On the Subject of…

NO Dating blog post single girl blogger

Dating!

To say that I’ve put a moratorium on dating, would be a bit of an understatement. I’ve downright boycotted the concept, the institution, the application, the very existence of dating in my life.

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I’m not talking about the sweet, meet cute kind you find in rom coms. You know the kind…

“Oops, I spilled my coffee on you in line at Starbucks…let me make it up to you by taking you to dinner, where we will promptly begin falling in love.”

“Sure, while playing football on the beach with my buddies, I accidentally threw the pass that hit you square in the head, but allow me to share a beer with you as recompense and while we’re at it, wanna fall in love?”

Or one of my favorites…”I know I kidnapped your father and forced you to take his place, but I am a tortured soul who is desperate to make it up to you. So allow my ginormous library and surprisingly killer dance skills woo your heart and let’s live happily ever after.”

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Ok, that last one is a bit extreme, and I’m not suggesting men go around kidnapping fathers to meet cute girls. I’m just saying, the art of the meet cute is dying/ might already be dead.

The kind of dating I have been actively avoiding lately is the more sterilized, online variety. The kind of dating that requires you to take up the art of profile translation and possibly martial arts if you hope to survive. The kind that makes you question whether it’s worth the effort at all. If you have the time to scour profiles, decipher messages, schedule meet-ups and fend off unwanted suitors, then online dating is exactly what you’re looking for. And better you than me, because I’m just not made to date that way. Not for lack of trying…Match.com dating blog postBumble dating app nerd bloggerTinder dating app blog posteharmony dating blog postCoffee Meets Bagel dating app blog postZoosk dating app blog postChristian Mingle.com dating blog postSee that insane list up there…I’ve tried them all. Some more than once. Now, I’ve never tried Farmers Only. Maybe that’s where I’ve gone wrong. Perhaps Mr. Cowboy is just waiting for me to don my Stetson and give it a go. But I kinda think…nuh-uh!

It’s no wonder why people don’t meet the cute way anymore. We’re all too busy interacting online, which is what made online dating boom the way it did in the first place. I’m not saying it doesn’t make sense, I’m just saying…I HATE IT!

Look…I want to have my cake and eat it too. I’m online as much as, if not more than, most people. I have instapeople and tweeple and whatever we’re calling people on Snapchat (sneeple…snapple) to interact with and I love doing that. But when it comes to dating, the joy I find in online interaction instantly dies. I wish there was an app that matched you based on a few key, unbreakable standards and then set up a way for you to meet your match…the cute way! Maybe it wouldn’t work the way my brain thinks it might.

I just know that I met this cute pilot at the airport last week. We were both in line for tea and he was in a hurry, so I let him go ahead of me. It sparked a conversation…a real one. And if he wasn’t bound for Santa Domingo and wasn’t…oh yeah…married, it might have been a “meet adorable!!” Weirdly, that tiny interaction gave me hope that there are unmarried, tea drinking pilots and such out there ripe for an adorable interaction with adorable me.

This is a 180 from the down on love Lizzie that you’re been encountering lately, I know. But I’m really trying to lock down the things I believe in and I do believe in love, despite plenty of evidence to the contrary. I’m trying to find the best way to live by the things I believe in. So love…it’s back on the table. But I won’t do it the way other people do it. I’ve gotta find my own way and I’m still working on what that even means. In the meantime,  stick around and see what happens. At the least, it could make for another web series and wouldn’t that be fun!

Bonus: I saw this online and I just have to say, if a man ever attempted this with me, I’d be tempted to marry him right on the spot…just putting that out in the universe!

Dating book store advice nerd blogger
Image found on Pinterest

 

30 Days of Nerdy Hair – Day 4

Day 4: Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City

With only weeks left in New York City (24 days to be exact) I thought I’d pick someone who most represents NYC in my mind. Carrie Bradshaw herself!

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My hair may be naturally curly, but I have to roll it in tight knots the night before to get Bradshaw level curls.

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My hair couldn’t help but wonder…”When will waiting for the one be done?

My Beauty Is Fleeting, My Worth Everlasting

I rarely look in the mirror and think… “I am beautiful.”

I look in the mirror and think “I have something on my face.” “I neeeeed to lost 15 pounds immediately.” “Maybe I should just wear a bag today, nothing else seems to be working.” But beautiful? It’s a rare occasion when I think that of myself.

And yet friends, family, strange men on the street are constantly throwing this positive affirmation my way. And I keep wondering, if they are in fact talking to me.

What a sad culture we live in. What a sad culture to grow up in. A culture that constantly bombards you with images that shake your self worth. Skinny is not only the new pretty, it’s the only pretty. Blonde is better than brown. Never leave the house without lipstick on. Being better goes hand in hand with being prettier.

I am 32. I am single and I let my mind wander to the dark place. The place that tells me that I am single because I am not pretty enough to be married. Not desirable enough to be wanted. Not worthy enough of love.

What a load of… well, you know!

My God has created someone far better than I allow myself to be. He has created a woman worthy of thinking herself beautiful. A woman worthy of praise and devotion. A woman worthy of love.

Women, we are made for more! (Men, you are too, but I’m focused on my ladies right now!) Do you feel that sometimes? Does that ever enter your mind? It’s constantly on mine. I have to tell you what you already know. Your beauty has nothing to do with your worth!!!

Beauty will fade. It will shrivel. It will disappear. And it is meaningless. Truly and utterly meaningless.

That being said I guarantee that tomorrow morning I will probably still get up, do my hair, put on my makeup, look in the mirror and wonder. But tomorrow morning I will know that it doesn’t matter quite so much. That God has more for me in this world than what shade of lipstick I wear or what size jeans I buy. And tomorrow morning that will be enough for me! Make it enough for yourself!

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Don’t miss this week’s episode of So…This Happened: Click Here

Brand New Episode

Episode 31: Bouquet Dodger

Starring:

Liz Tailor

Sponsored by:

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(Click here for more information on our sponsor: Licensure Exams)

For more information on the companies we partner with and what they stand for CLICK HERE, and for more on the fashions and where to get them CLICK HERE.

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Check back every Tuesday for brand new episodes!!

Brand New Episode

Episode 27: Push-Ups in a bar

Starring:

Liz Tailor

Ethical Closet (Click the links below):

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Sponsored by:

Corporate Logo

(Click here for more information on our sponsor: Licensure Exams)

For more information on the companies we partner with and what they stand for CLICK HERE, and for more on the fashions and where to get them CLICK HERE.

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Check back every Tuesday for brand new episodes!!

Often a Bridesmaid… not yet a Bride

So…I’ve been a bridesmaid a couple of times. And by a couple, I mean a lot. And by a lot, I mean 14. I have been a bridesmaid for 14 different brides and grooms. I’ve worn a lot of dresses and none have been white and poufy.

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Photo by: Footstone Photography
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Photo by: Vanessa Joy Photography
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Photo by: Jenna Michele Photography

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Yes, the words “Always a bridesmaid, never a bride” come to mind. But do you know where that phrase comes from? Check it out:

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So it was Listerine who decided that a woman’s worth was based on her hygiene and her appearance and her ability to catch a husband. Sure, it was 1924 and women weren’t quite liberated from the stereotypes yet (are we now?) But advertising tactics like this definitely didn’t help things move in the right direction.

And inevitably when I tell people I’ve been a bridesmaid 14 times, they almost always say this phrase to me. And I really hate it. It’s basically the worst. Being a bridesmaid has nothing to do with romantic relationships and whether or not you can find someone to marry and everything to do with great friendships and finding people who care about you! Being a bridesmaid really means that you are someone’s friend. A friend who they want to share their big moments with. A friend they want to stand with them on a big day like that.

I’ve decided we need to change the phrase. Out with the old and in with the new!! Spread the word. Tell your friends. The new phrase is “Often a bridesmaid, not yet a bride!” Say it with pride. Say it with confidence. And know that if you are a perpetual bridesmaid, like me, then it’s only because you are wanted and you are loved and you are someone’s friend. And that is a wonderful thing.

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I Don’t Believe In That Anymore

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Back when I was 15 and a wide-eyed, romantic high school kid, I believed whole-heartedly in ‘The One.’ I believed there was One predestined,  preordained (I won’t say perfect, but pretty darn close) person God had picked out for me. And it was just a matter of time till he found me or I found him. Our paths would one day cross (ideally by the age of 22), he’d be captured by that thing that seems to capture men’s attention in the movies and we would be married and well on our way to ‘happily ever after.’
Cause that’s how it works right?

Well, 22 came and The One never did. 25 came and I was still single. 30 came and I thought something must have been wrong. Isn’t ‘he’ supposed to have found me by now? What was taking so long? Was I really that hard to find?

Then, one day, my pastor preached a sermon on love and The One at church. He said that there is no such thing as The One. This is not a concept created by God. He’s not up there weaving his magical tapestry of our lives and preordaining every single thing we do, including who we do or do not marry. Yes, He knows what our choice will be and I think to some people that seems to mean the choice isn’t there to begin with, if He knows the outcome. But I don’t believe that. He created so many different people for us to meet and connect with and love. It’s the choice that makes the difference. It’s the choice that makes us free. And it’s the choice to choose to love someone that makes falling in love so much better than just accidentally letting it happen and having no say in the matter.  (Check out the sermon series here: Journey NYC)

Besides, if there was only One person out there for me to end up with… what if he got bored and married someone else? What if he had a tragic accident leaving him unable to come and find me? What if he died prematurely, never allowing us to meet at all? Would that be it for me? Would that be the end of the romantic story of my life?

Can you imagine… you spend your life waiting and one day you die and you get to Heaven and ask God,

“What happened, God? I thought you wanted me to get married and have kids, but my One never came around. Did I do something wrong?”

And God says, “Totally had someone for you, but he fell onto the train tracks one day and died before he met you. Sorry about that. Nothing I could do, my hands were tied. But he would have been perfect for ya! I promise.”

By limiting ourselves to one person in a sea of billions, we limit the possibilities for our lives. We limit God’s imagination for us. And we limit ourselves to some unattainable fairytale.

I am an optimist. I am a romantic. I believe in love. I just don’t believe in love at first sight or destiny. I think it’s hard work to love someone. I think it will be hard work for someone to love me. I think that it’s a choice and I just haven’t chosen to take that step with anyone I have met so far. Rather than waiting for someone to see that magical thing in me that inspires love and devotion, I’m waiting to see it in someone. It takes two to tango and I won’t wait around to be chosen. I get to do the choosing! And that is an encouraging thought. God has placed the ball entirely in my court. It’s up to me to make the move.


Check out this week’s episode of my web series for more on The One!! 

I Know the Good Stuff

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I have been on exactly one real Valentine’s date in my entire life. I’ve been on plenty of V-Day dates with my girlfriends where we sit around and talk about how awesome we are all and how being single on Valentine’s Day isn’t all that bad. And I’ve spent plenty of Valentine’s Days watching action films instead of rom-coms to ignore the holiday altogether. I’ve even wallowed in the romance of Valentine’s Day and had marathons of every Jane Austen film ever made. I’ve done it all. And this Valentine’s Day, I will be celebrating Galentine’s Day with my executive producer and all around great friend. We will be doing a Rom-Com walking tour of New York City… so stay tuned for that.

But what I’m talking about here is that one and only Valentine’s Day date. It was with a friend, so I do call it a date, but only in the strictest sense of the word. Meaning that he asked me to get dressed up and to go out with him on said day and he paid for dinner. That made it a date and nothing else. We were not interested in each other in THAT way. But it was probably the second best date I’ve ever been on and the most fun I’ve ever had on Valentine’s Day. There’s a very good reason for that. We were friends (still are.) And there’s something safe and comfortable in friendship that I have not found on any of these dates I go on. We ate Italian and he threatened to fake propose to me to give the couples a little show and we spent the whole night laughing and making fun of all the weird couples around us doing weird couple things. (This one guy kept his hand, palm up, on the table the entire night while his girlfriend periodically held said hand. It was strange!) And incidentally, that night makes the all time favorites list.

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See, when it comes right down to it. I don’t know how to date. I’m pretty sure I’m doing it wrong! The small talk, the dating etiquette, how long to wait till texting after a first date, when to reach for the check… I know nothing about it. And all it does is depress the hell out of me. People always tell you, it’s a normal part of the process, it’s what you have to do to get to the good stuff. People tell you a lot about love when they’re in it and you’re not.

But I know what the good stuff is. Let me tell you about the good stuff. I’m gooood at the good stuff. I’m good at being a friend and wanting to be around someone. I’m good at baking cookies and laughing till my sides hurt. I’m good at remembering occasions and caring about someone. I’m good at Netflix binge-watching and being silly. I’m good at playing and loving and just being there for someone. That’s the good part. The part people suffer through small talk to get to.

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Of course, it’s easy to be good at something when there is no threat of the hard stuff. That’s probably why I’m good at all of that. It’s easy with friends. Lack of expectations. Lack of romance. The romance is the messy part. The hard part.

But no one tells you that. They tell you things like “you’ll know it when you feel it” or “you’ll find it when you least expect it.” What does that even mean? How can I find something that I don’t even know how to look for? And what is it magic or something? It just comes upon you and your sixth sense just knows it’s happening. Sounds like a lot hocus pocus to me!

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Listen, I hate having butterflies in my stomach and I hate dating. I like being comfortable with someone. I want to be sure of someone, of something. And all dating does is lead to massive uncertainty. To wondering if the other person likes you as much as you like them. To wondering what exactly about that text you sent made them never text you back. This is why people get this part out of the way in high school, because by the time you reach your 30’s, it’s just ridiculous to still be this uncertain. But here we are.

So… sure, maybe it’ll come when I least expect it or maybe it’s here and I just don’t recognize it yet.

What I do know is that I have a standard that I measure these dates with and it’s that one Valentine’s Day date. And no one has come even close to measuring up. Not even within throwing distance. It’s not their fault… you can’t compete with deep friendship. It’s unfair to measure by that, but measure I do. Now isn’t that an interesting fact!

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As always, the future is bright! And I look forward to sharing it with you all, lovely readers!

Bachelorette Madness: Round 1

READ WITH CAUTION!!!

Here we have a 2 for 1 special. 2 winning representations of the human male specimen in 1 fabulous night of bachelorette party fun.

Being the single girl in the group usually leads to shennanigans like this:

It all started with dare cards and the Joshua Tree in midtown. The bride was given a deck of dare cards to bestow to each of us throughout the night. And being the faithful entourage, we were enlisted to comply.

I was given the card that said “Kiss the cutest guy at the bar (chosen by your friends)” Of course I get this card!! It’s my lot in life to be the girl who makes out with the stranger at the bachelorette party. But if we’re being completely honest… I’m pretty much always game for a bit of a make out with a complete stranger, especially for pure entertainment value.

I agree to let this occur seeing as how my motto is “What the bride wants, the bride gets.” (within reason)

So we all proceed to scan for someone good looking and game for a laugh. Enter TDH. Tall, dark, and handsome. I point him out, the girls approve, so I approach. Basically I say “I’m with this bachelorette party, we have to do crazy dares and here’s mine.” And I show him and his buddy the card. His buddy backed away with his hands in the air in total fear of this card. (How attractive and manly of him.) But not TDH. He grabs, dips and kisses me in front of the bridal entourage. Mission accomplished!

Except after this I expected to just walk away. Wham, bam, thank you ma’am…sir. But no. TDH had to be a stage 5 clinger. King of the Klingons. Really? You couldn’t just accept a little fun and move on? He needed my number. Wanted to go back to my place. Asked where I lived. And why I didn’t live closer. Kept giving me these little peck kisses, like we were married or something. Pulled me over to dance a few times. Wouldn’t leave it alone. I didn’t really kiss this guy for an intimate, relationship connection. It’s a game. And a bar going man like this should know how to play! End of story!!!

 

Enter SDA (short, douchey, a-hole) This guy was really cute. Came up to our table and started dancing (non-creepily) with all of us. The life of the party. And he kinda looked like Hodgins from the TV show Bones. All in all cute. I hadn’t said 2 words to the kid when he and his buddy walk up to me with this gem:

– SDA: “So.. we going back to your place?” (pointing to his buddy, to himself and to me)

– Me: “No….?”

– SDA: “Come on, you can have us both!”

– Me: “Neither of you could handle me so again I’m gonna go with NO!”

-SDA: (sensored for grandmas and moms the world over) “Come on, I’ll F*&@ your brains out.”

-Me: ………………………………………..

Baffled. Shocked. Appalled. And wondering if that has ever actually worked. Now I’m not at these places to meet Mr. Right or anything and thank God I’m not. Because he clearly never goes to bars. Or clubs. Or to karaoke on Tuesday night. I’ve yet to encounter a man that doesn’t completely rip apart my hopes and dreams about what a man should be. But the search continues!