To Thine Own Self be True

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Photo from Fashion by Mayhem

Today is National Shero Day! A day to celebrate dynamic women that inspire us and drive us to be better. And the Shero I want to talk about is not a woman yet, but she is an inspiration. She is 6 year old Mayhem from the amazing Instagram and blog Fashion by Mayhem. If you haven’t discovered the amazingness of Mayhem’s daily fashion creations, please check her out right now.

I’ve been following Mayhem for a while and I continue to be amazed by her personality and ability to stay herself. She is gaining more and more press and attention and it hasn’t changed her. I hope this continues. But it made me think of myself when I was a kid. And how growing up did change me.

When I was younger, I always used to try crazy style ideas that I’d come up with in my head. (Who would ever have thought me capable of such a thing?) Skirts over pants, multiple bindis on my forehead, fingerless glove sleeves. I even made my own homecoming gown in the 10th grade. Basically, if I had fun with it and liked what I saw when I left the house… I’d wear it.

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This gave me a reputation for being a weird kid. I would often be made fun of and not just by the mean bullies, but by close friends and sometimes family too. I don’t think they meant to be mean. They were just commenting on the vast difference between me and (seemingly) everyone else. They just didn’t get me. Didn’t get my style and as we see everyday, humans tend to persecute what they don’t understand.

So, somewhere along the way, right around Junior/ Senior years of high school, I started to do what the other kids were doing. I started to lose that confidence and style that was once so uniquely me. I took to wearing t-shirts and baggy jeans, because if no one notices you, then no one will be mean to you. And I let myself fade into the background. I quit the high school marching band and got low grades and just phoned it all in.

There’s a funny story I like to tell about taking my Senior school pictures. Right before I went into the room, someone told me I had the biggest smile. So big that they could see my gums. And I thought “well, that’s a horrifying thought.” When I walked into the photographer’s room, instead of flashing my big, bright, beautiful smile with the confidence of my younger self, my smile ended up looking like what I can only describe as the pinched smile of a person with zero self esteem. Basically I looked like I had been drugged! I let someone else’s comment on my appearance change one of my favorite features. I love my smile, but in a split second I made the choice to hide it because of someone’s words.

I know what you’re thinking… how can style effect someone so much. It’s not the clothes that mattered in this situation because there was a lot more going on under the surface. More than a drastic change in fashion sense. There’s usually more than what you see or what you think going on in any given situation.

For a kid who proudly wore her Wonder Woman pj’s as everyday clothes, this switch in style was an important red flag.

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It took many years for me to feel comfortable in my own skin again. And to eschew the opinion of others, mean or otherwise, in deference to not only my own opinion of myself, but God’s opinion of me.

I talk a lot about those awkward years of missteps and self discovery, because I was a hot mess (minus the hot.) I knew who I was, then forgot who I was, then tried to find who I was in the eyes of everyone else around me. This is universal stuff here. So I like to talk about it because, for the most part, I’m through it. I’m on the other side, gently patting my younger self on the head and saying, “Oh, little one. If only you knew what I know now. How much easier your journey would be.” And once again, I think this is not something that just little ole me has been through. And if someone out there reading this says, “Hey, I feel that way too” well, that’s why I share! Sharing opens the door on things that we are ashamed of. Our past, our shame, our embarrassment. By talking about these things, we take away the power they have over us.

Yeah, I was an awkward, weird kid. But I grew up. Though I’m still pretty quirky and weird. And people still think that remarking on my differences is somehow a nice thing. But if we hold onto these things then we never overcome them! So rise up. Rage against the machine. Don’t let the past win over your future. Cause God has better things planned for you!! And Mayhem wouldn’t like it!

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Brand New Episode

Episode 26: Oversharing

Starring:

Liz Tailor, Tiffany Kalevik & Danny Ryan

Ethical Closet (Click the links below):

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For more information on the companies we partner with and what they stand for CLICK HERE, and for more on the fashions and where to get them CLICK HERE.

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Check back every Tuesday for brand new episodes!!

5 Fandom Friday Classic

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Fictional Couples I Ship (Classic)

So I had to go ahead and do a post about those couples that are no longer on television. These are from what one might affectionately refer to as the good old days. Before couples had mashed up names, before Twitter could save a show. Back when the CW was The WB. Back when you spent years and years watching the sexual tension get more and more tense, till it’s season 10 and that couple still isn’t together and all you want is a freaking happy ending (I’m looking at you, JAG!) These are the couples that came before the couples we ship today. And I couldn’t just choose 5. So I picked as many as I wanted! As always, thanks to The Nerdy Girlie and Super Space Chick for the blog topics!! I also wrote about today’s couples… Click Here for that post.

Major spoilers ahead in this one, but since all of these shows are off the air, I’m just gonna go ahead and say, if you haven’t been spoiled by now, then don’t read on till you’ve watched all of these shows. Each ship is as magnificent as the one that follows!!

#1 – Harm and Mac from JAG

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10 seasons. 10 seasons of sexual tension till this couple finally got together in the last episode… at the last possible moment. Against all odds and executive producer, Donald P. Bellisario’s campaign to keep the couple apart forever, they finally got together. But after 10 years it was basically to placate the fans, then again after all that time… why wouldn’t you?

#2 – Chandler and Monica from Friends

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Sure Ross and Rachel are the obvious choice from Friends, but it’s Monica and Chandler that sneaks up on you and steals your heart completely. They start off as… well… Friends. And after that time in London, they start down a road to something so much more. And infinitely better than the Ross and Rachel will they/won’t they. Because there was never any won’t they. We knew they would and they never disappointed! And with Friends on Netflix now, we can all go back and relive the adorable romance of Mondler…Chandlica… Not sure what their shipper name would be these days.

#3 – Mulder and Scully  from The X-Files

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This was another fictional relationship that was a long time coming. We knew they belonged together, they knew they belonged together. I’m not sure why it took them so dang long. Perhaps it was the impending doom of regular alien activity that seemed to leave romance at the door. But they found a way, even after David Duchovny left the show and it really should have been cancelled in his absence.

#4 – Dr. Mike and Sully from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman

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I loooove me some Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. This is a couple that did some serious dancing for a plenty of seasons. But they did get together and eventually have little Katie Elizabeth. Ultimately delivering the kiss of death (as it was know when a couple would get married on a TV show back then.) Once Sully and Michaela finally got it together and got married, everyone basically found no reason left to watch the show. Sure, Colleen had a love interest and there was that whole Dorothy and Cloud Dancing thing, but it was the long-haired, brooding Sully and the longer-haired, intrepid Michaela that really kept us invested in the show.

#5 – Everyone on all Star Treks

Captain Picard and Beverly Crusher from The Next Generation

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This one sadly had no big wedding payoff. Only the fleeting sense that they belonged together and they both knew it. Lovers came and lovers went, but these friends always remained in each others lives and that is something that transcends romance!

Commander Riker and Deanna Troi

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They had a little time of will they/ won’t they going on. She even dated Worf and he dated plenty of women who were not right for him. Sometimes you gotta kiss a lot of frogs. Am I right? But eventually in the movie Star Trek: Nemesis (arguably not the best of the Trek movies) these two finally tied the knot!

Lieutenant Worf and Jadzia Dax

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Sure, Worf and Deanna had a thing going back on the Enterprise for a short spell, but everyone knew that she belonged with Riker. Leaving Worf wide open to leave The Next Generation and find his lady love on Deep Space Nine. And find her he did!

Constable Odo and Major Kira

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This relationship begins as so many of the best ones do, with utter loathing. Odo and Kira can’t stand each other at first. He’s a changeling, she’s Bajoran. Both have a job to do and find it best if everyone stays out of each other’s… oh wait, what’s that? They love each other now? Of course, they do!

Seven of Nine and Commander Chakotay

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I love a good tale of opposites attract. Who would have thought, when Seven of Nine was ripped from the Borg collective that she and the spicy Maquis Commander Chakotay would fall truly, madly, deeply in love. The best ships are the ones you don’t see coming!

Tom Paris and B’elanna Torres

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That was not the case with these two. Another tempestuous pairing that was destined for true love. Of course they couldn’t stand each other in the beginning, they hadn’t reached that part when they are yelling at each other and realize the very fine line that exists between love and hate. But once they did it was beautiful to watch them fall. And eventually have a little half Klingon/ half human baby in a Delta Quadrant far, far away!!

#6  – Joey and Pacey from Dawson’s Creek

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Sorry to you Dawson fans, but there is no way that our girl Joey Potter was ever going to end up with a sap like Dawson! Pacey was always the guy for her. We knew it back in high school when they first did it at on the ski trip and we knew it when they got stuck in the K-Mart together. She makes him wanna be a better man!

#7 – Max and Liz from Roswell

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Roswell only had 3 seasons, but from episode 1, it was always Max and Liz. He saved her life. And not crazy pants Tess nor evil alien spawn or the Skins could separate them from that bond! As you can see from the picture above, it worked out in the end! Happily ever after ensued and I cry every time I watch that finale!

#8 – Lois and Clark from Smallville

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After suffering through 4 years of Clark pining after stupid Lana, Lois finally came on the scene like a proper hurricane! And anyone who knows anything about anything at all knows that Lois and Clark are meant to be together! So, go ahead Lois, flirt with Oliver Queen. And feel free, Clark, to pine all you want after Lana.. but in the end it’s Lois and Clark and everyone knows it! This is a show that knows how to ship and didn’t wait 10 years for their characters to say I love you. They did, however, wait 10 years for them to say “I Do.” Can’t give all the good stuff away up front!

#9 – Niles and Daphne from Frasier

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Poor Niles Crane. We watched him pine after Daphne from the minute she walked into his life. He was married, she was single. The she was engaged, and he was single. It took years for them to finally be on the same page. But once they worked it out and got together it was completely glorious!

#10 – Everyone on Lost

Jack and Kate

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This was a big will they/ won’t they. Jack loved Kate. Then Kate slept with Sawyer. Sawyer loved Kate, but Kate loved Jack. Jack loved Juliet, but Juliet was potentially evil. Then Jack and Kate left the island, but then they needed to go back. Meanwhile back on the island…

Sawyer and Juliet

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The island started hopping time, leaving Juliet and Sawyer to start their romance. And finally at the end of the day Jack ended up with Kate, Juliet ended up with Sawyer (up in that purgatory church thing) and all was right with the fictional world of Lost. Whew!

Jin and Sun

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The union of Jin and Sun was never really up in the air. They started out married and lasted until their untimely demise. But don’t worry, they too met again in that church purgatory! What I loved most about Sun and Jin was Jin’s character development. He started out as a tight ass who never let Sun be Sun and ended up being one of my favorite characters on the show!

Charlie and Claire

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Lost was a show that was constantly bringing the pain, but nothing was quite as painful as poor Charlie’s death on not-Penny’s boat. And in the finale when they panned the shot to a very happy Claire and Charlie, I defy you to have had a dry eye!! It was beautiful, it was moving, it was television at it’s most heart-warming!!

#11 – Buffy and Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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Plenty of people out there are Team Angel. He has his place and we love him, but there that’s whole unfortunate Angelus part of the package. So along came William the Bloody. Of course he was evil. All the best ones start out bad but then make that pivotal turn towards love. Spike spent season 5 pining for the Buffster. We knew she was too good for him. She was the slayer for Pete’s sake! But then she died and spent all that time dragging herself through the proverbial muck by lower her standards and getting busy with Spike. And there is that unfortunate scene in the bathroom, that I’ll never forgive him for, but he knew he was evil so he went to get his soul. And eventually gave his life for the Scoobies and their cause. He is my favorite and I love him!!!

#12 – Mal and Inara from Firefly

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Any Firefly fan out there knows the deep, heart break that is the cancellation of this television gem. It sucked, it was depressing, it left us too soon. And Mal and Inara never had the chance to declare their love for each other. The signs were all there. And deep down they both knew the truth. But truth unspoken is just heresay. It’s a deep sadness we all keenly feel. But I think we can surmise that eventually these crazy kids said what they needed to say! One can hope!

#13 – The 10th Doctor and Rose from Doctor Who

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Oh Rose! So many people hate you, but I know you belong with the regenerated human version of the 10th Doctor via his severed hand. It’s a classic tale. Girl meets Chris Eccleston. Chris Eccleston becomes David Tennant. Everyone is ok with that. David Tennant leaves girl on a beach in an alternate reality. Girl spends all of her time trying to get back to real reality only to have David Tennant split into two David Tennant’s (hello nurse!) Classic! This one had a weirdly happy ending. She ended up with an inferior version of David Tennant. And a human, non-time traveling David Tennant is better than no David Tennant at all. Everyone knows that!

#14 – Steve and Miranda from Sex and the City

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Whenever you mention Sex and the City, most people bring up Carrie and Big or Carrie and Aiden or Carrie and whoever. But it’s Steve and Miranda who make it work and make it last. Sure there are some rough patches, but that’s what makes it so beautiful. They find their way back to each other even after all the bad! It’s a tale as old as time and worth watching over and over again.

I know it’s a long one, but honestly, this list could have been even longer. And it’s my list so I’ll write as much as I want to! 😉

I’m such an easy shipper. Throw a little tension my way and I’m all about THAT couple!! I get drawn in and I just have to binge-watch till everyone is happily married off. I’m the same way in real life. Perhaps I’m just waiting till everyone has a happy ending before I even think about finding mine.

Who do you ship!! Come on over to my Twitter party tonight at 9pm EST where we will be talking about love and shippers. Join in with the hashtag #NerdySlumberParty There will be giveaways and plenty of nerd talk! Virtually see you there!! @nerdinthecity

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Brand New Episode of So…This Happened

Episode 16: The Ice Cream Theory

Starring Liz Tailor

Ethical Closet:

Click the links for Liz’s Look:

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Golden Snitch Earrings from Etsy

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For more information on the companies we partner and what they stand for CLICK HERE, and for more on the fashions and where to get them CLICK HERE.

New Episode Next Tuesday, December 16th

Episode 9: Checklist

Starring: Liz Tailor

Clothes: Liz – Pride and Prejudice Tee from Out of Print, Make a Better World Necklace with mango hoop from The Leakey Collection, Orange Tree Earrings from The Root Collective, Cobalt Peep Toe Flats from The Root Collective

Click for more information on the companies we partner with, what they stand for and the fashions and where to get them.

New Episode Next Tuesday, October 28th

Nerd in the City Book Club

Over-Dressed: The Shockingly High Cost of Cheap Fashion

by Elizabeth L. Cline

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October is fair fashion month and I had the opportunity to attend a panel moderated by author Elizabeth Cline at the TrimLab a couple week’s ago. Which then prompted me to pick up her book.

About 6 months ago I was sent down the road to fair fashion, what it’s all about and what it means for my life. If I wasn’t already ignited to change my shopping habits, this book would have done the trick! I had cut out Forever 21 because their production practices are very questionable, but I was still holding onto H&M. The lesser of two evils, right? Well after reading this book, I can’t really continue to shop there. And have made the commitment not to shop at any fast fashion chains. I also have committed to having no fast fashion in my web series, So…This Happened, as of Jan. 20th. (We filmed a few episodes before this conviction.)

What I loved about Over-Dressed is that it delves deep into the problems our country currently faces with production, overspending, high volume of waste and the general mindset that fashion is disposable. The amount of clothing that people purchase and throw away is at an all time high. And big, fast-fashion companies like H&M, Forever 21 and Zara are rendering small boutique designers virtually extinct. When you are able to get a “fashionable” top for $5 at Forever 21, why would you pay $150 for something from an independent zer0 waste designer like Tabii Just or Daniel Silverstein? Quality has turned from “well made” to “good enough.”

Cline talks a lot about her own experience with fast fashion and while reading her story, it felt like it could have been my story. When Cline walked out of an “Kmart with 7 pairs of canvas flats,” that was the moment she started her wake up call. The journey she goes on will enlighten you to what is happening in our world right now and really make you think about how you shop!

Definitely give this book a read and allow it to challenge the way you think about fashion and shopping. Do you know what your wearing? Who made it? It’s quality? These are the kind of questions Elizabeth dared to ask herself and will ask you if you let her.

Get it here.