and the valley moments. Cause that’s where I find my tent pitched 89% of the time. I’ll let someone else write about the mountain top.
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Final Episode of My Series

Get ready, cause it’s the last episode of the series. The shelves have been cleared. The flowers have come down and my cab is on it’s way. A new chapter in my life is about to begin. New chapter, same Liz!!

Episode 40: FINALE

Starring:

Liz Tailor

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Thank you for watching!!