I Don’t Believe In That Anymore

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Back when I was 15 and a wide-eyed, romantic high school kid, I believed whole-heartedly in ‘The One.’ I believed there was One predestined,  preordained (I won’t say perfect, but pretty darn close) person God had picked out for me. And it was just a matter of time till he found me or I found him. Our paths would one day cross (ideally by the age of 22), he’d be captured by that thing that seems to capture men’s attention in the movies and we would be married and well on our way to ‘happily ever after.’
Cause that’s how it works right?

Well, 22 came and The One never did. 25 came and I was still single. 30 came and I thought something must have been wrong. Isn’t ‘he’ supposed to have found me by now? What was taking so long? Was I really that hard to find?

Then, one day, my pastor preached a sermon on love and The One at church. He said that there is no such thing as The One. This is not a concept created by God. He’s not up there weaving his magical tapestry of our lives and preordaining every single thing we do, including who we do or do not marry. Yes, He knows what our choice will be and I think to some people that seems to mean the choice isn’t there to begin with, if He knows the outcome. But I don’t believe that. He created so many different people for us to meet and connect with and love. It’s the choice that makes the difference. It’s the choice that makes us free. And it’s the choice to choose to love someone that makes falling in love so much better than just accidentally letting it happen and having no say in the matter.  (Check out the sermon series here: Journey NYC)

Besides, if there was only One person out there for me to end up with… what if he got bored and married someone else? What if he had a tragic accident leaving him unable to come and find me? What if he died prematurely, never allowing us to meet at all? Would that be it for me? Would that be the end of the romantic story of my life?

Can you imagine… you spend your life waiting and one day you die and you get to Heaven and ask God,

“What happened, God? I thought you wanted me to get married and have kids, but my One never came around. Did I do something wrong?”

And God says, “Totally had someone for you, but he fell onto the train tracks one day and died before he met you. Sorry about that. Nothing I could do, my hands were tied. But he would have been perfect for ya! I promise.”

By limiting ourselves to one person in a sea of billions, we limit the possibilities for our lives. We limit God’s imagination for us. And we limit ourselves to some unattainable fairytale.

I am an optimist. I am a romantic. I believe in love. I just don’t believe in love at first sight or destiny. I think it’s hard work to love someone. I think it will be hard work for someone to love me. I think that it’s a choice and I just haven’t chosen to take that step with anyone I have met so far. Rather than waiting for someone to see that magical thing in me that inspires love and devotion, I’m waiting to see it in someone. It takes two to tango and I won’t wait around to be chosen. I get to do the choosing! And that is an encouraging thought. God has placed the ball entirely in my court. It’s up to me to make the move.


Check out this week’s episode of my web series for more on The One!! 

Settling Down or Just Plain Settling

If I asked you to describe the perfect man, what would you say, ladies?  Or men, what about the perfect woman?

My checklist looks a little like this… Click Here.

And the funny thing is we tell ourselves we have “high standards” and that settling is bad. Our loved ones tell us never to “settle for less than we deserve” meanwhile they are begging us to go ahead and settle down already.
And is it just me or does settle down sound an awful lot like “settling.” Perhaps that’s because it’s the same freaking word!
Who was the wise guy that started calling it “settling down?”

Anyone out there married? Did it feel like you were settling down in life? Does having children make you feel settled? Or is it one adventure to the next.

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I think you know already that I’m not married or with child. But I know enough to know that that’s the worst description of marriage and married life I’ve ever heard. And if that’s what it’s like… I’ll tell you right now, marriage ain’t for me. Hello!! I’m a hurricane. It is physically impossible for me to “settle down” or to “settle” in any way. My winds may get smoother, but they’ll always be there, blowing away. I have a sneaking suspicion it’s nothing like that! (Marrieds…back me up here.)

If the goal in finding love is to settle down and yet somehow not end up settling for “less than you deserve” then I think it’s a losing battle. And making a checklist for Mr. “Perfect” seems like a futile attempt to control the uncontrollable. Isn’t it better when Mr. or Mrs. Surprising comes along? Maybe he isn’t taller than you. Maybe she isn’t a D cup. Maybe he didn’t go to Harvard Law School. Maybe SHE didn’t go to Harvard Law School. See what I’m getting at here.

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So, yeah. I went ahead and threw my checklist away. Cause if I’m honest with myself, I’m looking for a Mr. Darcy and all I’m finding is Mr. Ed. (That’s right… the talking horse!)

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Checklists… we all make them. But at the end of the day we should all be equally prepared to rip them up and throw them away. Standards are OK. Compatibility is a thing. But don’t let either get in the way of what can come along when you aren’t holding that person under a microscope of unrealistic expectations!

Live in the Now Zone

When I was a kid my uncle always used to tell us to “Live in the now zone!” Back then I never really understood what he was talking about. It always just seemed like something cool and a little snarky that he’d say when he didn’t want to talk about something.

But now I think it was about much, much more. I spend so much time thinking about the future. Planning out all my tomorrows. And I forget all about today. About the “now zone.”

So starting today I’m worrying less about tomorrow and focusing on what an amazing gift today is. What can I do with the day I’ve been given. The truth is we might not have as many tomorrows as we think, so why plan them all out. Focus on the Now Zone!!! And make every minute count!!

Just One Word

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Welcome to the New Year! A time of reflection. A time to assess the year that’s passed. A time to start looking forward to the year to come. And, inevitably, a time of resolutions.

If you’re like me then you make long lists of things that need changing. Things that are wrong with you. Maybe it looks something like this:

-Lose that weight

-Get rid of my debilitating debt

-Be better at my job

-Take up a new hobby

-Eat better

-Be nicer

-Travel more

-Curse less

-Pray more

-Hurt less

Be this. Do that. Change, change, change!
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Let me tell you. It doesn’t work. It doesn’t inspire. It only hurts.

So this year it’s time to try something different. (Brought to you by Roommate’s mom, Karen)

Pick a word. A word that inspires you. A word that you want to describe you. A word that will help you make some positive changes. A word you’d be proud to have someone say about you.

I’ve chosen BOLD.
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I want to be bold in my relationships with people. I want to be bold in my aspirations. Bold with my big, wild dreams. Bold with my heart. Bold with my health. And perhaps if I attempt to create a bolder life, then maybe I will accomplish some of the goals that inevitably end up on my 5 page list of resolutions every year. And wouldn’t that be a better way to improve myself?

The truth is that I am exactly who I’m supposed to be. And the fundamentals need not be altered. I just need to start thinking the best about myself and the rest will follow.

What’s your word?

Surviving New York Comic Con

Tip #2: DO NOT plan to eat at the Javits Center. It is important for you to know that not only is the food at the Javits not incredibly delicious, it’s also not incredibly cheap. It’s the opposite of cheap. It cost an arm and a leg and unless you are smack in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, a disposable arm and/or leg may be hard to come by. So plan ahead. Bring a lunch or schedule time to take a walk outside and get some real food. Nearby restaurants include but are not limited to:

Mcdonalds: May not be the best cuisine, but it’s reliable and it’s dirt cheap. Plus there is a Mickey D’s right on 34th street and 10th Ave to make it easy to dash out and back and barely miss a beat or a panel.

River Diner: Located at 452 11th Ave. Diner food is always predictable, but it’s reliably good and decently priced.

Bianca’s Steakhouse: If you are not from here and want to experience a little of the food culture that New Yorkers love to brag on, why not try something a little fancier like this Steakhouse on w. 38th St.

O’Farrells: You can never go wrong with good old fashioned pub food. Try this Irish pub at 413 10th Ave.

 

Tip #3: That seat is yours for as long as you want it. If you made it into a panel (especially some of the bigger ones) and you want to stay for the following panel, you have every right to do so. That is NYCC policy and not everyone knows about it. So make sure to plan ahead and plant your butt in that seat if that room has multiple panels you are interested in attending!!

 

Tip #4: Artist Alley is cool. Just go there. There are so many artists and talented people doing great work and what better place to discover a new favorite than in the artist alley. Most of the artists are there and will gladly autograph their work for you. Making it a more personal experience. If they ever hit the big time you can say “I liked them way before. All the way back at Comic Con 2013!” Nerds love bragging on how long they’ve loved an actor and/or artist.

 

Tip #5: R-E-S-P-E-C-T Show a little respect to each other. This isn’t so much a tip as it is a request. We nerds have to stick together. We are apart of a large community of like minded dorks that the rest of the world just doesn’t understand. So try not to attack each other for a spot in line, Try not to ram your gigantic bag of swag into the unsuspecting arm of a fellow attendee. Try not to push someone out of the way for a photo with Patrick Stewart. We have to band together against long lines and fatigue and terrible convention food. So just try a little tenderness!!