Quality over Quantity

Pick your friend's nose E Cards friendship blog post

Think back to when you were in the 2nd grade. How many friends did you have? If you’re a social butterfly like me, then you had lots of friends. I knew practically everyone in the 2nd grade at my little, country elementary school and they all knew me. I was the one who was always on the play ground holding court and making sure everyone had room on the jungle gym. If you can’t get along on the jungle gym then there’s no hope for you in the halls of a school. I tried very hard to make people feel welcome and accepted, which lead to my bevy of friends.

Jungle Gym Unsplash photos by Daniel Ruyter blog post friendship
Photo: Unsplash.com by Daniel Ruyter

Flash forward to high school and gym time was an entirely different story. Not only do jungle gyms disappear in 6th grade (sadly) but so did my popularity. In 6th grade I began to show signs of becoming awkwardly tall and awkward in personality. The quirks that set you apart and make you cool when you’re little, immediately are seen as weird when you hit middle school. It’s all about homogeny and I wasn’t good at that game. So, I had a couple friends that were my besties, but that was really it. All the awkwardness of middle school was only exacerbated by age and my entrance into high school. And to some degree it continued into college.

The older I got the smaller my pool of friends became. In my head, I still had this picture of me on the jungle gym surrounded by all kinds of people, all kinds of friends. The friends that will get your back in a fight. The friends that will tell you it’s stupid to fight. The friends that started the fight. The friends who are fighting you. The friends on the sidelines cheering you on. I’m the kind of girl that cherishes all the friends. The more the merry.

So, to have a handful still throws me sometimes. I feel like I’m doing something wrong if I invite my friends to my party and 4 people show up. It doesn’t diminish the importance of those 4 friends, it’s just that sometimes my head doesn’t reconcile itself to my present reality. It may sound juvenile or silly, but what it really is, is completely honest. I have a hard time with reality. Especially when I paint really gorgeous thoughts and ideas in my head. Why wouldn’t I want to spend more time up there?

Friendship blog post Unsplash photos by Brooke Cagle
Photo: Unsplash.com by Brooke Cagle

See, in my head, it’s easy to be friends with people, but in reality it is difficult to be a friend and have friends sometimes. Especially when most of my besties are far, far away. There are times when I think that I’d make a better cave person than a friend. I want so desperately to do life with people that I care about, that I forget that there are people who don’t want to do life with me back. It’s still a new concept for me, hopeless optimist that I am. But it has become part of my present reality. A decidedly painful reality.

I get it. We all have one life to live and we have to make choices about who gets our time. Time is very important to me, so I understand spending it well. I guess the thought that I would be someone undeserving of a person’s time and energy is just so baffling, because I find myself occasionally delightful at best and moderately tolerable at worst. I hope that doesn’t sound narcissistic. It’s just that I spent all those awkward teen and college years trying to be anyone else. And I’ve finally accepted that I’m a pretty neat person. So I don’t apologize for liking myself after all this time. Liking yourself is a gift!

With that in mind, I want to give the time that is allotted to me to those individuals who enhance my life’s journey. And what I’ve learned is that quantity does not matter. Who cares how many friends you have? What matters is who will show up when you need them the most. The quality of friendship far outweighs the latter.

I am blessed to count on my hands a number of people who would drop everything to take my call. And who I would do the same for. I hate to make it sound harsh and I truly hate adulting. While cutting out the chaff may be difficult, it is a vitally important step in the process of growing up.

That’s not to say that I don’t still sometimes wish I was back on the jungle gym where things were easy and you became friends with someone simply because you were both wearing the same color…it’s just not physically true anymore. And I don’t have time for the fair-weather friends of the world. What happens when the storm comes? Who’s holding the umbrella with you? That’s the friend I want in my corner. It’s the kind of friend I hope that I am to my quality handful.

Friendship blog post  Unsplash photos by Pavel Badrtdinov
Photo: Unsplash.com by Pavel Badrtdinov

You’d think that social media would help immensely with this friendship problem, but it only muddies the waters. It only creates a false sense  of closeness with people who let go of you a long time ago and you just forgot to delete from your contact list. So, gentle reader, choose quality over quantity. You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friend’s nose…unless they’re a quality friend, then they’ll probably pick your nose right back!

Pick your friend's nose E Cards friendship blog post
Photo: SomeEcards.com

The Power of Hello

So… one night, I was out with some girlfriends for a rather epic night of karaoke. Enter a pack of attractive business men. Now, I’m not really a suit and tie kinda girl, but a cute guy is a cute guy.

When they walked in the door, I was rocking out to Saving Jane’s “Girl Next Door.” Apparently, well enough to peak the pack’s interest. Cause next thing I knew, one of the guys was on the stage dedicating Usher’s ‘Nice and Slow’ to me, personally.

A couple thoughts on this, it was a bold move and sometimes that really works. For this dude, it totally did. Very sexy! ‘Nice and Slow’ is a little fresh, but it’s karaoke and things said via song lyrics are way less jarring than when merely spoken.

For example: if a man ever said “I wish that I – Could pull over – And get this thing started right now – I wanna do something freaky to you baby” to my face… I’d probably slap him. But sung in a sexy Usher song, somehow it worked. Somehow.

Here’s where he went wrong. After he finished serenading me and even stealing a kiss on the cheek, he walked off the stage and went back to sit with his friends. Then he didn’t even approach me the rest of the night. Just stared at me from across the room. If you have the balls to get on stage and dedicate a song to me, you better have the balls to walk 6 feet across the room to say hello. But no. He didn’t.

Now, I’ve heard a lot of pick-up lines in my life, as you faithful readers already know. (read: That is Not a Pick-Up Line blog post)

But the one that actually works on me is “Hello.” It may sound simple or cheesy or old school, but I’m telling you… it really works! And if it’s the right hello, at the right moment, from the right person then “Hello” becomes a whole lot more than a simple, cheesy, old-school greeting.

The beauty of language is the subtlety of things not spoken. The phrase “less is more” comes to mind.

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This week’s webisode is the perfect example of what to do. Perhaps only the unicorns know the secret power of Hello, but I want to share this with the world. Education is the key to knowledge. So watch and learn from one of the few unicorns I have encountered in my journeys. Cause this boy knew how to make a Hello work for him!

Oh! That’s Why I’m Single!!

Last weekend my 3 girlfriends and I went out for drinks at a usual haunt that we enjoy.

One friend is married. One friend is practically engaged and one friend is single like me. She also happens to be my beautiful, nerdy roommate.

Now, to clarify, we do not go out to these places trolling for men. We are all of a similar mind in believing bars to be the worst place to meet someone of substance. We go to enjoy each other’s company. It’s not our fault that we end up always accidentally meeting jerks and weirdos!

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Anyways… roommate and I were having a very intense conversation about how a coworker of hers thinks every character in Firefly is basically a different iteration of Han Solo and how even if that’s true, there’s nothing wrong with that because Han Solo is the archetypal dream boat and a cast full of Han Solo’s can’t be a bad thing. Then we began to categorize the things we liked best about said scruffy-looking nerf herder.
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All of a sudden we looked over at our, very happily taken, friends only to find them being thoroughly hit on by some normal looking guys. (They ended up being jerks, normal!) The two single girls were clearly too busy talking about a galaxy far, far away to notice anything happening around us in real life. Even a few cute guys. Story of my life!

I looked at her, pushed my invisible spectacles up the bridge of my nose and said in a nerdy nasal voice, “Do you think this is why we’re single?” Her response…”Yep!”

Classic Nerd In the City!