Used Cows and Crumpled Flowers

Let’s talk about sex.

A very personal topic, to be sure.

And I’ll be straight with you, internet. I’ve never had it. I didn’t have it on prom night or experiment in college. I didn’t have a Bradshaw-esque one night stand in New York City or make a really bad drunken decision. (Well, that’s not true. Bad decisions were made and alcohol was involved, but still…no sex.) I didn’t have a long term boyfriend who I wanted to share that with. And through a series of events, romantic missteps and my own personal choices I have kept my V-card. Sometimes not for lack of trying to change that status, to be even more honest with you (why stop now.)

Most of the time it’s been a decisive choice I’ve made not to share that with another person. But I have to tell you…the literature out there (Bible notwithstanding) is quite poor on reasons why a man or woman may choose to not have sex before they’re ready, interested, married, old enough, smart enough…the list of reasons goes on. And the advice about having it isn’t any better!

Let’s start with the worst advice out there and work our way through it!

“If he’s tastes the milk, he won’t buy the cow.”

Let’s keep being honest here…boys aren’t being told that they are cows that have to protect their milk. The double standard surrounding sex has been around for a very long time. Women wear white on their wedding day to signal the purity coming to the marriage bed…where’s that declaration from the groom? Not only is it nowhere to be found…it’s frowned upon for a young man to be sexually pure after a “certain age.” And women? Well, we cows have to protect our milk or no respectable man will want to…buy us? Who thought this was a healthy narrative regarding sexuality? I’m not sure when this phrase was born, but I know it’s long past time for this one to die out! And yep, I’ve had had someone tell me this before!!

“If you have sex your ‘flower’ will get crumpled.”

I think the TV show ‘Jane the Virgin’ handled this one really well. But for real…virginity is not a flower. It is not something that can be trampled or crumpled by consensual sex with another human being. There are plenty of ways that sex can go wrong. But deciding to have it is not the end of your world and you certainly shouldn’t be made to feel like a tossed gardenia after making such a choice. And what about people who didn’t make a choice to have sex…are they damaged goods too? Think about how harmful that phrase is to someone who has been raped!!

“You should wait because of the other person.”

This has always been one of my least favorite reasons to wait. Personally, I don’t want a pregnancy scare…I don’t want STD’s…and I don’t want the emotional attachment that comes with having sex (no matter what anyone says to the contrary) and all that has nothing to do with some imaginary future partner that I am definitely not waiting around to find. So the idea that a pivotal life decision should be made for anyone other than me, myself and I is just as absurd as the idea that I’m a prized cow with precious milk that needs protecting.

“Lady in the street, freak in the bed.”

Let’s not pretend that conservatives who believe in waiting for marriage are the only ones who’ve mishandled information about sex. The liberal side hasn’t done a great job either. The idea that a women should be one thing when you meet her and another thing when you sleep with her is ludicrous. And are men supposed to be gentlemen in streets, but turn into animals in the sack? This one is silly at best and dangerous at worst. If I’m a lady in the street, then you take me home and I Fatal Attraction you…is that supposed to be sexy? And what about those of us who are what you see? Yeah…I say no to this one!!

Look…sex is a messy topic. (This much we can all agree on.) And parents, pastors, teachers, politicians, news anchors, celebrities, liberals, conservatives…everyone has a hard time talking about it. I can’t blame them for that. I have a hard time talking about it too. Writing this post about sex on a blog that my friends and family read…uncomfortable. But it’s important and what I want to do is share with you what I wish had been shared with me when I was younger.

Here’s the really personal part…another reason I’ve never had sex is because it terrifies me. Can you blame me? I can’t let my flower wilt! I can’t let the milk spoil! I can’t lose my purity because that scares the “good guys” away! And even if I decided I wanted to have sex, I have to be one thing when a guy meets me and another thing when it gets intimate.

Here’s what I think…since you came all the way over here to my mind palace…Sex is good, great, exciting, WONDERFUL! I believe God made sex. I think it’s ok to want to have sex. The when, the why, the how… that changes from person to person. And if you are religious, then your beliefs may play a very important role in your decision making process (mine do!) One of the most important parts is that the people involved in the decision to have it are on the same page and should agree about having it. And above all else, we as a society should stop using phrases involving cows, flowers and freaks to describe it. Enough already!

For the love of all that is good…we have to change the way we talk about sex for future generations. We just have to!

Brand New Episode

Episode 31: Bouquet Dodger

Starring:

Liz Tailor

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Check back every Tuesday for brand new episodes!!

30 Days of Nerdy Hair

Day 10: Phoebe Halliwell from Charmed

Back when the CW was the WB and teen dramas ruled that network, Charmed was one of the shows that led the charge. A story of three sister witches with a greater destiny than they knew. And a family lineage that would be discovered over the course of  eight seasons. Alyssa Milano’s, Phoebe Halliwell, was the youngest of the trio before Shannon Dougherty’s character,  Pru Halliwell, was killed off and Rose McGowan’s half witch/ half white lighter character, Paige, came on the scene. If you’ve never seen the show, do yourself a favor and power binge it on Netflix. It’s worth the watching! Even if just for Cole Turner/ Belthazor’s (Julian McMahon) tempestuous relationship with Phoebe.

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This was a pretty easy style to accomplish. You need some big red flowers, a bunch of bobby pins and a sense of destiny about you!

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Don’t forget to check back tomorrow. I’ve got 20 days to go.

30 Days of Nerdy Hair-Nerdvember

Day 2: Frida Kahlo

You can be a nerd for just about anything. And history is just one of the many things I can nerd out about. So today I chose a historical figure in the art community, Frida Kahlo.

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She of the braids, ribbon, flowers and unibrow. I decided to dump the unibrow and just do the hair.

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30 Days of Nerdy Hair

Day 6: Snow from Once Upon a Time

Today’s inspiration is from the pilot episode of ABC’s Once Upon a Time. Specifically Snow White played by Ginnifer Goodwin.

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For this style I left it curly (which is my normal hair texture) then threw it half up and added little flowers I got from Claire’s.

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Perfect for a faiytale kind of day!

30 Days of Nerdy Hair

Bonus Day 3 – Rapunzel

Here it is, everyone. The last hairstyle of the series.
I have to thank you all for coming to this page to see my little experiments. It’s been so much fun. And honestly I’ve really learned a lot, not only about what my hair is capable of doing, but of what I am capable of doing to it.
If you find yourself with free time, go on Pinterest, google your favorite movies or come right here and copy some styles. It’s fun, challenging and you’ll learn about your own hair.

A lot of people throughout the series kept saying ‘this isn’t nerdy, it’s beautiful.’

What I wanna do at Nerd in the City is share with you that beauty and nerdity can be one and the same. It is for me.

Zachary Levi (of Chuck, The Nerd Machine and… Tangled!) is always saying that, ‘being a nerd just means you’re really passionate about something.’

I think you have to be pretty passionate to get up at 5am every morning and copy hairstyles from popular and obscure entertainment sources for a straight 33 days. I am a nerd. And proud to be one!!

So without any more talking here it is. Today’s inspiration is Rapunzel from Disney’s Tangled. Voiced by Mandy Moore.

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I have been collecting flowers throughout the series in anticipation of creating this hairstyle. I love this one. It may be my favorite out of all the styles. But more on that tomorrow…

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Final day of Comic Con, final day of 30 Days of Nerdy Hair. Can’t wait for next year, on both counts!