Nerd in Another City

Long have I considered Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back to be my favorite Star Wars movie. But this time around, I have to be  honest…Return of the Jedi really pulled out in front. That’s not to say that I don’t consider TESB to be the best of the Star Wars films, because I absolutely do. There’s no denying it’s merit. But there’s something about Jedi that I respond to more and more as I get older.

The hope of redemption for Anakin Skywalker. The path that Luke is set on after the death of his Father and the defeat of the Empire. It’s filled with victory. Empire sets it all up, but has a twinge of sadness and un-fulfillment. Jedi wraps it up with a giant Rebel colored bow on top.

No matter which Star Wars film is your favorite…if you love Star Wars, then you made the right choice! Without further ado here are my reactions to Episodes V + VI, respectively! Enjoy…

Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

-I don’t like snow. But if I had to be in the snow, I’d want to ride a Tauntaun!

-Leia is so not impressed, Han!

-See…they’re fighting again! That’s what it means to be meant to be, right?

 

-“I’d just as soon kiss a Wookie” …or my brother.

-Awww Han…you old softie!

-Wampa attack to explain Hamill’s facial scarring after his accident between 4 and 5.

-The full length shot of the Wampa in the special edition is a great addition.

-Is this Luke’s first time hearing from Ben after he heard his voice in the X-Wing??

-Learn to read the room, goldenrod!

-What exactly does the inside of a Tauntaun smell like? Do they make a scratch and sniff for that?

-Are Bacta tanks available for civilian use yet? They seem super handy!

-Laser brain…nerf herder…Leia has all the best zingers.

-Also…scruffy looking? Not an insult!

-DON’T KISS YOUR BROTHER, LEIA!! This isn’t Game of Thrones!

-Scruffy looking = HOT!

-These sweeping shots of the Star Destroyers in space are to die for.

-Piet is either super lucky or a major schemer.

-I bet Chewie gives the best hugs!

-Yep, Admiral Ouzel is gonna get it!

-Leia…BOSS since 1977!

-She just never stops being BOSS at everything in life!! Not in a garbage chute…not on an ice planet…not ever in a gold slave bikini! ALWAYS BOSS!

-“Right now I feel like I could take on the whole Empire myself…” – Dak Oh, Dak 😦

-AT-AT’s are mad cool,  but also really slow. I feel like they should be much easier to defeat. And also…I want one for a pet.

-I love Wedge! More Wedge please!

-Snow, Storm, Sand, Clone…Which is the trooper of your choosing?

-Han looooves her….he wants to date her….hug her and marry her!

-Han is quite possibly the perfect man. I feel very confident in saying that!

-Han hitting the Falcon and pulling a total Fonz!

-R2 and Luke together again! Together 4ever!

-Off to Dagobah!

-Dagobah’s not a system…he’s a man. No, wait! That’s not right.

-Han is so good, he knows the difference between a laser blast and as asteroid hitting his ship.

-Someone turn 3PO off already!

-You don’t know that it’s perfectly safe for droids, Luke.

-R2 is just so presh!

-R2 is by far the funniest one and we don’t even speak the same language. Probing that humor goes far beyond the spoken word.

-Never walk in on Vader while he’s in the middle of a soothing scalp massage.

-Captain Obvious = 3PO!

-Being held by Han would be quite enough to get me excited! (*smiley face emoji with sunglasses!)

-Come on now, Leia! Don’t tell me you didn’t feel a twinge!

-YODA!!!!

-Yoda is very mischievous in Empire. Maybe being a hermit has made him a little batty!

 

-“Wars not make one great!”

-Here comes the smooching!!!

-Scoundrels are hot…. #WhyImSingle

-C3PO is the biggest cock blocker in the galaxy!

-Wait…Vader mentions the name Skywalker long before this conversation with the Emperor. Isn’t that the big SON flag??

-Yoda is the MAN!! Er…the Muppet!

-If 9 years old was too old, then 20 is definitely too old to start the training and look how it went down for little Ani!

-Leia just sitting there contemplating Han smoochies. We know what she’s thinking about!!

-“I have a bad feeling about this.” -Leia

-Yep…verbal sparring is definitely a trait I look for in a man. Thanks for that Han and Leia. #WhyImSingle

-Ok…definitely gonna work on a #JediinTraining program complete with weighted Yoda backpack and swamp runs.

-Come on, Luke! You’re the one who came to Dagobah to learn from Yoda and then you don’t listen to his wisdom? You have too much of your father in you.

-I dream of Vader…

-I wonder what would have happened if Luke had taken nothing in there?

-Wah-wah-wah…. No hyperdrive for  you.

-Buh-Bye Admiral. I’m gonna quit learning their names cause…what’s the point. They’re just gonna end up strangled.

-“No!! Try not. Do or do not. There is no try!” BAM mic dropped!

-“Size matters not!”

-“Luminous beings are we. Not this crude matter.” I think we should all remember that one!

-Yoda is one Bad A Mother F!!

-Now…if Yoda hadn’t taken Luke’s ship out of the swamp then he wouldn’t have been able to leave Dagobah!

-“I don’t believe it.” “That is why you fail.” Major truth bombs being dropped on Dagobah!

-Now why wouldn’t Han be checking the scanner to make sure he wasn’t being followed by…oh, I don’t know…a bounty hunter?

-I like that Luke has a Force sensitivity to premonitions like his father before him. Unfortunately he’s also impulsive like his father.

-Think before reacting Luke!

-Lando is so dashing!

-That silver protocol droid is a bit of a B word! 3PO may be a lot of things, but he’s never rude!

-Luke!!! Listen to Yoda and Obi-Wan! This is why you came here to train.

-Luke and Anakin’s problems are that they won’t make the sacrifices that are sometimes needed for the greater good.

-Han tries to give Leia the puppy dog eyes, but she isn’t having it. They would definitely work on me. I’m highly susceptible to scoundrelly puppy dog eyes!!

-I love how Chewie tries to take such good care of 3PO!

-And yet 3PO is so ungrateful, it hurts!

-LOBOT! I love Lobot!

-BOBA!!!

-See what happens when you get in bed with the Empire, Lando. Shoulda really seen that one coming!

-When exactly did Leia fall for Han? What is the exact moment when she realized it?

-Nowadays if a man ever responded with “I know” he would get slapped in the face. But Han makes it look hot. Is there anything he can’t do?

-Luke, be careful Luke! It’s really a trap Luke!!!

-Lando’s redemption!

-Leia is having none of it. She’s all “Naw!! You aren’t getting away with that shit, Lando. Chewie! Go ahead and strangle!”

-Seriously,,, 3Po comes with an off switch. They need to use that far more often!

-Father/Son smack talk!

-Anakin!! Come back to the light side. Help your son become a man!!

-Luke getting pummeled in the Cloud City supply closet.

-Stop being belligerent to Chewie, 3PO! You thoughtless droid!

-Here it comes….the BOMBSHELL!

-This first battle between Luke and Vader is bangarang.

-“If only you knew the power of the Dark Side…”

-“No…I am your father!” “Dat’s not twue…Dat’s impossible!”

-“Come with me, it is the only way!” Or…or I’ll just fall down this giant chute and take my chances!

-As many limbs as Vader’s lost, you’d think he’d be a little more sensitive to sitting off his kid’s arm.

-Ok, on the bright side to falling down that chute and landing on flimsy weather vanes…there’s a beautiful sunset to watch. Front row seat!

-The things Leia has to put up with! MEN!

-R2 to the rescue…as usual!

-“Son, come with me.” “Sure dad! Definitely gonna do that after the whole you-cut-off-my-hand thing. Let’s do this!”

-Everyone is always having those delusions of grandeur.

-Back to Tatooine…the sand trap of the entire galaxy!!

-Look…Lando’s not only driving Han’s ship, he’s also wearing Han’s clothes. Must come with the pilot seat.

-Leia, girl! Don’t fall for that old stare-out-at-the-galaxy-with-my-arm-around-you move. He’s still your brother!!

 

Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

-The Death Star looks much more menacing and scary when
it’s half done like that. It’s like the zombie version of that Death Star.

-Oh snap! You do not want to cross Vader. Don’t make him find new ways to motivate you!

-And we know just how forgiving YOU are, Vader!

-And…we’re back to Tatooine. Seriously! THIS PLANET!

-As many languages as 3PO speaks…body language is not one of them.

-Neither is sarcasm.

-Neither is context!

-Bib Fortuna. I know all of his lines. He delivers them so well! “Tay wanna wanga.”

-3PO has a bad feeling!

-Luke has grown up so much. And is a straight up hottie now!

-Poor Han!

-“Yes or no will do!” This droid don’t play!

-I love how feisty R2 is!

-Oh no…the remastered version!! YUCK

-At least 6 Boobs is still there. I know…I know. She has a name and a backstory and everything. But I’ve always affectionately known her as 6 Boobs!

-Aren’t you a little short for a bounty hunter?

-Definitely think I could speak Huttese if I really needed to!

-Can you pull your mask down any more conspicuously, Lando?

-Love will not be stopped by bounty hunters or death marks or carbonate.

-“Someone who loves you!”

-Pudu is definitely not always used only in the context of saying “Fodder.” Very subtle way of adding in some space cursing!

-Han and Chewie reunited!

-GOLD BIKINI.

-Funny that in A New Hope there were no bras in space, but in Return of the Jedi all she gets is a bra.

-See 3PO, if you weren’t so annoying all the time then people would listen when you had something important to say!

-TV Jedi! TV Jedi!!!

-Luke has become completely BOSS! Like his sister before him.

-Poor little Rancor. He thought he was getting his 5 o’clock dinner. He didn’t know that dinner would fight back!

-And the poor Rancor’s owner. His poor little pet who he’d raised from a Rancorling.

-“How we doing? ” “Same as always.” “That bad, huh?”

-“I hate long waits.” Ummm….Han???

-“I used to live here, you know.”  Yeah…so did everyone else in the galaxy!

-Eewwwww…. Jabba tongue. 😦

-The Sarlaac looks so stupid in the remastered version. Leave perfection alone, George!

-Luke is a complete bad ass now!! When he catches the lightsaber in mid air…it is on like Donkey Kong!

-Wilhelm scream!!

-Boba Fett…Boba Fett!!

-Get it Leia…kill that Hutt!!!

-Lando’s screen when the Sarlaac grabs his leg!!

-And 3PO has to be put together…again.

-That rope is tied to the exact perfect spot so that Luke and Leia can easily swing to safety.

-Back to Dagobah. And R2 says…not there again!

-Oh snap! The Emperor is here.

-Emperor Palpatine has that maniacal laughter thing down!

-“Master Yoda…you can’t die!”

-“Strong am I with the Force, but not that strong.”

-If Luke always had to confront Vader, then Obi and Yoda handled the whole thing rather poorly.

-You know, I never thought for a second that Vader could have been lying to Luke. Did anyone ever think that was a possibility?

-Also…Vader never seems super surprised that his kid is alive. Or that he actually has two alive kids. He wouldn’t have been very good on Maury.

-“Pass on what you have learned.”

-“There is another Skywalker!”

-Well Ben, maybe if you’d been preparing Luke for this eventuality!

-“Leia…Leia’s my sister.” And incidentally the only girl you’ve ever met. So…yep!

-Those poor Bothans. Can we hear more about the Bothans? “Many Bothans died” Is the heaviest line!

-And what exactly were the Bothans to Mon Mothma?? Boyfriend? Husband? Girlfriend? Kid?

-“Ask me again sometime”

-The gang’s back together!!

-Looks like Lando finally gave Han his clothes back.

-Fly casual!

-“Hey…it’s me!”

-How does Luke know how to work that speeder bike that he’s never been on before?

-3PO is actually wearing a gold bikini himself. Go back and look again!

-Wicket Warrick!! Raise your hand if you like Ewoks. I like Ewoks!! Don’t care what anyone says about it!

-I HATE how much Vader has become Palpatine’s bitch. Palpatine scolds him and just tells him what to do all the time.

-2 seconds ago he hadn’t felt it, now he’s foreseen it all?? That hardly seems plausible, Emperor.

-No one ever listens to 3PO! “Very long drop…”

-Of all the people in that forest to worship and they pick 3PO.

-I’d live up in the Ewok village! Or at least vacation up there. Looks like a fun ropes course experience.

-Leia finally gets to let her hair down. Imagine the braid headache she must have from 3 whole movies.

-R2 and Wicket are the cutest of friends.

-Now 3PO is a good story teller. I love his character arc there.

-“We are now part of the tribe!”

-When that Ewok hugs Han!!!

-“Short help is better than no help at all, Chewie.”

“Do you remember your mother? Your real mother?”

-“Very beautiful, kind, but sad…” Sure, that whole dying thing was super upsetting to her!

-“Your father” (she says with utter disdain) Just wait before you say that Leia!

-That’s quite a bomb to drop on her, Luke.

-Dude, Han! She just found out an evil Lord of the Sith is her father and that she kissed her own brother. Maybe she needs a minute…

-“Hold me…” Like you did by the lake on Naboo. Oh wait…no. But like mother like daughter apparently.

-I love this exchange between Luke and Vader in the corridor. I think it’s my favorite scene.

-“It is the name of your true self, you’ve only forgotten.” FEELS!!

-“I feel the conflict within you, let go of your hate.” MORE FEELS!!

-“Then my father is truly dead.” I’m not crying…you’re crying!!!

-“Abu? Nagu tak tak?”

-See how useful the Ewoks can be!

-“Not bad for a little fur ball!”

-The Throne Room scene is EVERYTHING!

-“By now you must know that your father can never be turned from the Dark Side…so will it be with you”

-“Your faith in your friends is yours…” Faith is never a weakness, Palpatine!

-“Oh, I’m quite afraid the deflector shield will be quite operational when your friends arrive…”

-Lock S-foils in attack position.

-“IT’S A TRAP!!!!”

-Palpatine keep talking about destiny, but he doesn’t know everything now does he?

-Ewoks kicking serious Imperial butt!!

-Technology has nothing on those fur balls!!

-Way to get promoted, Wedge!

 

-Luke’s struggle is so real!

-Of course you could hot wire that thing, Han! It’s what you do!

-Dead Ewok. 😦

-His little friend is so sad.

-“I can feel your anger…” Ewww stop feeling his anger, Palpatine!

-Don’t do it, Luke. Don’t give in!!

-That rope across the road gag shouldn’t have worked. But proves that sometimes keeping it simple really does work best.

-Nope, you don’t got it! You made the door stronger, Han.

-NO!!! DON’T LET THE HATE FLOW THROUGH YOU, LUKE!!! DON’T DO IT!

-And stop trying to kill your kid, Ani! Remember that happiest day of your life thing? Come back to that!

-You keep saying you won’t fight him, Luke. And then you go ahead and fight him anyways. Maybe what you mean is that you don’t want to fight him.

-Stop being mean, Anakin Skywalker!! And don’t threaten your daughter. What would Padme say if you hadn’t of strangled her to death??

-Luke is so fierce in this scene. His fighting stance is so strong!!

-And now he’s repaid his father for that whole amputated hand thing.

-But the joke’s on  you, Luke. He lost that hand a long time ago.

-“You failed your highness. I am a Jedi! Like my father before me!!” The most epic of lines!!! Still not crying….

-Ya think Yoda could have passed on the knowledge of how to catch Force lightning. Seems like a better use of training. More useful that swamp running at this point in time.

-Vader’s finally hip to the Emperor’s game!

-Finish him Ani!

-Restore balance.

-Fulfill the prophecy!!!

-I’m not the one crying….it’s still you!!!!

-That beauty of the arc of Vader’s journey sacrificing himself for the son he thought he’d lost long ago…

-“Let me look on you with my own eyes.” (Or rather the CGI’s eyes of Hayden Christensen in the remastered version…yuck)

-The flap of white on Luke’s clothing. Symbolizing the light inside the darkness. The hope!

-Luke looks so confident and grown up and very attractive when he gets in the shuttle and flies off the Death Star. He’s seen some shit. He’s had to grow up and he is so much better for it.

-VICTORY!!!

-“He wasn’t… I can feel it!”

-“He’s my brother.” Oh…your brother! Umm…Leia…YOU KISSED YOUR BROTHER???? Go wash that brother kissing mouth out with some soap!

-Vader’s funeral scene is gorgeous and haunting.

-Luke looks extra hot!

-Remastered version ending is the most disappointing thing in life. Though I do like how they show you the different planets celebrating the fall of the Empire.

-But the rest is the worst. So sad to see it changed from what I grew up with.

-No more Yub Yub!

-And there’s Hayden… WHY???? Cause why wouldn’t you put a young Obi-Wan in there too… if you were gonna alter it.

-And if you were gonna alter it to create continuity between the prequels and the original trilogy, why wouldn’t you add in Qui-Gonn, the guy who taught them to commune with the Force in the after life?

-And also why would you need to create continuity between Star Wars and Star Wars????

-In short…no young Anakin, please!!!!

-And that’s how they end it. Disappointment. Now I need to original release to cleanse the palette!!

In other news…TODAY IS THE DAY I SEE STAR WARS EPISODE VII: THE FORCE AWAKENS!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKK!!!

May the Force be with you, Nerds. Thanks for reading!!