Pride and Prejudice and Zombies?

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies Seth Grahame Smith books

If you are a die hard Jane Austen fan, like me, then perhaps you are or were skeptical about the merits of a book that adds blood, gore and the undead into the prim and proper world of Austen’s Regency Era story. Guess what…the resulting work is simply astoundingly fun! A match made in heaven or rather…hell!!

Let me assure you…the movie is no less awesome than the book! I was worried that the film adaptation might skimp on the story and go straight for the gory, but the sweeping romance of Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet’s love story was not sacrificed.

The Highlights

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies movie blog

Mr. Darcy

Sam Riley Mr Darcy Pride and Prejudice and Zombies Blog

I was also skeptical about Sam Riley’s, Mr. Darcy. He does not have the countenance that I have come to expect from my Darcy’s. But I have to tell you on the scale from Colin Firth to David Rintoul…I’d place Riley above below Matthew Rhys, but above Elliot Cowan. If only because I’ve never met a Darcy I didn’t like and there are 10, in my estimation, that deserve ranking. Sam Riley definitely gave a solid Darcy performance and upon multiple viewings, I expect him to rise in esteem. The curious thing to me was the timber of his voice. It had a gravelly quality to it that at first I did not care for. But given the dark nature of the zombie apocalypse it started to fit in better than a more refined English accent. All in all, a very charming addition to the Darcy family.

Elizabeth Bennet

Lily James Elizabeth Bennet Pride and Prejudice and Zombies movie blog

As high as my standards are for Mr. Darcy, they are even higher for the second oldest Bennet sister. Perhaps it’s because I identify so closely with her that I hold her in such high and lofty esteem. Lily James has everything that an Elizabeth Bennet should have. A love of longs walks, a ready wit and oh yeah, she kicks serious zombie ass…a quality I never knew I always wanted in Elizabeth Bennet. Her chemistry with Sam Riley is tangible. Especially in the famous proposal scene, where Mr. Darcy makes his love and his reservations about their match known. Let’s just say Elizabeth, a trained warrior, doesn’t take the insult of his proposal lightly and more than just verbal sparring ensues.

Mr. Collins

Matt Smith Mr. Collins Pride and Prejudice and Zombies movie blog

It’s the first time I was ever rooting for Mr. Collins, even if just slightly. The incomparable Matt Smith enters the scene as the silly, ridiculous, irreverent Mr. Collins. But where his predecessors have played the role with nauseating smarm, Smith manages to make Collins seem charming (the only other Collins who achieved a level of charm is Maxwell Glick’s Ricky Collins from the You Tube sensation The Lizzie Bennet Diaries.) It probably helps that I’m incredibly biased towards loving all things Matt Smith, seeing as he is Doctor Who and all! He will always get my vote. I was happy that Charlotte Lucas got to have such a delightful match, though Charlotte herself in this film is quite forgettable.

Lady Catherine de Bourgh

Lena Headey Lady Catherine de Bourgh Pride and Prejudice and Zombies movie blog

I cannot go further without mentioning another powerhouse in the world of geeky fandom. Lena Headey, Cersei Lanister herself, rounds out this cast as Mr. Collin’s benevolent patroness, the Lady Catherine de Bourgh. Except once again, with delightful twists in store for the fan of this classic story. Lady Catherine is no mere aristocrat sitting on her laurels and passing judgement on the Misses Bennet. She is a hardened warrior who has slayed hoards of zombies and even has an eye patch to show for it (a patch used for necessity, not vanity.) When she confronts Elizabeth about whether or not Darcy has made her an offer of marriage, she does more than ask a few tough questions.

The rest of the players are aptly cast, though widely forgettable. Except for the nefarious Mr. George Wickham who is played by the very charming Jack Huston. So charming, in fact, that I was hoping Wickham would end up being as delightful as the man who played him. Alas, Wickham remains a scoundrel in this adaptation as with all the others.

The Walking unDead

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies movie blog

As a fan of all things zombie and all things Jane Austen…my standards on both sides are always very high. I equally expect my romance to be sweeping and my head shots to be brutal. So I am happy to say that I was as satisfied with the portrayal of these beloved characters as I was with the zombie effects. The shots were so resounding that I could feel them in my chest. The zombies were believable…the blood and guts visceral. And the action was fast paced and hard-hitting. It’s as much an action movie as it is a romance. What better way to get boys to appreciate the wonderful world of Austen…just add zombies!

All in all, a really fun movie. I watched the entire thing with a gigantic smile on my face. But, reader… I did not walk away unscathed…

zombie bitten Pride and Prejudice and Zombies blog

Thanks to Lootcrate for infecting me with the zombie virus!!

Jane Austen Syndrome

I am by no means the first delicate female to suffer from this deep affliction. But it is, perhaps, safe to call my case one of the most severe. Long have I suffered in silence, but I cannot continue thusly. I must share with you my struggles in the hopes that you, gentle reader, may commiserate with me and perchance even share in this sickness as well, for I truly cannot be the only one out there who has experienced, what will hence be known as, The Jane Austen Syndrome.

But it’s symptoms are not so easily recognized in everyone so keenly as they are in me. Allow me to illuminate some such symptoms for you, so that you may then be able to seek the proper advisement from your local apothecary to acquire the necessary cure for such an illness as this.

Symptoms include, but are not limited to…

1. Taking long walks for no reason at all

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2. Getting constantly caught in the rain

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3. Spontaneous trips to the English countryside

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4. Learning the art of wax sealing letters

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5. Ballroom dance lessons

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6. Calligraphy lessons

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7. Piano and/or singing lessons

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8. Performing piano and/or singing skills in public at random 

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9. Taking turns around the room

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10. Discovering an affinity for high tea

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11. Wearing overly large bonnets even when it isn’t sunny out

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12. Seeking out men with names like Henry, Edward, Fitzwilliam, Charles, Edmund, George, Frederick, etc.

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13. And finally, when you start considering a double wedding….it’s all over. You are officially afflicted with The Jane Austen syndrome. Go ahead and embrace your inner petticoat!

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Zombie killing may not have been associated with Jane Austen in years past, but thanks to Seth Grahame-Smith’s novel “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” getting the big screen treatment, that’s all about to change. Don’t miss Elizabeth Bennet and company kick serious undead ass on February 5th in theaters! Check out the trailer:

39 Times Rom Coms Pissed Me Off

You know what really burns my butt? Romantic Comedies!! Because here I am over here…liberated female, free from the ties that bind me and then a movie like When Harry Met Sally comes on and all that level-headed nonsense goes right out the window because…reasons! It just burns. It stings actually.

Pissed Off Yoda

And the worst part is that Romantic Comedies and Dramedies and Sitcomedies and all manner of romance, to be honest, make me weak at the knees. One shot of a semi shirtless Mr. Darcy emerging from the pond at Pemberley and I know what I’ll be dreaming about that night. One little romantic speech from Tom Hanks and farewell normal, everyday human male specimen…don’t even bother, cause you’re no Hanks! Again I say, it burns! Because I don’t want to have that vision in my head. That romantic ideal and yet there it sits. Waiting for the moment to strike. The moment when a guy chooses to take me to a Starbucks for a first date instead of guerilla paintball a la 10 Things I Hate About You. Or at the airport while boarding my plane and no one comes to stop me from getting on…how rude! Or how about when I’m at a holiday party with no date and then…no one bursts through the door to save me.

The beautiful truth is that I can save myself, thank you very much. Always have, always will. The crappy side effect of my frail humanity is that I still want to be saved sometimes. In moments of weakness and ice cream… I want it.

And I’ve decided that Rom Coms are to blame. It doesn’t mean for a second that I’ll stop watching them, because I’m a weak human girlie specimen. And also…reasons! Regardless, here are the 39 romantic moments that just piss me off!!! Who’s with me??

(**This is not the order in which I love hate these movies.)

39.The Switch

The Switch Jason bateman gif Rom Com Movie Moments

38. Love and Basketball

Love and Basketball Gif Rom Com Movie Moments

37. No Strings Attached

No Strings Attached Rom Com Movie Moments

36. Leap Year

Leap Year Rom Com Movie Moment

35. Never Been Kissed

Never Been Kissed Rom Com Movie Moment

34. My Big Fat Greek Wedding

My Big Fat Greek WEdding Rom Com Movie Moment

33. Someone Like You

Someone Like You Rom Com Movie Moments

32. She’s All That

Freddie Prince Jr. She's All That Rom Com Movie Moments

31. Jerry McGuire

Jerry MaGuire Movie Moments

30. The Bodyguard

The Bodyguard Movie Moment

29.  Grease

John Travolta Grease Rom Com Movie Moment

28. The Wedding Planner

The Wedding Planner

27. Ella Enchanted

Ella Enchanted Rom Com Movie Moments

26.Say Anything

Say Anything Boom Box Movie Moment

25. Lady and the Tramp

Lady and the Tramp spaghetti gif Movie Moments

24. Clueless

Clueless Paul Rudd Rom Com Movie Moments

23. The Nanny Diaries

The Nanny Diaries Rom Com Movie Moments

22. Friends with Benefits

Friends with Benefits Justin Timberlake Rom Com Movie Moments

21. Jane Austen Book Club

The Jane Austen Book Club Rom Com Movie Moment

20. Because I Said So

Because I Said So Gabriel Macht Rom Com Movie Moments

19. Hitch

Hitch Rom com movie moments

18. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

17. Dirty Dancing

Dirty Dancing Patrick Swayze Movie Moments

16. Emma

Emma Movie Moments Mr. Knightley

15. Moulin Rouge

Ewan McGregor Moulin Rouge Movie Moments

14. Sleepless in Seattle

Sleepless in Seattle Rom Com Movie Moment

13. 27 Dresses

27 Dresses Rom Com Movie Moments

12. Pretty Woman

Pretty Woman Rom Com Movie Moment

11. The Mirror Has Two Faces

The Mirror Has Two Faces Rom Com Movie Moments

10. 13 Going on 30

13 Going on 30 Rom Com Movie Moments

9. 10 Things I Hate About You

10 Things I Hate About You Rom Com Movie Moments

8. While You Were Sleeping

While You Were Sleeping ROm COm Movie Moments

7. The Proposal

The Proposal Rom Com Movie Moments

6. Love Actually

Love Actually Rom Com Movie Moments

5. The Princess Bride

The Princess Bride As you Wish Movie Moment

4. You’ve Got Mail

You've Got Mail Tom Hanks Rom Com Movie Moments

3. Bridget Jones’ Diary

Bridget Jones' Diary Rom Com Movie Moments

2. Pride and Prejudice (mini series)

Pride and Prejudice Mr. Darcy Movie Moments

1. When Harry Met Sally (My favorite of all time!)

When Harry Met Sally Rom Com Movie Moments

 

OK, so some of them aren’t Rom Coms. There are Rom Drams and Rom Musical Coms up there, but you get my drift. Romance is stupid and yucky and I love it hate it!!! Hate with a capital H and that stands for Hate and that rhymes with Hate!

Which Rom Coms are your favorite least favorite!!

7 bonus movies that I was reminded of after hitting publish:

Fools Rush In

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The Holiday 

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The Decoy Bride

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My Best Friend’s Wedding

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Return to Me

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Sweet Home Alabama

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Runaway Bride

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Marvel’s Shipyard

Today I’m examining relationships in the MCU. Watching Agents of Shield last week led me to the realization that there are very few functioning or healthy relationships over at Marvel.
Maybe it’s the superhero business…there’s hardly time for love much less relationship counseling. Has to be hard to find time for romance when you’re trying to save lives and save the world.
Let’s see who stands a chance of making their ship sail… (and see how many ship analogies I can possibly come up with!!)

1. Tony Stark and Pepper Potts (aka #Pepperony)
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This is currently the strongest ship in the fleet. Tony and Pepper flirted in Iron Man, were together by the time Whiplash tried to take Tony out in IM2 and have survived not one but 3 other Marvel movies (Avengers, Iron Man 3 and Avengers: Age of Ultron.) It’s funny to think that the most narcissistic Avenger is the one in the healthiest relationship. Shows real growth! Good for you Tony (but we really mean Good for you, Pepper, cause we know who’s the Captain of this ship!)

2. Bobbi Morse and Lance Hunter (aka #Huntingbird)
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These two were on again/ off again all last season, but currently things seem to be on the rise for these two. Bobbi is back in the field and Hunter has let his vengeance against Ward for almost killing his ex-wife cool off a bit. It’s tough to find a happy ending in the line of duty, but these two are really making a go of it. Their chemistry is great and I can’t wait to see where this ship sails off to.

3. Hope Van Dyne and Scott Lang (aka #Scope)
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Coming in third place would have to be the newcomers to the Marvel Universe. From Marvel’s Ant Man, I present Scott Lang and Hope Van Dyne. This is a budding romance. So new that it hasn’t even made it through one full film yet. We’ll keep an eye on these two. But seeing as Hope already has title billing in the second Ant Man film aptly titled, Ant Man and the Wasp, chances are that come 2017, this ship will still be floating.

4. Daisy Johnson and Lincoln Campbell (aka #StaticQuake)
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This ship is still on it’s maiden voyage. Having just met last season and surviving some pretty heavy stuff, Lincoln went on the lamb. But he’s back and already making out with our girl, Quake. Definitely a ship to keep an eye on. (Although, am I alone in dreaming of Grant Ward secretly being on the side of good and eventually getting back together with Daisy/Quake/Skye? I’m willing to eventually give up on the dream…but not just yet. Come on #SkyeWard)

5. Thor Odinson and Jane Foster (aka #Fosterson)
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Talk about long distance relationships. These two don’t just have the pitfalls of a ‘normal’ couple, they have entire realms between them. They said goodbye at the end of the first Thor after a couple steamy kisses. Thor was far too busy fighting his brother in Avengers to visit his lady love. In Thor 2, the couple is reunited temporarily because of that pesky ether. But after returning Jane to Earth and heading back up to Aasgard, where he belongs (and returning for a quick, steamy kiss) they are parted again. While Thor does take time to brag on his girl in Avengers: Age of Ultron, I don’t see this ship surviving the long voyage. But hey, you never know. Long distance works for some people. Maybe Thor and Jane can make it.

6. Steve Rogers and Peggy Carter (aka #Steggy)
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Get out your tissues. We all know how this one ends. This ship never had the chance to get out of the dock. Luckily Peggy goes on to have a kick ass career as a spy and Rogers…well, we know that Marvel is pushing Peggy’s granddaughter, as a potential future ship. But for now, Steve has new Avengers to train and old Avengers to war against.

7. Bruce Banner and Natasha Romanoff (aka #Brutasha)
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This is one ship that has split the fanbase. In the comics both of these Avengers have very different love lives that don’t involve each other. Bruce was always destined for fellow scientist, Betty Ross (played by Liz Tyler in the Edward Norton film, The Incredible Hulk…but we won’t mention that one.) And Natasha had a couple ships in the comics including but not limited to Hawkeye, Daredevil and Captain America. So imagine everyone’s surprise when the MCU turns it all around and has Black Widow turning up the heat with Bruce in Avengers: Age of Ultron. A little flirting and a passionate kiss does not a solid ship build. But it gives us something to look out for in the future.

8. Jemma Simmons and Leo Fitz (aka #FitzSimmons)
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Grab those tissues again, cause so far this is a ship that could rival the Titanic. At the end of season 2, Fitz and Simmons were on the verge of exploring their feelings for each other. Then along came the Kree Monolith that held a portal to another realm where a dark, handsome stranger and his arms were waiting for Simmons to cling to. (Not cool, Marvel. Not cool!) Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is currently in season 3. So the jury is still out on this ship. But given the givens, a happy ending is a long way off for these two.

9. Melinda May and Andrew Garner (aka #Meldrew)
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Tissues…you may as well hang on to them. (Are you sensing a trend here?) After the events of season 2, the future looked bright for Andrew and May as they rode off into the sunset. But come season 3 and this couple is not living happily ever after either. Agent May is busy fighting bad guys and Andrew…well, he’s a little busy being a bad guy. I’m still keeping hope alive for these two.

10. Agent Colson and Rosalind Price (aka #Coulsalind)
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I don’t know if anyone was really on board with this one. But I never was. Coulson is very special to the Marvel Universe and he deserves a lady love who is equally special. Rosalind does not fit the bill. Plus…after last week’s episode it seems like she may not be on the side of good after all. It’s only a matter of time before this ship runs a ground. (Thank goodness.)

Which ships are you hoping will get a little work done in the MCU? Let me know in the comments below or connect with me on Twitter: @nerdinthecity

Revelation

Monday is easily one of my favorite nights of television. Between Supergirl and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, it’s a rich, lady-powered evening and if you aren’t watching either…well, you should be. But I had this horrifying discover about myself.

I was doing my Monday night thing, watching Supergirl, and I was tweeting along as I usually do…when I realized a great many tweets were devoted to who I ship Kara with.
Kara and Winn…should we call them #Winna or maybe #Kinn (both super lame by the way.)
Kara and James…a strong case could be made for #Karmes or #Jara.
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I tweeted about love triangles and potential love interests.
Don’t get me wrong, I also tweeted about girl power and everything else magical about Supergirl. But these tweets about Kara’s love life…these got me thinking.

Especially since the same was true of my thoughts and tweets about Crazy Ex-Girlfriend’s, Rebecca Bunch who is currently in a love triangle of her own. Will it be Greg, the adorable bar tender or her camp boyfriend, Josh Chan who wins Rebecca’s heart?
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I was doing to Kara and Rebecca what every well-meaning friend or relative had ever done to me. I asked the dreaded question and I didn’t even do it on purpose.
“Aren’t you gonna settle down, ladies? Aren’t you gonna choose one of those handsome men to make you happy and get married and have babies with?”

Imagine my shock…my horror to discover myself pulling the same baloney on Kara and Rebecca that’s always been pulled on me.
Let me tell you, it doesn’t sit well. And it’s causing me to take a hard look.
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I love shippers as much as the next nerd, but a heroine’s story is much more than who she falls in love with. Same goes for the men (because I spend plenty of time thinking about who the dudes will end up with too.) I’m going to work on how I view the character’s and their journey on their respective shows. If I care this much about their romantic lives…but spend no time on my own…well, I’m just gonna leave that one open.

A Well Built Ship

I was watching an episode of Gilmore Girls (ok I watched 7) and I’ll admit, I had a momentary lapse. It was an episode from season 7, near the end of the show and Lorelai was married to Christopher.
I sent a hasty tweet that said:
“Ok, I l-l-love Luke and Lorelai,
but I coulda been very happy
with her and Christopher too.”

He’s always been a charming man, albeit a bit of a flake. And while I truly think he loved Lorelai and Rory, he just wasn’t good at that whole being a steady, stable family man thing. He was a hurricane. Plain and simple. And so is Lorelai, so in essence (and according to my theory) they could never have successfully and happily belonged together. Fast forward to season 7 and he is finally attempting the seeming impossible. Going house shopping, wooing the good townspeople of Star’s Hollow, playing dad to Rory and Gigi, but it never feels quite right…this domesticated version of Charming Christopher. And Lorelai isn’t happy…we know she isn’t.

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In stark contrast, you have Luke Danes. Steadfast townie. If there is a man in Star’s Hollow who understands commitment, it is Luke. He owns his own diner (in the building his father owned.) He kept his father’s boat. He commits to help Jess, his sister’s son. He even committed hard core to that blue baseball cap that Lorelai gave him in season 1. He never leaves. Never abandons his post. He’s there at the diner every morning to get the Gilmore Girls their beloved cups of coffee till the very last episode.
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*Print from LetsAllMakeBelieve Etsy shop

Is there trouble in paradise when Luke and Lorelai finally get together? You bet. It’s a good ship. And good ships are built to withstand the harsh conditions.
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*Photo from Nautical Wheeler
Luke is thrown when he discovers that he has a daughter who he knew nothing about. Sure, that’s gonna shock a guy. Like I said, Luke’s problem isn’t commitment. But a case could be made for his shortcomings in the area of communication. Years of unrequited feelings…yeah, communicating wasn’t his strong suit.

Yes, Luke and Lorelai could have had a healthy, happy, ride-into-the-sunset ship. We all would have been very ok with that. But Luke lies about April and cuts Lorelai out of decisions and Lorelai sleeps with Christopher and then marries him. They both makes huge, hurtful mistakes.
In the end, they are a stronger ship for the mistakes they make, for the struggles they face.

Now as I’ve said before (click here) I’ve watched a lot of TV. I should go ahead and capitalize that because I truly means A LOT. And I think I’m gonna go on record and say that Luke and Lorelai’s relationship is one of the very best in television history.
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They start as friends. Great friends. They are there for one another as relationship after relationship falls apart. And they get things wrong sometimes. It’s one of the most realistic television relationships of all time.

Don’t be fooled into thinking that the lesson here is “love conquers all.” It doesn’t always. Sometimes it can’t. But love reminds you of the good. Love forgives the wrongs and love fights like hell to survive no matter how much we try to kill it. (Just look at the divorce rate. And even the divorces of both Luke and Lorelai.)

I only hope that they are still experiencing those highs and lows together when the Gilmore Girls revival hits Netflix next year.
And I also hope that Rory finds or found someone who can live up to the father figure she had in Luke Danes.

Love is…

Every year, in January, instead of making a list of resolutions, I pick a word. A word by which I try and live my life. Last year’s word was Bold. And boy did I need that word last year!

This year I felt a tugging about a word, but I ignored my inner voice and went with the word Today. As in, “Live for Today.” “Seize the day.” “No day but Today.”
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But yesterday God sort of turned me inside out. And He brought that word I had ignored in January back in my mind.
He brought me to 1 Corinthians 4…you know the verse.
“Love is patient, love is kind.”
Chances are pretty good that you’ve heard this passage before. I myself have heard it at least 2 dozen times. But to tell you the truth, I don’t think I’ve ever read these verses outside the context of a wedding ceremony and I definitely wasn’t listening. I’ve always considered it “the wedding verse.” Cringe worthy words for any singleton to hear.
So instead of hearing “Love is not rude, is not selfish and does not get upset with others” I’ve always heard… love is blah, blah, blah bride and love is blah, blah, blah groom.
And I missed the point.

Since it was the “wedding verse” it didn’t have anything to do with me. I tuned it out. Everyone around me would tear up and there I was rolling my eyes.
Love…Bleck!!

But this morning God said “stop it! Get your fingers out of your ears and listen.”
And dude! If God speaks to ya…you listen!!

Love is not just for brides and grooms. (Duh!) Love is meant for all God’s children. We were created to show love and give love and accept love.
And maybe I haven’t done the best job at loving. Not just strangers and enemies, but friends and family.

Another truth…I have a very hard time accepting love. Part of me still believes that maybe I don’t deserve it. And if I think that about myself…what does that mean for how I see other people?
This inferiority complex is a problem. I go to a party, I feel out of place. I see an actor I admire, I think there’s no way they’d want to talk to me. I have a crush on a boy and I think, well they’d never like me so what’s the point. And if I think I’m beneath other people, there must be part of me that thinks there are others who are beneath me.
Whoosh! I just got punched in the heart big time!

This is not the Christ-like perspective that God wants from me. He didn’t put that in me. That garbage came from somewhere else. And I’m not loving that it’s in there…waiting to strike.

The good news is, it’s never too late to change perspective. It’s never too late to make a resolution or turn over a new leaf.
So I’m turning. And I’m starting by rereading 1 Corinthians 4. Nope, I’m not at a wedding. I’m not wearing a bridesmaid dress and no one is standing at the altar except for me.
And I’m not standing anymore…
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“Love is patient and kind.
Love is not jealous, it does not brag and it is not proud.
Love is not rude, is not selfish and does not get upset with others.
Love does not count up wrongs that have been done.
Love takes no pleasure in evil, but rejoices over the truth.
Love patiently accepts all things.
It always trusts, always hopes and always endures.
Love never ends.”

My eyes aren’t rolling anymore. I’m not snickering or laughing.
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I’m doing what I should have done at the beginning of the year. I’m making Love my word! I’m choosing Love. And not cringing or “bleck” ing when I say it.

We serve a loving God. A gracious God. But also a God of mystery. Not sure where this choosing Love thing will take me, but I’m just along for God’s ride. So I’m not gonna ask questions! I’m just gonna choose to love. And if you see me in a moment where I’m not being loving…I give you permission to call me on that! Part of loving is being accountable. And now I am!

What’s your word?

I Pitch My Tent in the Valley

I had a revelation about dating. It’s not ground breaking information or anything. Just a thought about me. The person I know the most and spend the most time with. And maybe you’ve felt or feel like this and that is why we share. To find connection. To say, “Hey, you’re there right now? Me too.”
So…I don’t like dating. It’s no secret. And I recently went on a date with a really nice guy. He was socially well adjusted and he liked nerdy things and he loved Jesus. He was quite possibly a unicorn. But I wasn’t having any of it. I didn’t wanna go. And when he asked me out for a second date (something I’ve never been on with anyone) I dragged my feet about it. And turned into a whiner. I whined about it. “Do I have to go?” I asked my friends and family. The same friends and family who have heard me complain time and again that I don’t get asked out by decent guys and have heard me complain that I’ve never even been on a second date with anyone…ever.
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What was wrong with me? What have I been saying??? “Unicorn!” “Where are all the unicorns?” “If only I could find a unicorn then maybe my relationship stuff would be over.” But here was a unicorn sitting in front of me and I couldn’t be bothered.
It wasn’t adding up.

There’s an element that I have not shared with you beautiful nerds. I’ve kept it close. It was too private to share. But…here goes everything.
I accidentally fell in love somewhere in the 8 years I was living in New York. And yes…accidentally falling in love is as stupid as it sounds. And it doesn’t produce the happy outcome that you readers and viewers and family and friends so graciously hope for my life.

I’m only giving the highlights because of anonymity and because if he ever reads this (highly unlikely), he knows all he needs to about it and doesn’t need to know any more than what I’ve chosen to share. And because there is way more to it than this, but this is the important stuff.

The bullet points are as follows:
-He’s a boy
-I’m a girl
-We were friends
-Then we were roommates
-I moved out
-I missed him
-I started to feel more
-But knew it was not a possibility
-So I tried to get over it
-And failed miserably
-I told him I was in love with him
-But nothing happened
-Then I moved to Florida (not because of!! Important note.)

Now as I mentioned, this unicorn guy came along after the bullet points. And the bullet points, of course, have a lot to do with a lack of enthusiasm about the unicorn.

Here’s what it boils down to. I’m 32 now. I’m not getting any younger. But hey!! I am getting way…way better!!
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I’m about to be an aunt. And almost all my friends and family are married. It’s natural. It’s what happens. But maybe that’s not what “happens” to me.

See…dating comes with a price tag. The price is that there are a set of expectations in a dating situation that for a hurricane like me, are unavoidable and undesirable. Expectations like…do I like him? Would I kiss him? Do I want to have sex one day with him? Would I marry him? (I’m drastically over simplifying but you get it.) All the while society and well-meaning church folks ask the dreaded questions…”When will you be getting married?” “Should I set you up on a blind date since you’re still single?” “Don’t you want to be happy?”

So instead of turning to a unicorn who I know there is potential with, I turn to and fixate on the bullet points. Cause there is no future there. There is no expectation of more. And that is ok with me right now.

But “NO!” you say. You’re shaking your head that it isn’t better. I know what you mean and I know why you shake, but I currently disagree… because I’m not looking for ‘The One’ I’m looking for a friend. Friendship is what you hope to end up with at the end of a long married day. A friend. Who gets you and loves you and sure…wants to have some sexy time with ya. But who is ultimately…your FRIEND.

If the only expectation on a date was getting a friend out of it, maybe then it wouldn’t fill me with the crippling fear that it does now. I don’t let fear get in the way for me usually. But with this dating stuff, for some reason, I listen. I don’t want to worry about whether or not some guy is gonna hold my hand or try to kiss me and will I be too polite to tell him I’m not really feeling anything but friendship for him. And why has it become such a crime or an emotional wrecking ball to have that conversation.

I want amazing. I want exciting and I want it with some one who knows me the way the bullet points knew me. But who also loves me back.
And it’s a Catch 22 that won’t happen if I avoid dating. I know that, mom! (She’s pretty smart!) This blog has no answer. It has no solution.

But then again, this blog has never been about having it figured out. Or about teaching how life works. It’s always been about the journey and the figuring and the valley moments. Cause that’s where I find my tent pitched 89% of the time. I’ll let someone else write about the mountain top.
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That Time I Fell In Love

Having never been in love before, I didn’t recognize the feeling. The butterflies in my stomach, that nervous feeling like I might throw up at any given moment. It was strange and unsettling. I couldn’t sleep very well. I couldn’t eat…wait I could eat. I can always eat! But I knew this was something different than ever before. Exciting, scary, different, special and it just felt right. The way I imagine an older couple who’ve been married for over 40 years must feel when they hold hands or something. It was definitely love.

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That was me and New York in January of 2007. Love at first sight. It was bright and shiny. It kept me up all night, just thinking about it. Friends were made. A life was built. And not only did this become my home, but I even found family here.

You know what I love about me… I don’t just make friends, I find family wherever I go. Did you know that you can have more than one family? It’s pretty cool!!

There are the blood relations. The people God designed to be in your life no matter what. The people who raised you and who you grew up with. The people who teach you the things you’ll take through the rest of your life.

There’s college family. The people who were there in a difficult transitional period in life. The people you may have partied with. The people who teach you that life is bigger than the little bubble you came from.

There’s church family. The people who grow you spiritually. The people who challenge you and hold you accountable. The people who help you and pray for you and uplift you.

There are various work families. The people who understand the crazy things that happen at your job. The people you have happy hours with after long stressful days.

There are a bunch of other families that you can make. The people who understand your hobbies. The people you root with at sporting events. The people you cry with over television finales.

And then, if you’re lucky, you have all of the above. But there’s one more family. The kind that is unforeseen. It’s your New York family. Only they can understand what it means to leave those other little families behind to pursue something huge. To step onto this stage with a dollar and a dream. Maybe you get what you came here for. Maybe you leave with dashed hopes. Or maybe that family supports you through every bump and bruise till you are ready to leave on your own two feet to start a new adventure.

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That’s my story.

I came here thinking I’d fall in love. I came here thinking I’d make it big. And once I realized that no one defines my dreams and my accomplishments but me, then I knew that I did fall in love and I had made it big. It was never going to be conventional or “normal.” But then again I’ve always been extraordinary. I don’t mean that in the cocky, “I’m the best” sort of way. I mean, ordinary is not a word I understand. “Normal” is not a word that has ever applied to me. And New York gets that. Hell, New York invented extraordinary. (Well God invented extraordinary, but God also made New York so it still works!)

I found myself here. I found something I didn’t know I was missing. I fell in love with New York City! The funny thing about love is that it doesn’t go away, but it can change. It can become unrecognizable underneath the little annoyances, the little betrayals, the little boredoms, but it never fully goes away. The heart doesn’t forget like that. It’s the mind that tricks you into thinking that it isn’t love anymore. But it still is. And New York and I…we’re doing just fine. I have loved it here, in a way I never knew I could. And the best part about it, the part I know for sure, is that no one ever truly leaves New York. I intended to come here for my internship and then maybe stay for a year or two. Eight and a half years later…. I guess it’s time to go play in the sand for a while. But I know I’ll be back. New York is in my blood now. It’s a part of me. It’s where my family lives.

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This is surely the evidence of a life well lived.

Thanks, my pretty little city! See ya when I see ya!

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This nerd will return in August 2015…