Brand New Episode

Previously on So…This Happened…

And now…

Episode 37: Church Search

Starring:

Liz Tailor, Chris Blessitt and David Harrell

Ethical Closet:

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Check back every Tuesday for brand new episodes!!

I Don’t Believe In That Anymore

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Back when I was 15 and a wide-eyed, romantic high school kid, I believed whole-heartedly in ‘The One.’ I believed there was One predestined,  preordained (I won’t say perfect, but pretty darn close) person God had picked out for me. And it was just a matter of time till he found me or I found him. Our paths would one day cross (ideally by the age of 22), he’d be captured by that thing that seems to capture men’s attention in the movies and we would be married and well on our way to ‘happily ever after.’
Cause that’s how it works right?

Well, 22 came and The One never did. 25 came and I was still single. 30 came and I thought something must have been wrong. Isn’t ‘he’ supposed to have found me by now? What was taking so long? Was I really that hard to find?

Then, one day, my pastor preached a sermon on love and The One at church. He said that there is no such thing as The One. This is not a concept created by God. He’s not up there weaving his magical tapestry of our lives and preordaining every single thing we do, including who we do or do not marry. Yes, He knows what our choice will be and I think to some people that seems to mean the choice isn’t there to begin with, if He knows the outcome. But I don’t believe that. He created so many different people for us to meet and connect with and love. It’s the choice that makes the difference. It’s the choice that makes us free. And it’s the choice to choose to love someone that makes falling in love so much better than just accidentally letting it happen and having no say in the matter.  (Check out the sermon series here: Journey NYC)

Besides, if there was only One person out there for me to end up with… what if he got bored and married someone else? What if he had a tragic accident leaving him unable to come and find me? What if he died prematurely, never allowing us to meet at all? Would that be it for me? Would that be the end of the romantic story of my life?

Can you imagine… you spend your life waiting and one day you die and you get to Heaven and ask God,

“What happened, God? I thought you wanted me to get married and have kids, but my One never came around. Did I do something wrong?”

And God says, “Totally had someone for you, but he fell onto the train tracks one day and died before he met you. Sorry about that. Nothing I could do, my hands were tied. But he would have been perfect for ya! I promise.”

By limiting ourselves to one person in a sea of billions, we limit the possibilities for our lives. We limit God’s imagination for us. And we limit ourselves to some unattainable fairytale.

I am an optimist. I am a romantic. I believe in love. I just don’t believe in love at first sight or destiny. I think it’s hard work to love someone. I think it will be hard work for someone to love me. I think that it’s a choice and I just haven’t chosen to take that step with anyone I have met so far. Rather than waiting for someone to see that magical thing in me that inspires love and devotion, I’m waiting to see it in someone. It takes two to tango and I won’t wait around to be chosen. I get to do the choosing! And that is an encouraging thought. God has placed the ball entirely in my court. It’s up to me to make the move.


Check out this week’s episode of my web series for more on The One!! 

It’s That Time Again…

Today is Ash Wednesday. Which mean the beginning of the Lenten season. For the past 2 years, I have given up the hardest thing for me to give up… Television. And I see no reason to stop this year. When I’ve given up TV in the past, I have found myself more focused, more motivated, more productive. Not only in my regular daily life, but in my spiritual life as well (which.. of course.. is the whole point!) Giving up something you love for someone you love is a bit of a no brainer. And that’s what Lent is for me. Giving up TV for the one who gave his life for mine? Ask me for something hard, why don’t ya.

It may not be particularly hard, but it won’t be a cake walk by any means. Especially when TV is so good these days. Here are 10 reasons that I will miss TV for the next 40 days…

#1 – Downton Abbey

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Oh Lady Grantham, I will miss you and your snappy one liners!

#2 – Arrow

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Umm…I forgot what I was talking about!

#3 – Flash

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Check out last Friday’s post (click here) about couples that I am shipping these days. #SnowBarry is definitely in there!

#4 – The Walking Dead

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This one is pretty self explanatory! Daryl must live! There is no other option for him!

#5 – Agent Carter

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This lady is kicking ass and taking names. She also got picked up for a second season, which is excellent news!!

#6 – Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

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Shield has actually been on hiatus since the winter finale (which was a doozy.) But it is returning on March 3rd, which means I will miss out on the mid-season premier and will have to catch up on it first thing after Easter!!

#7 – Revenge

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If I believed in guilty pleasures, then I would definitely consider this one of them.

#8 – The Mindy Project

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Week to week this show has been getting more and more adorable. And with the big Mindy/ Danny baby news, it promises to be even more interested in the days to come.

#9 – Hart of Dixie

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Oh no… I forgot what I was talking about again!! Wonder why…

#10 – Netflix

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Aside from the regularly scheduled program of day to day TV watching, there are the many treasure troves available on Netflix. Re-watching Arrested Development. Starting a new show like House of Cards. Watching movies whenever I want to. All that is going to have to wait till after the celebration of the resurrection of Christ Jesus, Lord and Savior… otherwise knows as Easter, of course!

Until Easter hits, I’m going to be very careful where I look. Spoilers are everywhere.

Men! Listen up.

So Monday I shared a few steps that women can take to put themselves in the path of a hottie at church.

The truth of the matter is that, for the majority of us, that’s all we’ll ever do. Put ourselves in your path. 21st century be darned. Men need to step up. And Christian men especially!

So here you go:

Step #1: Attendance.
If there is a potluck, movie night, single’s picnic or what have you, chances are very good that the ladies will be there. The sad fact (for us women) is that at most churches, the women out number the men. In a major way. At my church it’s something like 5/1. And break that down into single’s terms and that ratio broadens. So start attending, for Pete’s sake! We are.

Step #2: Be Engaged.
Ok… not like the ‘will you be my wife’ engaged. What I mean is that women like men who are involved and interested. Taking notes, volunteering, serving, etc. Again, this is what all of us are doing. So give it a try. Because coming to the service, falling asleep and then dashing out before ‘amen’ is oh-so-not attractive!

Step #3: Enlist help.
Chances are, in your church, there are one or two married women who fancy themselves matchmakers. Meet these women and let them know you’re looking. Trust me. If you tell them you’re looking… you won’t be single for long. Plus those women know us and are already on the lookout. Make it easy on everyone involved!!

How to…

Catch a church boy.

Yesterday  I was talking with a few single ladies at the church I attend, Journey Church in midtown Manhattan.
And I was explaining my guidelines for catching a man. Now I must add a disclaimer, I have never tried them out myself. But I kinda think the logic behind the list is pretty sound and can work at any church in the world, if applied appropriately.

Step #1: Enlist the clergy.
No one quite has access to the masses like the pastors, preachers, priests and teachers at a church. It’s in their job description to know people. So if you see a mysterious hottie at church and wanna know more… get that pastor involved. I’m not promising results, but you will have a better chance of at least getting a name.

Step #2: Always wear proper footwear.
Listen. You never know when you’re gonna need to make a mad dash to the elevator or to the receiving line so that you can make yourself known or invite the guy to Sunday School or Fellowship time or your Growth Group. Don’t ruin your chances by wearing 5″ heels. Go with a nice comfy flat. You will be able to move much quicker and safer. Because the last thing you want to do is twist your ankle in the pursuit of a possible Mr. Right!

And Step 3: Bring a snack.
There’s no long drawn out explanation for why this is a good idea. It just makes sense. If the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, well then a well placed granola bar could be a life saver. 😉 just sayin’.

So there you have it. The mini list. There are many more steps but I don’t want to overwhelm you. If this doesn’t work…then it’s on to steps 4-15.
And for any single men out there… there is an entirely different list for you. So just ignore this. Though the snack thing always makes sense!
Happy hunting!

Ok, So Where Then?

After my post about the douchey married guy, my grandmother sent me a message expressing concern for me and encouraging me not to go to bars to meet guys.

Let me assure you… I do not go to bars expecting to meet Mr. Right. I don’t even expect to meet Mr. Nice. But you never know.

Which led me to comtemplate… where is a 21st-century city girl supposed to meet a nice, nornal, attractive, available, straight man?

When my grandmother was a young woman in the mid 20th century it was easier. The world was smaller. You met a man at school or church or down the street.

I’m no longer in school so that isn’t an option. Church would be ideal but 5 years at The Journey Church and still nothing to write home about except for some exceptional men who are already married. The down-the-street idea is romantic but literally doesn’t exist in NYC. Knowing a neighbor is rare enough. For that neighbor to be a tall, attractive, single male… well, it’s just not likely.

Which leaves the online dating option. Been there, tried that and the guys online can be just as douchey as the guys in the bars except without the excuse of alcohol.

The gym breeds obsessive hard bodies. And as interested as I am in being healthy and staying relatively fit, I could not be considered a health nut or particularly hard of body. So once again… dead end.

Add to all that the fact that the first date is a non-entity thanks to social media: facebook, twitter and dating profiles, and it becomes nearly impossible to meet a nice, normal man to believe in and date.

And don’t forget that I’m a nerdy girl. So to find that socially adjusted, , brave, nerdy man is even harder. (There’s a whole separate list of where to meet those men to come.)

I’m constantly on the lookout but not the pursuit. I kind of think that when the time is right that Mr. Right will somehow sense it and come running.
Until then I choose to enjoy life and the crazy stupid circumstances I so often find myself in. I can’t say it hasn’t been entertaining.

And if I ever figure out exactly where all those good men are hiding in NYC, then ladies… I will let you know!